Let me start from the start!
I met her in Cairo two years ago and neither of us knew what she was doing there.
I appreciated the writer in her and she appreciated the writer in me.
She was withering as though Cairo was too much for her to handle.
The trials and tribulations of a single American girl living alone in Egypt and trying to make it on her own was sucking the light out of her soul.
No matter how much she meditated, there was always a restless look in her eyes.
She left - we stayed in touch - she is blossoming - I miss her.
In her reply to my last email, she asked me what I meant by "emotional void" - I never thought about it before. I am not sure from where I sponged that expression.
After some thought, I replied:
Emotional void means - in my case - that I have a very busy life, a great flourishing career, and so many people around me and all over me.
But I always have the feeling that in the center of my body there is a deep hole that gets deeper with every failed relationship or unfulfilled fantasy.
There is no way I can reach into myself and fill it with sand, dust, or love.
Most women would fill it with food ... stuff your tummy hoping that your heart will be full too.
An emotional void is like an ulcer the eats off your flesh, digs a hole in your guts, and hurts where you cannot heal.
I met her in Cairo two years ago and neither of us knew what she was doing there.
I appreciated the writer in her and she appreciated the writer in me.
She was withering as though Cairo was too much for her to handle.
The trials and tribulations of a single American girl living alone in Egypt and trying to make it on her own was sucking the light out of her soul.
No matter how much she meditated, there was always a restless look in her eyes.
She left - we stayed in touch - she is blossoming - I miss her.
In her reply to my last email, she asked me what I meant by "emotional void" - I never thought about it before. I am not sure from where I sponged that expression.
After some thought, I replied:
Emotional void means - in my case - that I have a very busy life, a great flourishing career, and so many people around me and all over me.
But I always have the feeling that in the center of my body there is a deep hole that gets deeper with every failed relationship or unfulfilled fantasy.
There is no way I can reach into myself and fill it with sand, dust, or love.
Most women would fill it with food ... stuff your tummy hoping that your heart will be full too.
An emotional void is like an ulcer the eats off your flesh, digs a hole in your guts, and hurts where you cannot heal.
love, dust, sand-M-call me or Y/coffee?/take care...J-yes-it is me. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteDo you know of anyone who doesn't have that emotional void? I can think of a few things that might fill that void:
ReplyDelete- a life of purpose
- strong faith
- someone you love
That's just what I can think of right now... Good topic though.
a friend once told me, you can never fill the emptiness in you with food, how true. it only fills the tummy, but the heart will feel heavier. unfortunatly i discovered that after reaching the 120 mark
ReplyDeleteMy opinion regarding an emotional void is comparable to someone who is
ReplyDeleteunable to neither express emotions nor convey it to others…When it comes to
emotions, you are like a fountain of eternal water filled with all sorts of
rushing emotions which I can decipher just by reading your blogs…
I do share the same view regarding failed relationships…When a relationship
ends…I think: “another waste of my precious time as my biological clock
ticks away”…At times, I feel like a boxer who has received several punches
straight in the gut…but still standing yet feeling the gut wrenching pain
and hurt of rejection, deception and failed expectancy (my own of course!).
What pain and time have taught me is that you have to segregate things
and just move on to the next…Time is the healer of all wounds no matter how
deep…
Easy to say but with determination, perseverance and armed with a courageous
will, you can do it!
I have learned to segregate the different parts of my life in several
compartments although they are interrelated in many ways too:
1. work compartment
2. friends compartment;
2.1. girl friends
2. 2. male friends:
2.2.1. just friends
2.2.2.friends who may qualify to be potential husbands***
3. family compartment
4. emotions compartment : love, anger, disgust, joy, fear, sadness,
surprise, courage, dejection, desire, despair, hate, hope, happiness,
sorrow, anxiety, contempt, guilt, shame, grief, rage, elation, pleasure,
wonder, expectancy…
5. wishes and dreams to accomplish
In order to minimize my deceptions and avoid increasing the depth of that
emotional void which you describe, I have decided to be friends with the
males before entering into any kind of intimate relationship. The other way
around has proven to be very unsuccessful…It is hard enough to get along
with someone and when you add that extra component of intimacy, it
complicates the equation…As the friendship evolves, and it does not spring
overnight unfortunately for my ticking clock, you then realize if you can
spend the rest of your life with someone or not thus avoiding any further
disappointments. Of course, there are no guaranties (too bad!) that it will
work out, but at least I would have given it my best shot!
As for the unfulfilled fantasy, or dream, if it includes settling down with
the right person and having children, it is more difficult to fulfill
because you do not have full control over that fantasy since there is
another party involved whose will affects the outcome.
Whereas a work related fantasy, or a personal challenge set fourth by you,
is easily fulfilled if will and determination are present since you have
control over that.
I do believe that you are your own healer..only you can fill that emotional
void, it should never be reliant on someone’s else behavior towards you…You
are the Master of your own destiny and creator of your state of being.
The Jewel
This blogpost was written a long tme ago as was Jewel's response it lit a lightbulb in my head, I thank you! Now to kicking this void's arse...
ReplyDelete