A Hell of a Marriage

Back in March 2007, I wrote here – on that very same page – on the issue of early divorces:

The men and women who shared with me their sob stories are victims of our society. The double standards that they are brought up to adopt create what we call in business, an execution gap. There is a big void between where we really are and where we want to be; what we want and what we have; how we feel and how we act. We drown in an abyss of deluding illusions, unrealistic expectations, fake emotions, consuming demands, and the inevitable frustration. We get married for the wrong reasons; we mistake lust for love and confuse stability with stagnation. Mothers are over protective as though they want to suck us back into their wombs. Fathers discriminate between their sons and daughters. Women do not practice what they preach; they sing to the deaf ears of their male counterparts. Men do not meet the promises they make; they play to the sensitive tunes of the female vulnerability. Traditions, manners, taboos, and religion mix in one melting pot that defines stereotyped outlines for our ideal character and our perfect mate. We are dictated the answers to all the quizzes but we are left to face the final tests alone – we fail with flying colors.

Are there “wrong” reasons for marriage? No!

Read why and how

Ask Marwa: My mom is prettier than I am

Dear Marwa

I have a huge problem that is making me miserable. I wish I was never born. Would you believe me if I told you that my mom is the cause of my misery? I will tell you why; my mom is gorgeous. She is this beautiful tall model-looking blond whereas I look like my dad. I am not ugly but next to my mom I look like a dull ordinary girl. When my friends meet her, they do not believe that I am the daughter of this pretty woman. They ask me why I look nothing like her.

The guys at school, instead of showering me with compliments, the first thing they tell me is how wonderful my mom looks. I was performing in a play at school and she stole my light just by showing up. I am beginning to feel jealous of her and I asked her not to pick me up from school again. I do not want to go into details about what happens on the beach, at weddings, or even while walking with her on the street. I love her but her presence hurts me.

The ugly duckling

Read my reply

Ask Marwa: Was it love?

Hello Marwa,

I am a 24 year old female who works for a reputable company. Two years ago, I fell in love with a colleague. I was attracted to his wonderful character and religious sense in addition to his gentlemanliness. The problem is that during that period, he never stated directly and frankly to me that he loves me, but his eyes were saying it and the birthday party that he prepared for me said it too. Anyway, I waited and waited, but no step was taken from his side and I got engaged to someone I don't know through an arranged marriage.

My fiancée loved me a lot, but I could not love him at all. Actually, I hated everything about him; he was a smoker and I hate smokers and he watches pornography and whenever we were together in the club or in a cafe, he did not miss any chance to look at and comment on any female. After six months, my fiancée got a job abroad and I only saw him online. After another six months, I received an SMS from the colleague that I was in love with saying "I know it took me too long to say it but I love you so much."

In a minute, everything that I felt or though that I felt for my fiancée vanished. I could only think of my colleague and how long I waited for him to declare his love for me. I took the decision to leave my fiancée and break up the engagement one month before my wedding. My loving colleague was supposed to come back to Egypt at the end of the year in which all of these events happened (2007). We were talking on the phone everyday in a very respectable manner (nothing beyond I love you and I miss you was said and that is why I loved him so much.)

However, two weeks before his flight to Egypt, we stopped communicating, I don't know how it happened, but it happened. Then he called me to tell me that financially speaking we will not be able to be together in spite of the fact that I was ready to live in any level just to be with him and I offered to buy us an apartment here in Egypt. He sent me an SMS to wish me a better future and he left me. I heard nothing about him since then.I do not know if money was the real problem or there was something else. Was he getting back at me for getting engaged and leaving him? But I did not do so; he was the one who did not do anything or take any step.

My questions are: Was I mistaken to leave my fiancée? Did that colleague deserve that sacrifice (if you knew that my fiancée's financial conditions were great)? Was I really in love?

Badly Hurt

Read my reply

Dear MAN - Where are you?

Dear MAN
I have searched hundreds of faces looking for you.
I have been to too many places but where are you?
In my heart I have carried a love too strong;
for the one man in whose arms I belong.
I once gave up … forgive my despair;
Ups and downs … my heart I did impair.
My wounds have healed;
My heart is no longer sealed.
Come into my life for I am ready.
Don’t let go … trust me I am ready.
I will close my eyes and count to three;
I will open my heart and set you free.
If you are really mine you will come back to me;
or I will know that we were never meant to be.

Read the letter

Asser's Harassers - Egyptian blogger violated

Asser Yasser is an Egyptian female blogger who recently moved to Mokattam area with her family. Her maid complained of how she got harassed on the street on her way to or from Asser's home. Her 15 year old niece who lives with them complained of the violating words that she gets bombarded with on her way to and fom school. And one day Asser made a horrible mistake and decided to walk to a kiosk 200 meters away from home to buy her kids some candy. How dare she walk in the street? How dare she leave her car behind?

On her way home, some teenagers in parked cars that reeked of hash used cuss words, followed her, tried to grab her, encircled her with their vehicles, and the poor woman and her niece felt trapped. People looked from their balconies and no one lifted a finger to help her. She called the police from her mobile phone as she stood there in utter terror and shortly after officer Mohab came to her rescue. He was almost run down by the fleeing cars. One guy stayed behind and said that he was not involved and that he was only watching from his car. Asser Identified him as one of the harassers and they all went to the station to file a formal report.

It got more interesting when the father of the 19 year old harasser snaped at Asser telling her to pick on someone her age. The father did not see or realize the gravity of what his son did. Now the father, the officers, and many others are begging Asser to drop the charges for the sake of the "poor kid's" future.

Bloggers tell her not to ....
Memebers of Kolena Laila tell her not to ...
I personally tell her not to .... it is her right ... it is our right to walk in the street feeling some sort of security ... the harasser and his friends did not think of their futures when they were getting high, when they violated her, or when she begged them to spare someone the age of their mother. No Asser ... do not give in to pressure

Review: Seven Thirty Wednesday Evening

Seven Thirty Wednesday Evening
السابعة و النصف مساء الأربعاء

Writer, blogger, and friend Nermeen Edrees sent me a copy of السابعة و النصف مساء الأربعاء more than two months ago and I promised to read it and to tell her what I thought of it honestly. I am not a slow reader; in a couple of days I finished most of the book then I faced a slight problem when I reached Nermeen Edrees's story - how do I put aside our relationship as bloggers, as authors in Global Voices Online, and as friends? How do I forget that Nermeen supported my book and that I was the first guest in her book club? I decided to read her part several times to make sure that whatever I thought of it was objective and totally unbiased - and I did.

السابعة و النصف مساء الأربعاء is a collection of short stories by 8 writers, edited by Yasser Abdel Latif and published by Al Kotob Khan. In the introduction of the book, Yasser Abdel Latif explains how Al Kotob Khan announced a writing workshop and how many people joined. The chosen theme for the first draft was the quiet suburb of Maadi; the writers needed to integrate that theme into their first draft. Due to time constraints, schedules, distance, and personal reasons many of the writers dropped out of the workshop. Yasser's introduction clearly shows that there was a lot of effort, tweaking, and fine tuning of the writers and their literary style.

The Alien
رف مرتفع قليلا عن الذاكرة or "A shelf slightly positioned above memory" is the first story by Ibrahim El Sayed. The first thing that I noticed was that the Maadi theme was forced upon the story; it was redundant and was not tightly woven within the plot. The second thing that I felt was distance, although in his introduction, Yasser explained that the writers at the end of the workshop were guided towards sharing and revealing parts of themselves as though they were confessing or exposing a secret, I felt nothing of the sort reading Ibrahim's story. Nothing touched me .. nothing moved me .. and nothing stayed in my memory. As a writer, he has got style and great narration skills. He has imagination but the story did not do him any favors. He shied away from his reader and his reader shied away from him.

The Woman
حرير و شوك or "Silk and thorns" is the second story by Amira Abu Taleb. Her words throb with life; she is very sensory; everything she wrote is colored, scented, and textured. Lilac scented. Shades of purple. Mystical feel. Feminine voice. Her story has rhythm and I felt it. Her transitions are smooth and her descriptions are vivid. I lived her story, I was tired, exhausted thrilled, happy, warm, dreamy, cold, disappointed, and hopeful. She is accessible like a memory of your own yet she manages to surprise you by how the events of her story unfold. Amira bared her soul and it was the soul of a full blown woman who has the wisdom of life and the passion of a little girl. I wished her story was longer. I did not want to leave her life.

The Philosopher
قرارات الانتماء or "Belonging Decisions" is the third story by Hossam Khalaf. Yasser mentioned in the introduction that most writers fall in love with their story and they lose their ability to edit or delete repetitive or unnecessary parts. I think this is the main problem with this story ... too many details ... too many details you did not need to know ... too many details that do not serve the events of the story or the development of the characters. The story itself is about the dilemma of existence, love, and settling down but the narration went from interesting to boring to dull and fell flat. I fully identified with the busy schedule and the deadlines that were the recurrent theme in the story.

The Best Man
صديقى الذى قال or "My friend who said" is the fourth story by Khaled Rabie. I loved it. I loved it. The guy is brilliant. I have never met him but I felt that I knew him. I felt that I sat with him in that cafe where he used to meet his friend. I ate with him. I even watched him smoke up. I stood on the sideway that separated uptown Cairo and poor defeated Cairo and watched him talk to his friend, Like Amira Abu Taleb, Khaled mastered sensory descriptions but his flavors and scents had nothing to do with lilacs and offices ... his words smelt of the streets .. of real people .. people that most of us would rather not meet. I felt that I drove him to the airport when he left Egypt, that I cried when his plane took off, and that I was there when he came back. This story is the story of his friend ... we know the story from his letter ... I wish I could quote the letter ... The letter embodies the magic of love ... my heart skipped a few beats reading the letter from Khaled's memory. This is a story that evokes every sense of nostalgia you might have. When I reached the end of it ... I was sad .. I missed a friend.

The Sensitive One
العمر كأنه مؤجل or "Life as it were on hold" is the fifth story by Dina El Hawary. Dina sponged on the experiences of everyone she has encountered in her life and this reflected on the richness of her characters. She is the girl who never had a home and learnt at an early age that her true home is her soul. Dina's story is the story of a lot of people ... it is the story of those who watch life pass them by. They see, they think, they dream but they neither react to nor interact with life. How many times did you wish to reply to someone but instead of speaking your mind, you silently replied at the back of your mind. All those unspoken words and unheard conversations ... are always at the background of Dina's story. As a reader, you read the story and hear the things that should have been ... like a subtitled movie. Courage, home, and rebellion lurk at the background all the time as opposed to passiveness, fear and submission that are always in the foreground. The backbone of the story is how she left Egypt with her family to the gulf, how she came back, and how she never managed to adapt.

The Magician
بعد فوات الوقت or "When it was too late" is the sixth story by Samar Ahmed. What I liked most about this book is the diversity of the writers, their experiences, and their styles. It is not easy to surprise me but Samar totally caught me off guard with her story. I enjoyed every bit of it and loved the sudden twist at the end. The theme of this story is perception and how tricky perception could be. This is the story of the two sides of the same coin and Samar perfectly painted the picture of a woman who is married to a man she never loved with all its details ... I loved her details ... and depth. Through out the story the man is silent .. passive .. always in third person ... until the last few lines ... he finally spoke. When I turned the last page I was still eager for more.

The Dreamer
الشرفة or "The Balcony" is the seventh story by Abeer Medhat Amin. Abeer crosses the line between fact and fiction with poise, grace, and elegance. I read her story three times trying to figure out what was real and what was not .... I failed. She talked of a lover who turned out to be an imaginary friend. She talked of dreams, friends, memories, and events that were left behind. Abeer is a master at keeping you guessing. Her subplots are incomplete but it never bothers you as a reader; there is always room for your imagination to fill in the gaps without feeling that the writer tricked you.

The Young Soul
و قرر الارنب ان يستريح or "And the rabbit decided to rest" is the eighth and last story by Nermeen Edrees. This is the story of a little girl written by a mature woman who will always be young at heart. As I read this story, I clearly touched the girl's sense of adventure, her need for perfection, her quest to find the truth, her peace of mind amidst the turmoil of her heart, and her cheerful disposition. Alice in wonderland made subtle appearances in the story dressed up as Nermeen herself. Her eagerness to explore more of life exhausted the rabbit ... who had to rest. Nermeen started off with cold winter nights then moved on to loneliness that accentuates the cold until finally warmth creeps onto you in that warm bed underneath the cover where you are safe and secure from the outside world. I loved her style, how she hopped like a bunny from one theme to the other without disrupting the balance or the rhythm of the story. There were moments when I felt that she was quoting unspoken lines from my head.

Egypt: Facing the "Sons of Zion" - post rejected by Global Voices Online

Sitting on the fence requires objectivity, tolerance, and integrity. On January 7, I wrote a post titled Bloggers on the Fence where Mona Eltahawy's position was highlighted

what’s the point of choosing sides when both sides are losing? The real
challenge when it comes to the Middle East is to sit on the fence and to
understand that as with most chapters of this interminable conflict, civilians
pay the most expensive price.
But the war does not want to end! Anger, rage,
and hatred are the best fuel for a war that could last forever.

Haaretz reported that Israel is recruiting an army of bloggers' to combat anti-Zionist Web sites and YNET said

The ministry was amazed by the massive response to the effort. More than 1,000 interested applicants contacted them, of which 350 are Russian speakers, 250 English speakers, 150 Spanish speakers, 100 French speakers, and 50 German
speakers. A range of other European languages are also represented among the volunteers: Portuguese, Swedish, Dutch, Italian, Romanian, Hungarian, Polish, Greek, Bulgarian, and Danish. Persian-, Turkish-, and Arabic-speaking Jews also offered their services. The ministry even got an application from a Chinese speaker. Some 60% of the applicants are immigrants, old and new. The rest are Jews living in the Diaspora, Israelis living abroad, and even non-Jews who support Israel and want to help out.

Nawara Negm is a young Egyptian blogger who has an unprecedented online presence. On her blog, she called on other multilingual bloggers to face the sons of Zion. Attracting more than 120 comments on the first day of this post, she wrote:
احنا نبتدي حاجة واحدة الاول، عايزين نعمل مدونة مشتركة، هدفها التصدي لجيش المدونين الصهاينةبصوا بقىطبعا ممكن يبقى هدفها خدمة القضية الفلسطينية، بس بصراحة بقى انا بعد اللي حصل ده، انا مش عايزة اخدم القضية الفلسطينية، انا اللي عايزاه دلوقت ان اسرائيل ما تبقاش موجودة، خالص، مش عايزاها في الدنيا خالص، وانا شايفة انه ممكن جدا، اساسا هي جات لنا منين زفتة دي؟ وبقالها ستين سنة بس، ولسة بقالها ستين سنة وبتعمل كده في الناسلا يمكن باي حال من الاحوال اسرائيل دي تستمر خالص، انا مش عايزاها، مش عشان فلسطين ولا عشان الفلسطينيين ياخي بلاش الفلسطينيين اللي واقفين في زور العالم بالعرض من غير سبب دول، بس عشان الانسانية، تخيل انها لا قدر الله مشيت بالمعدل ده وخلصت على الفلسطينيين، ح تعمل ايه في بقية الانسانية، دي عمالة تتوحش وتتغول كل مدى، انا مش عايزاها خالص ابدا بعد كده، كفاية انها كرهت الناس في بعضما طول عمر الدنيا فيها اديان مختلفة وكانوا عايشين مع بعض، وكان بيبقى فيه حروب دينية وحروب مصالح بس مافيش كده ابدا، دي اسوأ من النازي والله العظيم، لانها رد فعل مرضي للنازية، ودايما رد الفعل المرضي بيبقى اسوأ من الفعل مهما كان الفعل سيء، دي اسوأ ما عرفته الانسانية كلها
Let's take it one step at a time; we want to create a joint blog to enable us to face the "Zionist army of bloggers". Of course it could serve the Palestinian cause but right now this is not my top priority for after what happened [in Gaza] I do not want to support the cause. I just want Israel to vanish off the face of the universe ... who are they and where did they come from? In only 60 years, this entity has to end ... not for the sake of Palestinians, who are now a thorn in the world's throat, but for the sake of humanity altogether. What else is on their agenda after Palestine? Who else will they eradicate? Since the beginning of creation, people managed to co-exist regardless of their religious differences ... yes there were wars and power struggles but nothing resembles this; they are the sick reaction to Nazism .. it is the worst known to humanity.

اول حاجة: محتاجين اكتر من لغة، غير الانجليزي والعربي، كان فيه واحدة دخلت لي وقالت لي انا فرنساوي، طيب عايزين لغات كمانتاني حاجة: عايزين نركز على حاجة حاجة، يعني الجريمة الاخيرة دي، انا عارفة ان اسرائيل جرايمها كتير، واحنا محتاجين نركز على الجريمة الاخيرة، بس مش كأنها اول مرة تحصل، لازم نوصل للعالم ان هي دي طريقتها طول عمرها وان احنا مطلبنا تقديم القيادات العسكرية والسياسية للمحاكمة، واحدة واحدة، نمسك حاجة حاجةتالت حاجة: عايزين صور وفيديوهات كتير، االمشكلة في عرض القضية الفلسطينية من اول النكبة ان بيبقى فيها وثائق طويلة ومكتوبة، عايزين شرح للقضية الفلسطينية من اولها بفيديوهات وصور بعدة لغات وبشكل مكثف من غير ما نزهق الناس برغينا، واضح ان ماحدش مقتنع بينا عشان احنا رغايين وللا ايهخلينا نكون حسني الظن ونقول انهم مش مقتنعين عشان احنا رغايين وما نقولش انهم مش لاقيين حد يضطهدوه غيرنارابع حاجة بقى: احنا عايزين نطالب الامم المتحدة تطلع قانون لحماية العرب والمسلمين من الاسلاموفوبيا والعربوفوبيا لان كده بقى ما ينفعش فعلا التهزيء اللي احنا فيه، ولما نتهزأ ونزعل يتريقوا علينا، طب اللي بيتعمل فينا ماحدش يقدر يعمله في الصهاينة ابداخامس حاجة: انا ليا صحاب امريكان بيقولوا لي ان احد اسباب كراهية العرب انهم بيدرسوا في التاريخ الحملات الصليبيةشوف البجاحة يا اخي، شوف البجاحة يا اخي، ييجوا يحتلونا ويطلعونا احنا اللي وحشين كمان، وده بيخلي اسقاط كل الكراهية على العرب سهل، اولا لانهم بعيد، ثانيا لان يمكن استلهام الكراهية من التاريخ، لما سألتهم طب هو انتوا لازم تكرهوا حد؟ قالوا لي اه!!! لازم يبقى فيه عدو نسقط عليه كل الكراهية عشان ده بيبقى محفز كويس للشغل وشحذ الهمم والنشاط الخارجي والداخلي(للتوضيح رجاء قراءة كتاب الامير لمكيافيللي)لا معلش يشوفوا لهم حد يكرهوه غيرنا احنا اخدنا نصيبناالنقطة دي لازم تتوضحسادس حاجة: احنا مش ننتقد الناس ونعمل زيهمبشكل اوضح، انا مش عايزة احفاد القردة والخنازير والكلام المهبب ده، اردوغان كان ذكي جدا لما قال اجدادي العثمانيين احتضنوا اليهود لما كانوا بيعانوا من الاضطهاد، والحقيقة التاريخ بيقول ان اليهود المواطنين طول فترة الحضارة العربية كانوا مدلعين اخر دلع، اكتر من المسيحيين بكتير (هههههه يا عيني المسيحيين) وانا عندي وثائق تاريخية بكده، ودراسات تاريخية عاملها الباحثين اليهود نفسهم، وفي مؤتمر المخطوطات كان فيه باحث يهودي قدم بحث رائع بيوثق بالمخطوطات ان مكانة اليهود في ظل الحضارة العربية كانت اخر دلع وهشتكة وده لانهم كانوا عددهم قليل واهتماماتهم كلها منصبة على التجارة والعلوم وما كانش لهم اطماع سياسية فكان دايما الخليفة يدلعهم ويقربهمبالمختصر، انا مش عايزة عنصرية، ومش عايزة نكرر غلطة الصهيونية، هم يعملوا رد فعل للناز واحنا نعمل رد فعل للصهيونية ونلف في حلقة مفرغة، التوحش والكراهية دي لازم تقف دلوقت حالا لو ينفع
First: We need more languages other than Arabic and English.Second: Let's focus on one thing at a time. I know their crimes are countless, but let's start with Israel's last massacre. We need the whole world to see the pattern in all their crimes. We will demand that their leaders be tried for tyranny and genocide.Third: We want lots of pictures and videos, documents and official papers, to present the Palestinian cause since it first started in different languages until the whole world reads our message.Fourth: We want to formally ask the United Nations to issue a law to protect us Arabs and Muslims from Islamophobia and Arabphobia ... enough mockery and sarcasm. No one dares make such fun of ZionistsFifth: I learnt from my American friends that many of those who hate us - Arabs - have learnt the Machiavellian ways of self motivation via projecting hatred and anger towards a foreign entity. They hate us because their books said so but they do not know us because we are distant and unreachable. It is our role to set this right.Sixth: We will not follow their path. I do not want racist comments and posts. I want us to be smart and rational in how we present our cause. I do not want to repeat their mistakes and end up in a vicious circle of persecution.

انا دلوقت حالا حاطة هدف قدامي عايشة عشانه ان اسرائيل تختفي في ظرف عشر سنين، ومستعدة اعمل اي حاجة عشان هدفي ده يتحقق، ومش ح ينفع احققه لوحدي، كل الاهداف في بدايتها كانت مستحيلةبما في ذلك اسرائيل نفسها، كانت مستحيلة لدرجة ان الفلسطينيين والعرب قبل النكبة كانوا مش واخدين خوانة ولا مصدقين اصلا انها حاجة ممكن تحصلواهي حصلت، وانا مؤمنة اننا نقدر نرجع الوضع على ما كان عليه وده يبقى اسهل من مهمة الناس اللي خلقت وضع جديد، ودلوقت انا مش عايزة حاجة في حياتي غير كده اللي عايز يتشارك معايا في الحلم ده يتفضل، انا عندي الميل بتاعي اهو على المدونة، ويسيب تعليق هنا، يقول لي امكانياته، ومقترحاته، ح نبتديها بمدونة وربنا هو المستعان، ننظم افكارنا ووقتنا ومقترحاتنا، ومش عايزة واحد ولا واحدة هدفه اقل من مسح اسرائيل من على الخريطة .
Right now this is my foremost goal: Israel has to vanish in 10 years. I am willing to go to any measures to see my goal materialize but I cannot do it alone. All goals were impossible to achieve when they were just dreams - Israel itself was an impossible dream. We want to set things the way they were before Israel. If you want to be a part of my dream, you have my email on my blog, and you can leave your comments below my post and tell us what you could do and your suggestions. Let's start with a blog where we could organize our thoughts, time, and suggestions. I do not want any contributor who wants anything other than wiping Israel off the map.

Looking at the other side of the coin, The Elder of Ziyon is putting up a hard fight by exposing how Hamas knowingly put civilians at risk and how wounded Gazans are afraid to go to an Israeli hospital because of their fear of Hamas. Finding loopholes in Islamic laws, he writes about how Islamic Clerics turned the Saudi peace initiative into a joke, and how a Sheikh in Australia says that it is ok for a man to rape his wife. Raymond, who blogs at Jihad Watch, wrote about how Pakistani schools promote Jihad and hate and Bare Naked Islam wrote about how women in Afghanistan flee prefer being jailed to staying with their abusive husbands.

Quoting Obama, Nawara ended her post saying:

Yes we can

اضربه على قفاه

ازاى تخلق مواطن عديم الرأى؟ عديم الشخصية؟ عديم المبادئ؟ ماشى جنب الحيط و جوه الحيط و تحت الحيط ان امكن؟

الخوجة هيقول لك

مصدر مصري يؤكد وصول القيادي في حماس محمود الزهار الي معبر رفح ظهر اليوم بسيارة اسعاف

فعلا!؟! الراجل هرب و ساب الدنيا تضرب تقلب؟

مش قلنا من الاول ان كل يغنى على ليلاه؟ ماسخم من سيدى الا ستى .. حماس و فتح و ليفينى ..... و اوباما كمان

عيد ميلاد منتظر الزايدى

منتظر الزايدى بصحة جيدة و مش فارق معاه مدة السجن اى كانت ما دام أخذ بالثار لكرامة العراق

يوم لما رمى الجزمة كان كل خوفه ان الحراس يقتلوه و اخوه قال انه بيتعامل كبطل قومى فى السجن ببغداد

امبارح كان عيد ميلاده و الحراس جابوا له تورتة و عملوا حفلة

http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/024450.php