Egyptian FE-Mail: 2008

Sunday, December 28, 2008

"FRIENDS" is bad for Egyptians

I need to get it off my chest ... I will die if I hold it in any longer ... My dad ... a scientist ... currently living in the US ... has lived there since 1994 ... is well-travelled ... my very own dad thinks that FRIENDS (TV Show) should not be aired in Egypt because it exposes youth to "bad" ideas ... dating, gay relations, and sex.

Should I just give up? I am tired of fighting the same fights over and over and over ..... OK ... one more time: No one has the right to limit another human being's choices .... show me the menu and let me choose ... give me the options and I will bear the consequences ....

This is so wrong ..... No wonder I always need to fly, flee, and feel free .... I guess I blocked a lot of childhood memories ... I remember that the door was always locked.

Just a blog post

This screen looks so familiar.
I miss blogging.
I miss my best friend.
I miss Egyptian Fe-mail.

Dear blog, I am back
Let me dive into your arms again
Hold me ... I want to cry

I do not even know how to start this post for just the thought of someone reading it inhibits me. I need to feel nude, exposed, and vulnerable. I need to let go and let writing heal me. I will pretend that no one is here ... I will pretend that no one will read me ... I will pretend that it's just me and you again my dear blog.

I am socially inept!

I have come to realize that I was not meant to get up-close and personal with other human beings. I dodge social gatherings, weddings, birthdays, and any other event that demands that I be nice and talkative. I had friends but I always felt awkward around them; I do not talk the way they talk ... I do not think the way they think ... I do not want the same things they want ... I have always been a misfit. I am tired of telling the same stories to entertain them and I am sick of listening to theirs ... I would put them on mute and watch them move their heads as their lips open and close ... puppets ... deformed puppets.

It hurt.

I escaped real life and I created my virtual world. Blogging saved me. I met people who were like me. I felt normal. I finally fit. I leaned on blogging and bloggers for support. I just noticed that my best friends are bloggers. Bloggers are not people; they are souls exposed through their words. When I need to feel a human connection I don't call someone up, I visit a blog ... how isolated is that? I finally met people who shared my beliefs. It is funny how bloggers do not ask stupid questions. They do not pry. They are just human beings in need of space. They were not afraid of me.

Bit by bit my old friends began crawling back into my life. I still felt different but I felt special. I knew what they did not know. I have been to places they would never dare explore. I sponged on so many human experiences that their shallowness would never consume me. I did not mind letting them back into my life. I thought I was immune. I thought they could never hurt me.

I thought wrong.

Their poisonous effect spread into my life. I feel drained. What's the antidote to the lies, the fakeness, the games, the silly stories, the stupid jokes, the awkward silence, the holier than though attitude, and the lack of air? I cannot breathe. I began questioning myself again ... I began doubting my strength ... What is wrong with me? Why can't I fit? Why can't I talk to them? Yes ... I know ... they do not speak my language. Damn it!

Crawling back into my blog.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Rebound Relationships: Are you on the rebound? Or are you a Rebound?

I caught myself guilty of a series of rebound relationships and the worst part was that I had no idea that I was rebounding. Here I am emotionally drained and mentally consumed sharing with you my two cents on rebounds. I pulled out all my "rebound files" and put my analytical skills into action.

What is a rebound?
A rebound is a relationship that is supposed to stop, or help you escape, the pain of another relationship - call it a painkiller, a band aid, or a quick fix.

When?
Usually it is right after, or at the very end of, a relationship that went, or is going, belly up. Like taking a pain killer before going to the dentist for fear of toothache after the visit, more vulnerable people start their rebound relationship as a precautionary measure.

Why?
1) A bruised ego
If you feel that you have been dumped or rejected, the ideal solution would be to embark on another relationship to prove to your ex, and to yourself, that you are desirable and that one man's poison is another man's gain.

READ MORE on Rebounds

Searching for Laila's Identity (Kolena Laila Initiative)

In September 2008, I was honoured to receive an invitation to contribute to a woman's empowerment initiative called Kolena Laila - We Are All Laila. It was the first time I had heard of this campaign.

I got in touch with Lasto Adri* Blue, known as Eman, who is one of the leading organisers of the initiative. She explained to me that 2008 was Kolena Laila's third year and that Laila is the heroine of a novel entitled The Open Door (El Bab El Maftouh) by writer Latifa El Zayyat. Laila was chosen as a symbol for each and every Egyptian woman who is trying to mould her independent personality in an oppressive society.

Read more about Kolena Laila

My attempt at an Ethical Will

I always thought that the ideal time for writing a will is when a person feels that the end is near - I have no clue where I got that idea from. Dr. Baines gave me a totally new perspective. In an ethical will, people share a part of themselves and this part helps them identify and act upon their beliefs. It also helps the reader of this will to understand where they are coming from and what they value most. This could be an ideal tool between couples at anytime of their relationship, between parents and their children regardless of their age, between grand parents and their grand children, or between friends and business associates.

There is no better time to share with you my ethical will than at the end of a fruitful and very productive year:

• I have learnt the joy of tolerance and that he who judges shall be judged. People are different and I am different too.

• I believe in mercy and forgiveness. I am still working on second chances though. We all make mistakes.

• Fame does not last but the people you have helped will remember your forever.

• Beauty does not last either but the people who see your heart will always see your beauty.

Read the rest of my Will

Dear MAN - My Name is Laila (Kolena Laila Initiative)

Dear MAN

My name is Laila.
Laila who?
It does not matter!
I am the girl you see on the bus;
I am the girl you see in the street;
I am your neighbor;
I am your friend;
I am your cousin;
I am your sister;
I am your mother;
I am your wife;
I am your daughter;
I am the girl you never really saw;
I am the girl you do not know!
Call me Laila!

Read More

Global Voices - Update

GLOBAL VOICES - MARWA RAKHA

Fact or Fiction: A mini Dubai in Downtown Cairo

Rumor has it that Gamal Mubarak, the President's son and the NDP's General Secretary of the Policy Committee, will turn the historical downtown Cairo into a "mini Dubai".

Egypt: Inanities on Homosexuality

Sarah Carr, blogger and journalist addresses how a published feature titled “Honey, I’m homosexual” and online comments perpetuate myths about homosexuality and, in doing so, contributes to the culture of intolerance in Egyptian society.

Fact or Fiction: Egyptian President Pardons Sexual Harasser

Egyptian bloggers are divided on whether a sexual harasser sentenced to three years in prison recently has been pardoned.

Egypt: Call for Commemorating Saddam Hussein

On the second anniversary of the execution of ousted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, and in coordination with the Iraqi community in Cairo, five Egyptian political parties called for commemorating the late president. Here's a snapshot of reactions from the Egyptian blogosphere

Imagine what 20 million Egyptians could do

Naguib Sawiris's Mobinil is positioned as the leading mobile service operator in Egypt. Scene & Heard hails Mobinil's inspirational campaign “Imagine what 20 million Egyptians could do."

Egypt: Wael Abbas refuses to meet President Bush

Egyptian blogger and activist Wael Abbas just announced on his blog that he turned down an invitation to meet up with Bush.

Egypt: Dirty Sexy Secrets

Young enlightened Egyptian bloggers write about their society's sex code, racism, bigotry, and lust after scandals - all in an attempt to make Egypt a better place to live in.

Egyptian Bloggers and their Lost Blogs

Several Egyptian bloggers lost their blogs whether to hackers or to web hosting services. Are those blogs being deliberately suspended by hosting services or are there invisible hands at play behind the scenes? Check out what bloggers have to say about this new development

Are Women making Egypt Poorer?
Women: Should they stay at home and raise kids or should they work and have a contribution? A controversial question that Fantasia's World tried to answer in her post: Are you making your country poorer?

Egypt: Locking Al Azhar students in the dark ages!
Al Azhar English Training Center is funded through a partnership agreement between Al Azhar University, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office Global Opportunities Fund and the British Council. The Center was supposed to provide English Language courses in its first semester to 125 students from various disciplines until Ali Laban, a Muslim Brotherhood deputy, decided otherwise. Fatma Sabit - an enraged instructor - speaks up on Facebook.

حلقات بحب فيك ايه على راديو حريتنا Download

Monday, December 15, 2008

ما وراء الجزمة

أنا مش هـ اتكلم كتير فى بوش يستاهل ضرب الجزم و لا لأ و لا فى شجاعة الصحفى العراقى و لا فى مشاعر العرب و كرامة الامة و لا فى مصير العلاقات الدولية و لا فى تعليقات الناس و لا اى كلام من ده. أنا هـ علق على حاجة مستفزة جدا تدل على تفككنا و عدم قدرتنا على التعاون و لا الاتحاد و لا العمل الجماعى ... انا مش احنا

بوش اتضرب بالجزمة امبارح باليل .. نقول الساعة 11 و انا دلوقت بـ اكتب التدوينة دى الساعة 10 و 30دقيقة الصبح .. يعنى اقل من 12 ساعة

فى اقل من 12 ساعة جالى الدعوات دى للانضمام لمجموعات على الفيس بوك ما بين مدافعة عن الصحفى و شماته فى بوش .. كام؟ اهم

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كل جروب من دول فيه ما بين 9 الى 60 عضو طبعا هـ يزيدوا مع الوقت

السؤال: هو ليه كل واحد عمل جروب لوحده؟

ليه مش كل الناس انضمت لجروب واحد علشان يبقى صوتها اعلى و اوضح و اقوى؟

ليه المنافسة الداخلية ما بين الناس دول لما هدفهم واحد؟

ليه كل واحد قبل ما يعمل الجروب بتاعه ما شافش لو حد سبقه و لا لأ؟

اداة البحث فى الفيس بوك بكلمة او كلمتين هتوضح مين عمل ايه ... الاتحاد قوة يا جماعة

تخيلوا لو كانوا كل دول جروب واحد و كل عضو يدعو اصدقائه كان العدد وصل كام فى ال12 ساعة دول؟

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

الى الصحافة المصرية من حقوقى سعودى - المصرى فى غربته

من كام يوم كتبت بوست عن المصرى فى غربته و سمعته و البهدلة اللى بيشوفها. جالى ايميل من عبد العزيز الملحم الذى عرف نفسه كـ حقوقى سعودى و انا استأذنته فى نشر محتويات رسالته و هو وافق. طبعا على النت ممكن اى خد يقول انه اى حد .. لكن انا اخترت انى اعرض عليكم الرسالة و انتم احكموا بنفسكم ... انا مش عندى اى مهلومات عن الاخ عبد العزيز سوى اسمه و الايميل بتاعه

نص الرسالة

الانسه / مروه المحترمه
تأثرت كثيرا بموضوع المصرى بغربته وأنا سعودى وأكن كل حب وأحترام للمصريين فهم أرباب الحضاره شئنا أم أبينا وأنا فى غاية الحزن ومكلوم الى أبعد الحدود عن الحكم التعزيرى بسجن الطبيب المصرى 20 عاما وجلده 1500 جلده ولم نرى بالقرآن أو بالسنه مثل تلك الاحكام المجحفه ولاتيأسى ولاتبتأسى فقد أخذت على نفسى وعدا بمحاربة الفساد والفاسدين وبدأت بشخص يكره المصريين السنه ويعاملهم بأبشع معامله بمنطقة الاحساء الشرقيه وأغلبهم من الشيعه ! والغريب أنهم صفوة المجتمع المصرى وليسوا قاع المجتمع فهم دكاتره وأساتذه كرام جائوا من مصر وقابلهم هذا الحاقد والذى رفضت مصر منحه الماجستير والدكتوراه فأراد أن يرد بقذارته الجميل لامنا مصر فى تعذيب وترويع أبنائها وهم من صفوة بنية المجتمع المصرى وذلك عند التحاقهم بجامعة الملك فيصل بالاحساء بالسعوديه .
ورسالتى هذه ضد / عبد الرحمن البراك المسئول عن تعيين الاساتذه والمدرسين بالجامعه من الجنسين فيقوم بمساومتهم وتحرير عقود مخالفه لما أتفقوا عليه مع الملحقيه الثقافيه بالقاهره وهى بالمناسبه شريكه له أيضا فى كل تلك الجرائم حيث أن تلك الملحقيه الثقافيه والتى لاتحمل تراخيص كأى مكتب للتسفير- وضد قوانين جمهورية مصر - تمنح المتعاقد أو المتعاقده عقدا رسميا ويفاجىء بعقد أقل فى الامكانيات والمرتبات والمخصصات والبدلات عند وصوله المملكه وأن أراد العوده ورفض الامر الواقع وقع عليه الجزاءات ومنها دفع راتب شهرين وثمن تذكرته الذى أتى بها علما بأن هناك جريمه أخرى وهى وجود مكتب تسفير هؤلاء المدرسين والاساتذه بمصر الجديده أمام مستشفى هليوبوليس يتقاضى من كل واحد منهم 20 ألف جنيه يتقاسمها المكتب مع / عبد الرحمن البراك ! والجامعه ومديرها يعلمون بذلك وهى جريمه بحق الشعب المصرى ولاحول ولا قوه الا بالله وان لله راجعون ومرسل لك أحد الرسائل الى خادم الحرمين ضد هذا الجبار المتجبر المتكبر على شعب مصر وتقبلى تحياتنا

الحقوقى / عبد العزيز آل ملحم

ملحوظه : يوجد دكتور وأستاذ جامعى مصرى رفض قبول مبدأ المساومه ويدعى د . أحمد فتعرض لابشع أنواع الذل والاهانه والابتزاز والارهاب الفكرى والمعنوى ولكنه شريحه أخرى من أبناء مصر الاوفياء ورجل بمعنى الكلمه فتصدى له وكأنه فرعون مصر " أحمس " القادم من صعيد مصر لمواجهه هكسوس الجنوب هذه المره بالجزيره العربيه وبرغم عدم أتزان كفتى الميزان ولكن الله ونحن معه ودعواتكم جميعا لنصرته حتى ترفعون ونرفع معكم رؤسنا ردا لجميل أبناء أرض الكنانه التى أوصانا بها رسول الله

نسخة مما ذكر فى الملف مستقل عن عبد الرحمن البراك

صاحب المقام / خادم الحرمين الشريفين
أيماء الى قررات الامانه العامه لمجلس الوزراء ونزولا على الموافقه الساميه لديوان رئاسة مجلس الوزراء وبالاطلاع على الموافقه رقم 8582 بتاريخ 23/5/1406 لمعالى وزير العدل والمشفوعه برأى اللجنه المشكله بأمر معاليه وفى مادتها الاولى فأن الشكوى الماثله شأنها شأن أى شكوى أخرى هى حق مكفول لكل شخص وعلى سمو وزير الداخليه ومعالى وزير العدل مباشرتها وأحالتها الى المحاكم المختصه لتقرير العقوبه التعزيريه وأحالة المدعو / عبد الرحمن البراك رئيس عمادة شؤون هيئة التدريس بجامعة الملك فيصل بالاحساء الى المحاكم المختصه نظرا لقيامه بالعديد من الاخطاء المهنيه والتقصيريه الجسيمه والتى ترقى الى حد الاختلاس وأهدار المال العام أهمها ماقام به وعلى نحو سافر من أهدار أموال الدوله والجامعه على أمور جلل لايقبلها مجتمعنا السعودى بأى حال من الاحوال خاصة الاعمال المصاحبه للاستضافه بالفنادق وأقامة وحضور الحفلات والمهرجنات والمؤتمرات داخل وخارج المملكه ومن ميزانية الدوله مع قيامه بالتكسب من خلال مهام وظيفته وبشتى الطرق مثل المتاجره وبيع تأشيرات هيئة التدريس بالخارج والتى وصلت الى ملايين الريالات وأهمها منحه لنفسه ومعاونيه وأتباعه العديد من بدلات الانتدابات الداخليه والخارجيه بطرق أحتياليه وبغير وجه حق مع تعارضها والتعميم رقم 11400 بتاريخ 14/5/1402 ومابعدها وكذا قررارات مجلس الخدمه المدنيه منذ 1/4/1400 وحتى تاريخه وتفرده دون الاخرين فى أختيار سياراته الممنوحه له من الجامعه مع عدم صلاحيته أصلا للوظيفه المعين عليها وتجاوزه المراتب الوظيفيه المخصصه لها بطرق مريبه نظرا لحداثة عمره وقلة خبرته وأضمحلال أمكانياته الوظيفيه والعلميه والعمليه والتجاوز وعدم التأكد من صحة الشهادات العلميه المقدمه منه كشهادة الدكتوراه المعتوره والمستحصل عليها بطرق أحتياليه من آمريكا عام 2005! والماجستير 2001 من بريطانيا العظمى ! أى بعد عام واحد فقط من أبتعاثه على نفقة الدوله أيضا لتعلم مبادىء اللغه الانجليزيه من مدرسة سانت دياجو بأمريكا لتعليم المعاقين ذهنيا ! والتى لاتساوى حتى ماكتبت به من مداد ! وأفساده للعديد من رؤساء وأعضاء الملحقيات السعوديه بالخارج – بحكم وظيفته - وتهديده لهم وتجنيد العديد منهم لارسال رسائل وشكاوى كيديه ضد المتعاقدين من أعضاء هيئة التدريس والقادمين من بلادهم للرضوخ لطلباته خاصة مع السيدات منهن وهو صدامى السلوك مع أقتران ذلك بعنف وسلوك عدوانى مريض لاتخطئه العين ومجاملته للعديد من أعضاء هيئة التدريس السعوديون على حساب الامن القومى للمملكه العربيه السعوديه كتعيين أصحاب الفكر الممجوج وأعضاء الجماعات الاصوليه والسلفيه ذات الفكر السياسى الرافض لسياسة المملكه بالجامعه وهم المحيطين به حيث يعدون بطانته مع تعضيده لهم والسكوت عليهم وأخفاء نشاطهم الهدام أمثال / أبراهيم الحواس وغيره ممن يدينون بالولاء لبن لادن والقاعده وممن تذخر السجون والمعتقلات باشقاءهم واقاربهم وكذا ببعض العناصر المتطرفه والبؤر الساكنه الخطره بكل من كليات التربيه والزراعه الخ وعمداء الهيئات الاداريه والاكاديميه بالجامعه متجاهلا كافة الاوامر والتعاميم السريه وغير السريه الامنيه الصادره بهذا الخصوص كما أن هناك العديد من المخالفات والتى ترقى الى حد السقوط فى العديد من جرائم السطو على المال العام وتخريب مرفق تعليمى وثقافى كبير وتعطيل مسيرة جامعة الملك فيصل لاكثر من عشرون عاما والتربح من خلال مهام الوظيفه وأرتكاب أخطاء مهنيه وتقصيريه وأمنيه كبيره كما أن هناك العديد من أتباع وأمثال / عبد الرحمن البراك خاصة وأن للجامعه فروع داخليه وخارجيه عديده الى جانب السقوط فى أهدار كرامة وكبرياء وسمعة الجامعه والدوله بكافة الوسائل والصور لدرجة وجود قصور للاقامه والضيافه داخل حرم الجامعه ! وميزانيه تكلف خزينة الدوله مئات المليارات من الريالات ! وهى سابقه خطيره لم تشهدها أى من الجامعات بالعالم أجمع و لو أن ذلك حدث ببلد كالصين لقطعوا السنتهم وأيديهم وسلخوا جلودهم والقوهم للكلاب تنهشهم بميدان النصر الشهير بقلب " بكين" ولو طبقت عليهم الشريعه الاسلاميه لقطعوا أيديهم وأرجلهم من خلاف كما جاء بالقرآن وسحلوهم بعد نفيهم وسجنهم ولن يبقى الله عليهم طويلا فأمثالهم لايبقى لهم الا القبر أو عذاب الضمير فالناس صنفان أحياء وهم موتى على الارض وآخرين وهم موتى ولكن فى بطن الارض أحياء . والسلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته والله من وراء القصد ,,,,,,

عبد العزيز آل ملحم
Abdulaziz_almolhem@yahoo.com

الايميل الثانى و الموافقة بالنشر

الاخت / مروى
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
أنا لاأمانع فى نشرها ونشر أسمى وأتركيها مع رسالتى الحاليه أيضا كتعليق على مدونتك الرائعه الراقيه ولكن أرجو أن تتصلى أيضا بمجتمعات الحقوقين كما نفعل ومنظمات حقوق الانسان والفضائيات المصريه والاجنبيه حتى يعلم القاصى قبل الدانى أن بلاد ومجتمعات الجزيره والعرعر والجرجير لايمكن أن تتساوى هامتها مع هامة بلاد الحضاره وحتى تكتمل الفائده ودعوتكم لعودة المصريين الشرفاء من بلاد الجهل والتطرف " الجاهليه الثانيه " سيرفع من قدرهم عندنا وسيذداد راتبهم أضعاف مضاعفه وهذا ماقام به الدكتور المصرى وأستاذ اللغه الانجليزيه الذى كلمتك عنه والذى يلاقى الامرين من عصابة جامعة فيصل على يد الجلاد القواد / عبد الرحمن محمد البراك علما بأن فيصل منهم براء
هذا وقد رفض الدكتور والاستاذ الجامعى العمل معهم وبعد أن كان الامر هو موضع المساومه على الراتب وخفضه أصبح الان الموضوع هو ذيادة راتبه ورفضه العمل أساسا معهم لعدم أحترامهم العقد الاصلى بالقاهره وطلب العوده ورفض مضاعفة راتبه وهو نسيج خاص وواعد من البشر ومن المصريين لم نقابله للاسف منذ زمن / عبد الناصر حيث كان المصرى يعامل بأحترام ويحصل على أعلى الرواتب وليس أقلها كما يحدث الان والغريب هو هذا التعتيم الاعلامى على موضوعه وحتى لاتنكشف خيبة وزارة الخارجيه والقوى العامله المتواطئه مع الجلاد السعودى للاسف أما جلد الطبيب 1500 جلده فهذا مخالف للدين والشرع والعرف والقوانين الوضعيه بالعالم المتحضر أو حتى المتخلف على حد سواء
أنشريها بارك الله لك ياحاملة لواء الحق والعدل والحريه وليتنا نملك نصف جرأتك فقد كسروا عظامنا لاسامحهم الله
عبد العزيز آل ملحم

الايميل التالت بتأكيد النشر

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
أشاره الى بريدكم لى بخصوص عدم الممانعه فى نشر رسالتى لكم أو نشر أسمى أو وضعها للنشر كتعليق على المدونه وعلى قائمة الاوليات أود أعلامكم بأنه قد سبق لى أرسال موافقتى على ذلك ولن أكف عن مناشدة الفضائيات ومنظمات حقوق الانسان حتى يحصل الانسان أى كان جنسيته وليس المصرى بصفه خاصه على حقوقه الادميه والانسانيه فى بلاد العرعر والجرجير والجاهلية الاولى التى جاء ذكرها بالقرآن وذلك بلا جلد أو سجن أو أعتقال وهذا عهدا أمام الله ماحييت وشكرا لاستجابتكم الانسانيه السريعه علما بأن ترتيب عودة المصريين أو غيرهم من السعوديه والدعوه من منبركم الشريف الى ذلك سيؤدى الى زيادة مرتباتهم وكثرة أحترامهم من الجانب الجاهلى السعودى وهى منظومه تخضع لعوامل العرض والطلب وينبغى أن يعرفها القائمين على الخارجيه المصريه والقوى العامله حتى تذداد أسهم وقيمه المصرى بالخارج والداخل علما بأن الاستاذ والدكتور المصرى والذى تم التحرش والاسائه له وعدم صرف مستحقاته الماليه منذ شهور يرفض وبأباء وكرامه وكبرياء عالى عرضا بمضاعفة راتبه ويصر على الرفض بعد الاساءه والتهديد له وعائلته على نحو قمىء كما يصر على العوده ومقاضاتهم وطلب التعويض المناسب لما أصابه من أضرار علما بأنه لاالمستشار العمالى أو الثقافى المصرى بالمملكه السعوديه ولا حتى السفاره أو القنصليه قد تحركت من أساسه ولو على أستحياء لحفظ ماء وجهها وتركت الاستاذ المصرى يصارع وحده أبشع أنواع العنصريه والجاهليه كما جاء وصفها تماما تماما بالكتاب ............. وحفظكم الله
عبد العزيز آل ملحم

Sunday, December 7, 2008

الشوتايم و العميل الملطشة

حكايتى مع الشوتايم

فى يوم كنت مزنوقة على كبرى 6 اكتوبر من كام سنة و رفعت راسى للسما و اتنهدت و وانا منزلة راسى تانى لقيت اعلان للشوتايم و فى الاعلان رقم مختصر للاشتراك

اتصلت
ردت عليا نرمين و قالت لى انت سمعتى عننا ازاى حكيت لها الموقف زى ما هو .. قالت لى طيب اقفلى حضرتك و انا هتصل بيكى

طبعا بداية مبشرة ... الناس خايفة على فلوسى

كل شئ تم فى يومين و كله تمام و اخدوا رقم كارت سيتى بانك و الدنيا مشيت سنين و سنين الى ان

سيتى بانك قرروا ان انا معرضة للنصب و الاحتيال و كاجراء امنى لازم يغيروا الكارت بتاعى و فعلا خلال كام يوم كان الكارت الجديد عندى

شوتايم حاولوا يسحبوا مبلغ الاشتراك الشهرى ماعرفوش ... بعتوا لى رسالة .. وبعدين قطعوا الخدمة و انا طنشت .. انا لا بقعد فى البيت و لا فارق معايا

وبعدين هايدى كلمتنى فى نص نوفمبر و ابتديت رحلة العذاب

حكيت لهايدى الحكاية و هى قالت لى مش مشكلة .. ابعتى لنا البيانات الجديدة على الايميل

قلت لها هايل

قالت لى و معها ابعتى صورة من الكارت

مش هايل
شرحت لها ان انا مواطن عادى لا عندى فاكس و لا سكانر و لا كاميرا ديجيتال و الموبايل مافيهوش كاميرا

قالت لى لازم الصورة قلت لها مش لاعبة ... و اتعصبت ... و عندت .. احنا خلاص فهمنا انى عنيدة و دماغى ناشفة

و بعدين جالى برد و قعدة البيت عايزة شوتايم ... فرحت قوى لما من كام يوم نرمين كلمتنى .. ايوه نرمين بتاعت زمان اللى عملت لى الاشتراك من سنين و كانت لطيفة للغاية و اشتكيت لها من التعقيدات .. قالت لى مش مشكلة ... انا هابعت لك فى رسالة على الموبايل الايميل اللى تبعتى عليه البيانات و مش مهم الصورة ... و فعلا
mceops@cne.com.eg

بعت البيانات و جالى اخطار ان الرسالة وصل و اتفتحت و استنيت ... الخدمة لسة مقطوعة

كلمت نرمين ... قالت لى اتصلى برقم 38279300
وهما هيشغلوا الخدمة و انت معهم على التليفون

رد عليا واحد نسيت اكتب اسمه و كان شكله مش فاهم انا بقول ايه
راح محولنى على ياسر و ياسر كان مثال الموظف القتم القرفان لكن انا قلت خليكى لطيفة علشان الخدمة ترجع ... اديت ياسر رقم الاشتراك و كان شكله لا فاهم و لا بيكتب ورايا و لا باصص فى شاشة
وقلت لياسر ان انا عندى برد و زهقانة و هو وعدنى ان الخدمة هترجع كمان ساعتين

و قعدت ... و الخدمة لسة مقطوعة
كبرت فى دماغى
اتصلت تانى النهاردة كمحاولة اخيرة قبل ماتعصب
رد عليا واحد مالحقتش اكتب اسمه لكن فاجئنى ان الرقم ده .. اللى نرمين ادتهولى و اللى ياسر رد عليا فيه رقم الاشتراكات الدوليه

طيب نرمين و غلطت ... عادى
لكن ياسر اشتغلنى .... ياسر اشتغلنى

المهم اخدت الرقم الصح 38276666
و اتصلت
ردت عليا مروة يوسف
هى لا تعرف مين نرمين و لا بأى صفة قالت لى مش مهم الصورة و لا مين ياسر و لا اى حاجة غير مكالمة هايدى

و اصرت مروة على صورة الكارت و انا ركبت دماغى اكتر
قالت لى روحى اقرب فرع ... و انتم عارفين فوبيا اقرب فرع اللى عندى

مروة كانت زوق و صوتها كانت فعلا بتحاول تحل المشكلة لكن التعقيدات و سياسة الشركة و ياسر هما سبب النوت ده

المهم ... اوربيت و لا أرت؟ ولا دريم بوكس؟
أصل الاختيارات كتير و العميل دايما كسبان

المصرى فى غربته

الايميل ده جالى النهاردة و انا عارفة ان فى ظل حكاية الاطباء المصريين و جلدهم و سجنهم فى السعودية الموضوع هيبقى مش لطيف فأنا هـ عرض الرسالة و بعدين ردى و مستنيا تعليقاتكم

الرسالة
--------------------

مروه ازيك عامله ايه
انشاللهخ تكوننين بخير وكل سنة وانتى طيبة
مروه رجاءاا انا عايزك تفتحى النارررر على موضوع الناس المسافرين فى الدول العربية
وعلى الظلم والاهانة ال بيتعملوا بيها
انا مش بتكللم عليهم كلهم لكن بنسبة 80%
يعنى الواحد بيطلع من مصر سواء كان مصرى ولا صعيدى لو مصرى يبقى ابوه او امه باعوا ال وراهم وال قدامهم عشان يدفعوا حق الاقامة ال وصل سعرها دلوقت 25000الف ج
وبيروح على اساس انه هيقيبض مرتب محترم وهيتعامل معاملة كويسه وبيبقى مكتوب فى عقد العمل حجات
كتيررر بيتفاجىء بعد ما يسافر بأمور جديدة طبعا الفاس وقع فى الراس بيضطر ينفذ اى حاجه بيقول عليها الكفيل بدون اعتراض مثلا انا اعرف بعض الشخصيات بيششتغلوا 3 شغلانات فى نفس المكان بنفس الراتب بدون اوفر تايم او اى زيادة فى المرتب بل بيدفعوا حق التأمين الصحى والطوابع عشان الاقامة ياريت تطرحى الموضوع ده
ومعظم المتغربييين مش راضين عن نفسهم ولما تسألى السبب يقولللك بلدنا عايزه كده هى ال مرخصانا لان المدير كل ما نطلب منه الزياده يقولنا لو مش عجبكوا امشوا واجيب 10مصرييين بدلكوا
وحسبى الله ونعم الوكيل

الرد
------------------------

بص يا احمد .. انا بصراحة ضد ان المصرى يسيب بلده و يتغرب الا اذا جاله عرض محترم و الناس باست ايديه و رجليه علشان يمن عليهم و يشتغل عندهم و طبعا ده مش هيحصل الا اذا كان كفاءة و الكفاءة بتيجى مع المجهود و التطوير و العمل و العمل مش بالفهلوة و الفكاكة و الحنجلة

علمائنا متشالين على الرؤوس برة علشان عندهم حاجة يقدموها و اللى بيسافر برة و يشتغل بجد و يطور نفسه برده بيرقى و بيعيش محترم

لكن المصرى الكسول المتواكل الكذاب الدحلاب الخايب هـ يتداس بالجزمة لانه جابه لنفسه ... المصرى اللى بيجرى ورا القرش هيتذل بيه و ليهم حق يعملوا فيهم اكتر من كدة

اللى رخص المصرى المصرى اللى زيه و هو نفسه لما بقى عبد لكل من دفع سحتوت اكتر .... انا اعرف ناس سافرت و تعبت و شقيت و كرامتها متصانة .. اصل العفة و الكرامة دى حاجات مالهاش صلة بالغنى و الفقر و اعرف ناس تانية بتتهزأ كل ساعة و ساكتة علشان القرش .... العيب فى مين بقى؟

نصر و ايهاب مصطفى - فودافون

لأ مـ تقلقوش ... مش خناقة زى كل مرة ... أنا زى ما بـ اكتب الاخبار المنيلة بـ اكتب برده عن الحاجات المشرفة

نصر و ايهاب مصطفى فى فودافون يستاهلوا النوت ده

الحكاية ان عمى جاب لى بلاك بيرى هدية فى يناير اللى فات و بما ان انا عندى فوبيا التكنولوجيا فضلت ركناه فى الدولاب خايفة منه لحد ما تليفونى الاصيل بعد اربع سنين معاناه معايا باظ و بما ان انا عيانة و مش عارفة اتصرف فى اى حاجة بقالى اسبوع اضطريت افتح الدولاب و اواجه البلاك بيرى

مش هـ دخلكم فى تفاصيل التعارف و الذى منه لكن بعد يومين اكتشفت انا الناس اللى بتبعت لى خرفان بتلعب فى العيد بعتت لى طلاسم. مكالمة خدمة العملاء لأى شركة بقت عاملة عندى زى زيارة الدكتور ... و طبعا انا متحفزة خلقة

المهم اتصلت و رد عليا نصر ... قولت له بص يا نصر انا عايزاك تصبر عليا قال لى حاضر بابتسامة بانت فى التليفون و ابتديت احكي له حكاية الخرفان و حكاية الانترنت و حكاية اللايف و باقى الخدمات بتاعة البلاك بيرى

نصر سمع بتركيز و حاول يساعدنى و بعدين قال لى انه هـ يجيب حد عنده نفس الموديل بتاعى علشان العيب عندى فى الجهاز مش عندهم فى الخدمة. انا قلبى وقع .. اكتر حاجة كنت خايفة منها انه يقول لى خدى الجهاز و روحى اى فرع قريب ... انا بكره المشاوير دى

دقايق و رد عليا ايهاب مصطفى ... لسة هـ احكى له قال ان نصر فهمه و انه معاه الجهاز بتاعه و هـ يمشى معايا خطوة خطوة ... ابتدينا ... و طبعا انا رمز العميل الغبى العنيد اللى عامل فاهم

المهم ايهاب قال لى ان ممكن المكالمة تقطع و احنا بنحاول نظبط السوفت وير ... قلت اه هيقول روحى الفرع و بدأت اتحفز ... لقيته بيقول لو عندك رقم تانى اديهولى و انا هـ اكلمك عليه .. قلت بيخلع و مش هلاقيه تانى .... علشان كدة عرفت اسمه بالكامل

قفلت و انا مش بايدى حيلة ... لقيبه فعلا كلمنى و قعد معايا على الخط 33 دقيقة بيحاول يشغل الخدمات ... و استحمل اسئلتى و الفتى و الشك و الزراير الغلط اللى دوست عليها و فى النهاية اشتغل الجهاز و الخدمات و هو لسة صابر و مبتسم .... برافو ... انا فعلا مبسوطة انا متأكدة ان الشابين دول هـيترقوا و ينجحوا لو فضلوا بالحماس و التفانى ده

مش زى الشوتايم ... دى حكاية تانية هـ احكيها لكم بعدين بلا خيبة

ابعتولى صور الخرفان بقى
:)

كيف يتطور الخلاف بين الرجل و المرأة؟

الفصل الثالث من كتاب د. هبة ياسين - اكتشف نصفك الاخر

1) مرحلة الكمون: حيث تولد المشكله و تكون موجوده بالفعل , لكن دون ادراك الطرفين لها, أو حتى مع ادراكهما لها, لكن دون ادراكهما لعواقبها و تأثيرها على حياتهما بعد, أو ربما محاولة منهما أو من أحدهما للتغاضي عن المشكله اعتقادا" منه أو منهما أنها ستمر بمرور الوقت.

2) مرحلة الاستثاره : حيث يبدأ تكرار المشكله في حث الزوجين على ابداء التضرر, أو تبدأ عواقب و آثار هذه المشكله في فرض نفسها على الحياه الزوجيه, و حينها يدرك الزوجين أن هذه المشكله موجوده بالفعل و تحتاج الى حل, و أنها لن تختفي من تلقاء نفسها كما اعتقدا من قبل.

3) الاصطدام: حيث يبدأ الطرفين بالمواجهه, التي غالبا" لا تكون مواجهه فعاله لأنها تتسم و خاصة" في أول الزواج بسمات الشجار و النزاع أكثر من اتسامها بسمات النقاش و الحوار.

4) انتشار النزاع: حيث ينتشر الخلاف من نقطه واحده الى عدة نقاط و عدة نواحي بحيث يسود جو النزاع بصفه عامه.

5) انهاء المشكله أو الزواج: و في هذه المرحله ينقسم الأزواج الى فريقين, الأول منهما يدرك حجم المشكله و يسعى الى تقليصها أو حلها من جذورها, و الفريق الآخر يعجز عن ذلك , أو يشعره جو النزاع و الخلاف بعدم الرغبه في انهاء المشكله, و يسعى في هذه الحاله الى انهاء الزواج ككل,غالقا" بذلك كل باب للمشاكل.

أما عن كيفية حدوث الأنفصال

1)المرحله الأولى : و هي مرحلة النقد الدائم, و لا يقصد هنا النقد بصفه عامه,و لكن يقصد به النقد المدمر اللاذع الذي ينتقد فيه الشخص الآخر و ليس سلوكه, و دون هواده أو شفقه , مما يجعل الآخر يضج بكم التهم المنسوبه اليه دون محاولة اصلاحها, و ربما يلجأ الى العند انتقاما" من الطرف الآخر, و تلك هي علامة التحذير رقم 1 التي تدل على أن العلاقه تسير في الاتجاه الخاطئ.
و في العلاقه الصحيحه بين الزوجين تكون امكانية التعبير عن الشكوى مكفوله, و بحريه تامه, لكن دون توجيه نقد لاذع, في حين أنه في حالة النقد الهدام لا يكون النقد محددا", كما لا يقدم فيه الناقد حلا".

2) المرحله الثانيه: مرحلة التفسير السلبي, و تعني سوء الظن بكل تصرفات الآخر, مما يؤدي الى سيطرة الأفكار المسمومه على العلاقه, فيحاول الشخص دائما" تفسير و فهم كل ما يفعله الآخر على محمل خاطئ و دون التماس أي عذر له.
و من الآثار الجانبيه للأفكار المسمومه هذه الأعراض العضويه التي قد يعاني منها بعض الأزواج دون أن يفطنوا الى سببها الحقيقي, و منها:
آلام الرأس و الرقبه, الصداع المزمن, آلام الظهر, قرحة المعده, الاكتئاب, القلق و الأرق, الوهن و قلة النشاط, التشوش و شدة الانفعال.
و كتطور طبيعي لهذه المرحله تتولد مشاعر الرغبه في الانتقام و الأخذ بالثأر كرد فعل لدى الطرف الآخر.

3) المرحله الثالثه: مرحلة التحقير و السخريه, ففي هذه المرحله يبدأ الشخص في الاستهزاء بالآخر و السخريه منه, و تحقير كل ما يقوم به, و هي مرحلة هجوم على الشخص نفسه و ليس ضد أفعاله.

4) المرحله الرابعه: مرحلة تصعيد الخلافات, حيث تأخذ دائما" الخلافات حجما" أكبر من حجمها, و تصبح أي مشكله مهما كانت بسيطه و صغيره مشكله كبيره , و يستحيل علاج كل مشكله, مما يؤدي الى أن يصبح كل طرف في حالة دفاع مستمر أو حتى في حالة هجوم مضاد.

5) المرحله الخامسه: مرحلة الانسحاب السلبي, و الذي يتراوح ما بين انسحاب جزئي جسدي الى انسحاب كلي نفسي و جسدي, و يتمثل ذلك في الهروب الدائم من أي نقاش, و تجنب العراك, و تجميد أي حوار, و يعتبر هذا الأخير من أقصى صور الدفاع السلبي, اذ يوجه فيه الطرف المجمد رسالة تباعد و تعالي و نفور و اشمئزاز من الطرف الآخر.
و في هذه المرحله يقع أحد الأمرين, اما الانفصال و الطلاق المعلن, أو الطلاق الصامت الذي يحياه الكثير من الأزواج, كأسلوب من أساليب الحفاظ على المظهر الاجتماعي, أو ربما لضرورة ما مثل تربية الأولاد , أو حتى لضروريات ماديه.

و من هنا يتضح جليا" أنه لللأسف حتى مع استمرار الزواج فهذا ليس مؤشرا" على نجاحه و توفيقه, فهناك نسبه لا بأس بها من الزيجات المستمره يجدر بنا اضافتها الى عداد المطلقين.

و من الجدير بالذكر أن 75% ممن يلجأون الى تجميد الحوار هم من الرجال, رغم أنه و لسخرية القدر المرأه في قمة غضبها و ثورتها لا تحتاج الا الى الحوار و التواصل الفعال.

و من هنا نخلص الى أن فقد الحوار و عزلة كل من الطرفين عن الآخر هي بداية النهايه, و ان كان النقد الهدام هو أول علامات أنك ضللت الطريق, فان فقد الحوار و انتهاء الكلمات هو آخر هذه العلامات, بعدها أنت أمام مفترق الطرق, اما التفكير في الاصلاح جديا", و اما الأفتراق نهائيا".

Thursday, November 13, 2008

بحب فيك ايه؟ برنامج مروة رخا و ياسمين ياسين على راديو حريتنا

برنامج بحب فيك إيه هنتكلم فيه عن الكل الصفات اللي كل واحد بيحبها في شريك حياته و اللي بيتمنى يلاقيها فيه استنونا كل يوم أحد و أربعاء من الساعة 6 مساء ولمدة ساعة على الهواء مباشرة مش بس كدة، مستنيين مشاركتكم معانا فى موضوع الحلقات أو أي استفسارات في المشاكل العاطفية والاجتماعية اللى بتواجهكم

الحلقة الاولى: فارس الحلام و فتاة الاحلام

الحلقة التانية: الثقة

الحلقة التالتة: الصراحة

الحلقة الرابعة: الاحترام و التقدير

الحلقة الخامسة: الاحتواء

الحلقة السادسة: الفخر

الحلقة السابعة: الاعتماد

الحلقة التامنة: الرجولة و الانوثة

علشان تسمعوا الحلقات دية: اضغط هنا
و لتحميلها عندكم: اضغط هنا

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Global Voices Online - Updates

GLOBAL VOICES - MARWA RAKHA

The Middle East's Generation Facebook

What will the Middle East look like 25 years from now? That was the assignment the World Policy Journal gave Mona El Tahawy for their 25th anniversary edition. Mona decided to have some fun and imagination. This is what she came up with, mixing real people in imaginary scenarios in 2033. Who knows? They might come true!

Egypt: Mother incriminated in a case of FGM

On November 7, Al Masry Al Youm Newspaper published an article (AR) about a 14 year old girl who was admitted into a hospital suffering of severe bleeding after an FGM procedure that went bad. Due to the above mentioned law, the hospital reported the case of the general attorney.

Egypt: Sexual Harassment Victim Stabbed to Death

I received an invitation to join a group named “Dr. Shaimaa Fouad … May you rest in Peace.” I did not know her and I wondered why anyone would invite me to such a group. Little did I know! Dr. Shaimaa Fouad died defending herself.

Egypt: Sexual Harassment Victims, Keep your Mouth Shut!

On November 1, Al Masry Al Youm shocked its readers with an article about two girls who went to the police station to report a sexual harassment incident but instead, they were detained for six hours and harassed by the officers on duty.

Speaking of Sexual Harassment: Noha Makes Egyptians Angry!

On October 30, Noha made Egyptians angry when Al Masry Al Youm newspaper published an article saying that Noha's lawyer Naglaa El Emam decided to appeal in favor of the harasser Sherif Gommaa after she found out that Noha was born in Jaffa and carries an Israeli passport. The lawyer also said that Noha sued a French officer for harassing her a year and a half ago when she was in France.

Speaking of Sexual Harassment: Noha Makes Egyptians Proud!

In an unprecedented case, sexual harasser Sherif Gommaa was sentenced to three years behind bars, hard labour, and was also ordered to pay 5,001 Egyptian pounds fine to Noha Roshdy Saleh for groping her in the street.

Why Do Egyptians Get Divorced?

This question has been circulating a lot in many unrelated circles nowadays. On Facebook, Alyaa Gad, an Egyptian physician living abroad, was shocked to know that "the governmental Central Body for Mobilisation and Statistics (CBMS) found that 75,000 divorce cases have been ruled on by Egyptian courts in 2006-2007, the survey found that in 45,000 cases the reason behind the divorce was the Internet."

Young Egyptian Women Do Not Want to Work

While some women are still struggling to prove themselves in the workplace, the young generation of Egyptian men and women seems to be taking a different route. Fantasia was watching an episode of El Beyoot Asrar (Homes have Secrets) where they were talking about women and whether they should work or not.

Egypt: Another Doweika Tragedy Waiting to Happen!

Students at the faculty of Engineering in Alexandria University created a group on Facebook called "The Mokattam Catastrophe to be repeated in the faculty of Engineering." The student's cry follows a tragedy in Doweika, a Cairo slum, where rocks came tumbling on homes, killing and maiming scores of poor people. In the description of the group the students wrote:

Who are those People .... in the People's Assembly?

In the aftermath of the Egyptian Parliament going up in flames, people's reactions ranged from utter shock, sadness, to gloating. Blogger Wael Nawara conducted an independent poll asking bloggers, readers, and Egyptian internet users to answer the following question: Does the Egyptian Parliament truly represent the people?

Suez Canal donates 1,000,000 Egyptian Pounds to Doweika Victims

After the Doweika catastrophe, where at least six hundred people were buried alive under the rubble of Moqattam hill, Asser decided to calculate how much time does it take Suez Canal to earn the one million pounds.

The SCA had announced, in a statement by its official speaker, that the general revenues of the Suez Canal in the month of August 2008 was the highest in its whole history, as it had passed 500 million USD or 2.746 billion EGP, the exact figure according to the speaker was 504 million Dollars.

Not Guilty: Egypt's Ferry Disaster

On February 3, 2006 Al-Salam ferry sank in the middle of the Red Sea killing more than 1,000 people who were coming to Safaga, Egypt from Saudi Arabia. The passengers were mainly Egyptian workers in Saudi Arabia, who were returning home on vacation or who were bringing their savings home to retire in their homeland. The Egyptian criminal court has found the owner of a Red Sea ferry and four others not guilty of manslaughter.

The families of the victims as well as Egyptian bloggers were shocked and angered. Wandering Scarab, in "The Dreaded Ferry" wrote:

Egypt Silences the Voice of Iran

On July 24th, Maggie Michael reported:

Egyptian authorities shut down the Cairo office of an Iranian TV network, a security official said Thursday, as the two nations spar over a film that justifies the killing of former Egyptian President Anwar Sadat by Islamic militants.

Blogger Dina Ayoub in her post Egypt vs Iran takes us back to the time when President Sadat signed the peace treaty with Israel:

Egypt: A Man's Views on Sexual Harassment

Emotional Deficit. For several decades, the Egyptian society was being Islamized, making the chances of having a natural and healthy pre-marriage boy-girl relationship ever diminishing. Marriage itself, it would seem is becoming more unaffordable than ever. The average age for marriage in Egypt for men has consistently increased. It is normal to see someone who is thirty years old who still has a few years to go before he can afford to provide the extensive requirements for marriage. In many cases, a young male in Egypt had to travel to the Gulf and work for a few years "building his fortune" to be able to afford the hefty burdens of marriage. Knowing that boys probably reach puberty at the age of 13 or 14, this means that a male in Egypt will spend some twenty years suffering from this emotional and "physical" deficit.

Mourning A Sexually Harassed Egypt - Part 2

Reuters published survey on sexual harassment in Egypt is still stirring angry responses from Egyptian bloggers. In her post titled "Shame and Sexual Harassment in Egypt", Mona Eltahawy took a trip back in time and visited her early experiences with sexual harassment:

Mourning a Sexually Harassed Egypt

Dina - now living in Vancouver - remembers what every Egyptian woman identifies with saying "There's this look in an Egyptian man's eyes that makes me want to poke his eyes out, mutilate his body parts, and then kill him. A psychotic, undressing, invasive and violating look. A look so disgusting that it makes me shiver in my own skin, and wish that the earth would just swallow me up to cover me from it. A look so filthy, that you can see the virtual assault on you in his sleazy eyes. I hate that look so much."

The Victimization of Egyptian Women and Children

In a not-so-rare scenario in Egypt, the man has the right to beat his wife and children as much and as severely as he wishes and no criminal charges can be filed against him - unless one of them dies as a result of this beating. Why?

"Because some crazy sadistic men have claimed that this is an authorized tool for disciplining a man's wife and children in Islam! Which is absolutely not true" explains the infuriated Fantasia.

From the Diary of a Sinister Egyptian Spinster

Back in March 2008, Eman Hashim wrote a post [Ar] questioning why do Muslim Egyptian women need a "wakeel" - a man who has to sign her off to her husband. Let me give you a bit more insight here: unlike western cultures where the father gives away the bride as a jest of his approval and blessing, in Islam the marriage is "flawed" if the father, or the uncle if the father is deceased, has to speak on the bride's behalf through out all the paperwork and marriage procedures. Many sheikhs frown upon the thought of a girl - especially one who has never been married before and who is supposedly a virgin - marrying herself away.

Walk Like an Egyptian ... Marry Like an Egyptian

One particular post about Egyptian women getting married to foreign men caught my attention.

In her post about The Whores, Ghawayesh starts by saying: "Times are changing and many ‘respected' families have come to accept the fact that their daughters can make their own choices of choosing to marry whoever they want, if they EVER CHOOSE to marry, which is also a new trend in Egypt."

"Beware of Egyptian Men," says the Canadian Embassy

Wandering Scarab - an Egyptian girl living in Canada - prior to her last visit to Egypt, decided to visit the Canadian Consulate website to register with the consulate in Egypt just in case her Canadian husband or her baby girl needed assistance with travel or local authorities. What she read on the site was appalling and ended up in her writing this post.

Women, particularly foreign women, are frequently subject to unpleasant male attention, sexual harassment, and verbal abuse. This often takes the form of staring, inappropriate remarks, catcalls, and touching. The Department publishes a booklet entitled Her Own Way: A Woman's Guide to Safe and Successful Travel. Its prime objective is to inform Canadian women and encourage them to travel safely.

Obama's ripple effect on the Egyptian blogosphere - Part 1

Politics is not my thing but this was too good to resist. When I came across Wael Nawara's writings I knew that I stumbled on a goldmine. In his post - Too Secular to Win? - Wael asked four tough questions that left his readers wondering: What is the world coming to? Where is Secular America? When did people stop thinking that a person's religion is their own business? Can Obama, if he ever wins, try to help change that? Help pick our world from these trends of rising religious-mania ... starting with the US? But will he ever win?

Wael started his post by citing an average American woman who was interviewed on CNN saying:

"I do not trust him (Obama) he is a Muslim ..."

Obama's ripple effect on the Egyptian blogosphere - Part 2

Moving from Secularism and diversity to the Rantings of a Sandmonkey on Why Obama will Fail;

"In my house , right now, I have the electoral programs for both Obama and McCain, and reading them has provided me with hours of constant amusement. McCain's program is under the impression that the world is great and everything is fine and dandy, and all we really have to do is to bomb a couple more areas in the world (a bomb here, a couple there) and all will be well with the world again. I personally love it, but that's because I am Pro-Death and would welcome anything that would bring the world's population down a notch, but I doubt the rest of you exactly share my sentiment, so, ehh, yeah, bad electoral program, bad!"

What if the SEX is not Good?

Male voice: Hello, is that Marwa Rakha?
Me: Yes! Who is that?
Male voice: A ... I have a problem.
Me: Sure, how can I help?
A: I have been married for six months and I hate my wife. I hate how she walks and talks. I made a mistake and I want to get a divorce.
Me: Ok ... slow down and start from the start.
A: I am 25 and she is 22. I met her through friends. She was a nice polite girl. We dated for a few months. I proposed. We got married. We live with my mother.
Me: Why do you hate her?
A: She is SLOW ... too damn slow!
Me: What do you mean by "slow"? (That was a first for me)
A: She wakes me up every morning to go to work. I sit in bed and watch how slow she is preparing my breakfast, ironing my shirt, fetching my bag, and giving me my lunch basket.
Me: Go on! (I hated the guy ... but I held my peace)
A: I come home from work and I watch how slow she is preparing lunch or dinner. I even told her to learn from my mom but she is still not good at anything. She takes forever to bring me something. It is like having a useless turtle at home.
Me: Did you tell her how you felt about her?
A: Yes ... I even told her that when I go out with my friends I flirt and I am willing to have a relationship.
Me: How is the sex?
A: Excuse me?!
Me: How is the sex?
A: This is embarrassing!
Me: I need to know the answer.
A: BAD.
Me: Are you satisfied?
A: Of course not!
Me: Is she satisfied?
A: Of course!
Me: How do you know?
A: I know ... I am a man. Can you stop the questions and tell me what to do?!

This is just one example of the problems that I deal with almost on daily basis. I know that sex and any sex-related topics are very sensitive issues and I also know that there are people out there waiting for me to make a mistake and declare that I am pro pre-marital sex. Tough luck! I will not!

Read More

Things Couples SHOULD NOT Take for Granted

A friend of mine told me that he had had revelation - a moment of epiphany he called it - as he realised that he is addicted to falling in love: the excitement, the warmth, the high, the getting to explore a new partner, and the other feelings that come with meeting a new person. He also told me that after that initial phase has passed, he has withdrawal symptoms that involve taking his partner for granted. He no longer has butterflies in his stomach when she calls and he no longer wants to go out of his way to please or to impress her. He said that he will eventually get married to the girl he is seeing now, but he misses the beginnings. Listening to him talk made me realise that most couples, knowingly or unknowingly, fall into this trap and the longer they stay with their partners, the more they take them for granted. The next thing you know, they are both unhappy and they have both forgetten why they even got together in the first place. This piece is an attempt to remind each man and woman who is in a relationship of the things they take for granted and shouldn't.

Read More

شخصية البنت اخر حاجة تعلق عليها

ده مش كلامى يا اخوانا
ده شعار حملة اعلانات مشروب بريل على التليفزيون
قاعدة فى حالى دلوقتى حالا بحاول اقرا كلمتين ينفعونى قمت لقيت اعلان فيه اربع رجالة قاعدين على ما يشبه ترابيزة البار العالية و
عدت واحدة واخدة تان و شعرها اصفر طويل و هى طول بعرض و متصورة بالتصوير البطئ جاية عليهم ..
كهلم بصوا
و هى بصت لواحد و قالت له هاى مرسى باين ... المهم عرفته ....
طبعا اصحابه اللى كلهم فحولة بصوا له بحقد ..
رد و قال بس شخصيتها هايلة و بعدين يطلع شعار الحملة كأنه بينهره
و يقول شخصية البنت اخر حاجة تعلق عليها
قام مرسى اخد بقين من البريل و انتفش
و المعلق قال بصوت عميق
اشرب بريل و استرجل

كان لازم الحق اكتبها قبل ما اتنقط

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Noor

People deal with turbulence differently; some people take drugs or drink alcohol, others sleep, write, or cry.

I clean up; I clean up my house, tidy my closets, label the items in my drawers, wash my car inside out, clear up my desktop, and rearrange the folders on my drives.

Today, as I was going though my recycle bin - yes I do that too - I found a word document titled Noor and I had no recollection of its contents. I decided to have one last look at it before I permanently delete it and there she was - the loveliest young girl I have met.

I do not know how I deleted that file but I was happy to have found it.

Noor Kamel is the youngest poet I know and I am proud to write about her today. I met the 9 year old poet at an event organized by Iman Youssef the founder of A New Book In The Market.

Little Noor got on stage and began reciting the poems she wrote since she was 7.

At the end of her reading she looked at her audience and said "It is never the end; it is always the beginning."

When she got off stage, she threw her little arms around me and restored my faith in love, happiness, and innocence.

I would like to share with you some of her poems and illustrations hoping that they would have the same effect on you as they had on me.

I am not a virgin (Campus Magazine - October Issue)

I clarified in my earlier writings that in the eyes of God males and females are judged on the same criteria and I have always wondered about our society and how it applauds something when it is done by one gender and then condemns that very same thing when it is done by the other gender knowing that all religions forbade that thing. I never understood how a man could choose a lie over the truth and how God's most favored creature could be so ruthless and judgmental when it came to his female counterpart. This dilemma has pushed girls to extremes; those who have complete sexual relations with the exception of intercourse, those who have "backdoor" sex, and those who have hymen reconstruction surgeries.

Here is my reply to the all the girls who lost their virginity and cannot move on:

I want you to understand that you are not alone and I also want you to understand that it is also not the end of the world.

1) Losing your virginity does not mean that you are a slut

2) Having sex with a man you love makes you human - nothing less and nothing more.

3) We live in a society that loves lies and is in love with liars ... you are better than them ... way better.

4) God is not a God of hatred and punishment ... God is loving and forgiving ... God does not look at your outside ... veil or no veil is not the question ... God looks at your inside and at your actions ... do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Read More

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dear Man - I want to hurt you

Dear MAN

Look at me; look again; look closer;
Do you even see me?

Listen to me; listen more; listen deeper;
Do you even hear me?

A woman aching for her man;
A hunter aching to be a prey;

Why are you so lifeless?
Why are you so passionless?

I am not your sister.
Why are you so tame?

I am not your friend.
Why are you so lame?

I am not your mother.
Yet I am to blame.

I hate you!

I have watched my self grow into the man that I dread that most; I have become the jerk I always complained of; I am now blaming you for every time I hit you, for every offence I aimed your way, for every attack I launched on you, for every hurtful word I darted at you ... I was a sweet girl ... now I am an abusive woman! Look what you have made me do? Look what you have made me say? Why did you make me hurt you? You make me feel invisible and it hurts. You make me feel genderless and it hurts even more. You make me want to hurt you. I resent you!

More

Dear Man - I love you

Dear man
I am just a woman in love and I really do not know why. For all the reasons I mentioned above do not do you any justice. I just love you ... and come what may.

I am taking off my masks;
Putting down my guns
I am unarmed.
I am just a girl.
Our differences I want to set aside.
Our similarities let's unite.
Our past I shall erase
With the present I shall replace.
I need to love you.

Why? Find out here

بحب فيك ايه؟ - حلقة عن فارس الاحلام و فتاة الاحلام

برنامج ... بحب فيك إيه ؟

علي راديو حريتنا دوت نت

مع ياسمين ياسين

و مروة رخا ... مستشارة العلاقات العاطفية والإجتماعية

كلنا بنحب.. طيب بنحب ليه ؟ يعنى إيه بحبه عشان طيب؟

يعنى إيه بحبها عشان جميلة؟..

برنامج بحب فيك إيه هنتكلم فيه عن الكل الصفات اللي كل

واحد بيحبها في شريك حياته و اللي بيتمنى يلاقيها فيه..

استنوا ياسمين ياسين كل يوم أحد و أربعاء من الساعة 6

مساء ولمدة ساعة على الهواء مباشرة في لقاء دائم مع

مستشارة العلاقات العاطفية والاجتماعية مروة رخا..

مش بس كد، مستنيين مشاركتكم معانا فى موضوع الحلقات

أو أي استفسارات في المشاكل العاطفية والاجتماعية اللى

بتواجهكم.. مع مروة رخا و ياسمين ياسين

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أو كلمونا على تليفون

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ادخل على موقع راديو حريتنا

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هتلاقى بانر على الشمال مكتوب عليه :

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ياللا دوس عليه و اسمعنا

أو حمل شريط أدوات راديو حريتنا من هنا

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استمع الان

Monday, October 13, 2008

عزيزى الرجل الشرقى ... أنا اُفضل أن أكون عشيقتك مش مراتك! - كلنا ليلى

ليه؟؟
أقول لك ليه ومش عايزة قلة أدب وطولة لسان! على رأى المثل: "ايش خد الريح من البلاط؟"، انت كـزوج عامل زى البلاط، وكله بالأدلة والبراهين بمقارنة بسيطة بين "برستــيــج" مراتك ووضع عشيقتك هـ تلاقى الآتى

وشك مقلوب وبوزك شبرين قدام الست بتاعتك كعلامة من علامات الرجولة والفحولة والسيطرة. أما بقى مع عشيقتك كله ضحك وهزار وكركعة للصبح لأنك ابن نكته وقعدتك ما يتشبعش منها

لو عندك مشكلة فى الشغل عيب تحكيها لمراتك علشان انت أسد وعيب صورتك تتهز قدامها. إنما عشيقتك هى العتبة اللى بـ ترمى عليها همومك وتفضفض معاها من غير ما تنقح عليك كرامتك

مراتك جاهلة ومش بـ تفهم لا فى الشغل ولا فى السياسة ولا فى البطيخ. لكن عشيقتك لازم تسمع آرائها باهتمام أحسن تحس إنك بـ تعرفها للجنس وبس

الهم والغم من نصيب أم العيال. والورد والهدايا والفسح والدلع والشخلعة من نصيب ست الحسن والجمال

الشخط والنطر من نصيب حرمكم المصون. والصوت الناعم والرقة والخفة لأمورتنا الحلوة

بيت الزوجية ريحته طبيخ مسبك حسب أوامر سيادتك. البيت التانى بقى ريحته مسك وعنبر برضه حسب أوامرك يا سى السيد

مراتك ولا تخرج ولا تنبسط ولا تشم هوا وإلا تبقى خرجت عن طوعك. أما عشيقتك فغصب عنك لازم تثق فيها وتسيب لها الحبل على الغارب

مراتك طالق لو لبست مايوه على البحر ونزلت الميه معاك ومع العيال. مشمشة قمر فى البيكينى وانت طبعا راجل متحضر وسافرت بلاد بره وفاهم الموضة

مراتك تسأل عن ماضيها بالتفاصيل لأنها اسم النبى حارسها هـ تشيل اسمك. أما أول جملة لتظبيط العشيقة بـ تقول فيها: احنا أولاد النهارده، وانت ليك عندها من يوم ما عرفتها

مراتك تحرم عليك لو صوتها على عليك فى لحظة فاض بيها وتجيب أبوها يربيها. عشيقتك برضه لحم ودم ولازم تستحملها وتاخدها فى حضنك لو اتعصبت ورميتك بطوبة

غيرة مراتك عليك شغل ستات وفضا وقلة عقل ودين. إنما غيرة عشيقتك على قلبك زى العسل وإلا تبقى مش بتحبك يا "بيبى"

السهرة مع المدام قدام التليفزيون ... والسهرة مع الشحرورة كلها رقص ومغنى وحكايات ولا ألف ليلة وليلة

مراتك تكون فى البيت الساعة 10 بالكتير. وعشيقتك تروح وتيجى وقت ما هىّ عايزة

الفانلة والبيجامة الكاستور لأم العيال. والحرير والبرفان المستورد للبرنسيسة

طلبات مراتك للبيت تبذير وقصر نظر وسفه حريم. وطلبات عشيقتك زى العسل على قلبك ... هو انت فديك الساعة لما نونو تطلب منك حاجة؟

مراتك تندبح لو لها صديق مذكر، لكن عشيقتك طبعا "كوول" ولها أصدقاء كتير وانت "سبور" وفاهم الكلام ده

الست مراتك تبقى فاجرة لو شربت سيجارة ولا ضحكت بصوت عالى. إنما الست التانية بقى بـ تبقى "سيكسى" موت وهى بـ تدخن وبـ تسكر وبـ ترقص

مراتك لو كلمتك فى الشغل تبقى خنقة ومش فاهمة إنك شايل المكتب على دماغك. وعشيقتك يوم لما تكلمك ده يبقى يوم المنى لأنك طبعا وحشتها

لو جاملت مراتك وجبرت خاطرها بكلمة حلوة تخاف لا تتمرع عليك. عشيقتك بقى لو غلطت فيها بكلمة هـ تعتذر بكام ورقة بـ 100 وهـ تذرف الدمع لغاية ما ترضى عنك

مع مراتك بـ تشيخ وتعجّز ألف قرن. مع عشيقتك "انت روح الشباب طعم الشباب"

فى بيتك انت عامل زى حكومة أحمد نظيف: "شادد الحزام ومقدم شهادة فقر". فى بيت مشمشة انت عامل زى حملة أوباما للرئاسة: "وعود وورود ومن جنيه لميت ألف!"

مراتك لازم تلبى نداءك فى فراش الزوجية وإلا الملايكة هـ تلعنها للصبح. أما عشيقتك فكله بالخناق إلا المزاج بالاتفاق ... وإلا هـ تطفش من وشك

مراتك أم العيال عيب تطلب منك حاجة كده ولا كده علشان تنبسط لحظة "اللى بالى بالك"، وإلا بقيت قليلة الأدب ولازم ترجع بيت أبوها. لكن قطتنا الجميلة طلباتها أوامر وأحلامها متعتك وكله تحت بند الدلع

سرير المدام كله شوك وانت زى ما تكون فى مهمة رسمية. السرير التانى بقى بـ يخلى الزمن يقف والفن والعبقرية كلها بـ تبان - لعل المعنى يكون مفهوم

واحدة اتدبست خلاص فـ تخبط دماغها فى الحيط. والتانية إيه اللى يغصبها على المر فلازم تراضيها وتحايلها

مراتك عصفور فى اليد واجب عليك تعذيبه وتنتيف ريشه حتى لا يطير. عشيقتك عصفور على الشجرة لو اتفزع أو زهق منك هـ يطير، فعليك بالبر والتغريد معه طوال الوقت

فاكرين سى السيد والست أمينة؟ فاكرين كانت غلبانة ومقهورة ومرعوبة من البيه بتاعها ازاى؟ طيب فاكرين هو كان قاسى وجامد ومتحجر معاها ازاى؟ افتكروا كمان بقى عشيقة سى السيد والدلع والهنا والحنية اللى كانت من نصيبها! افتكروا أى فيلم أو أى مسلسل كان فيه رجل شرقى "حمش ودكر" وافتكروا كان بـ يتصرف ازاى فى بيته وسط عياله: حاجة تغم وتقبض القلب. افتكروا بقى نفس الراجل ده مع عشيقته: سبحان مغيّر الأحوال

قولوا لى بقى الزوجة هنا كسبت إيه؟ اتبهدلت واتنكدت واتقيدت وكل احتياجاتها اتسفهّت. حد قال الشرعية؟ حد قال الشرف؟ شرعية إيه وشرف إيه لما الدنيا كلها بـ تمصمص شفايفها على حالها اللى يصعب على الكافر؟! حالها وقف واتكتب عليها الهم فى البيت والفضيحة بره البيت ... آه فضيحة لأن كل الناس عارفة إن جوزها مطلع عينها وبـ يخونها وسايبها فى البيت تربى العيال وهو بـ يشوف مزاجه. العار والشرف وجهان لعملة واحدة ... وفى المقارنة ما بين معاملة الرجل الشرقى لمراته ومعاملته لعشيقته أى حد هـ يفهم إن العار كان من نصيب الزوجة! وفى النهاية أحب اسألكم: تاكلوا زفت لوحدكم ولا تاكلوا تفاح مع الناس؟؟

نشرت فى مجلة احنا فى اغسطس 2008

http://laila-eg.blogspot.com/

Women are like Ducks - from The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt

Today, for no justified reason, I decided to come clean with a new confession; women are like ducks. When I look at women, instead of faces, I see ducks. There are several categories of ducks in my world; wild ducks, stuffed ducks, black ducks, and sitting ducks. There are pure, hybrid, and deformed breeds of ducks … Let me illustrate to give you a better idea.

Wild ducks are fearless spirits, risk-takers, and trend-setters. In the prairie, among beasts they live, yet highly respected and well positioned. No one dares pluck their feathers, tame, mold, frame, or domesticate them. Those creatures are often criticized, rejected, and resisted but it never makes them any weaker or milder. Whether other ducks look up to them or look down on them, they just cannot be as wild or as free. Unlike black ducks, they know who they are, what they want, and where they want to go. Wild ducks end on a plate only if shot dead or ambushed.

At the other extreme, black ducks are outcasts; like their market value, their self esteem, and their social acceptance are low. Their flaw could be related to their physique, social disposition, spiritual inclination, tarnished reputation, or unheard of ideas. Black ducks are sentenced to a lifetime of isolation and alienation – and it hurts them. A black duck wants to be unnoticed, unheard, unseen, and, in a way, invisible. They are the geeks, the nerds, and the pimple-faced teenagers that never grow into anything more assertive. Since the men of this world are not blessed with insight into their souls, black ducks, end up alone or on the plate of an equal male outcast. Being a black duck is a stigma that neither time nor blood could erase.

Going down the ladder, stuffed ducks are a delight to look at and a pleasure to feast over. They are perfect for social occasions and for showing off purposes – each man on the table has a stuffed duck on his plate! Being full of rice, onions, and any leftovers in the fridge, stuffed ducks look bigger and better than other ducks – posh and grand. They lure men by their big bloated over-fed over-exposed over-stuffed appearance only to give them, instead of nourishing meat, a plate full of constipating legumes. Needless to say, one can only handle that much of stuffed fowl. Their mission in life is to look good – and stuffed! Stuffed ducks land on the plate of whoever pays more.

Sitting ducks are pathetically lovely; you can caress them, fondle them, shoot them, cook them, stuff them, or cage them. They are tame, demure, docile, and disciplined. Sitting ducks are anything but confrontational – they will whine, complain, and bitch about something to everyone and anyone but their offender. Sitting ducks have neither flying abilities nor argumentative capabilities; they are an easy catch, a quick dump, and a perfect emotional punching bag. They do not land on a man’s plate; they end up in his fridge for use when there is no other food on his table – sitting ducks are always taken for granted and never appreciated.

Our culture encourages sitting ducks, exiles wild ducks, despises black ducks, and craves for stuffed ducks, but pure breeds are rare nowadays; for example, I am a hybrid of wild and black ducks- and that says it all about me. Men drool over the offspring of crossbreeding stuffed ducks and sitting ducks; such ducklings fit all the molds of our patriarchal society. Some men are stupid enough to think that they can turn a wild duck into a sitting duck, or even worse, turn a black duck into a stuffed duck. The most hazardous type is a mix of wild ducks and stuffed ducks; they think they rule the world.

Continuing the bird analogy, I would classify swans, ostriches, and birds of prey as deformed breeds. Swans are the vain girls who do not practice what they preach; they claim to be on a high ethical pedestal when their feet are in deep mud. Ostriches burry their heads in the sand thinking they outsmarted everyone when they are nothing but blind, stupid, and ignorant. They easily point out the flaws in others, and because their heads are in the sand, they believe that no one could see their flaws. Hawks are a carnivorous strain of women that feeds on its own friends and loved ones. They are full of envy, venom, evil, and have zero tolerance and no resilience. Multiple deformities occur but the outcome is a creature that is, at best, disgusting.

http://laila-eg.blogspot.com/

About divorce at a young age - from the Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt

I cannot deny that there are times when I wonder how my life would have differed had I not called off my wedding. If I woke up on the right side of the bed, my thoughts took me to a cozy house with a loving husband and lovely kids; but if it was one of my countless bad hair days, I envisioned a miserable wife in a boring marriage with teary-eyed kids, and sleepless nights contemplating a flawless murder. I am certain that had I married the guy who used to exercise his “stick”, or the guy who wanted to deliver his own babies, or the alcoholic, or the neurotic, or the psychotic, or the caveman, or any other guy, I would have been divorced. I do not think I would have made it past the first month, let alone the first year. I was miraculously saved but many young Egyptian couples were not as lucky.

What fed their dreams to the shredder? What turned their vows into curses? To love but not to hold? For the better but not for the worst? For the richer because no one wants the poorer? In health but never in sickness? What would make a young bride runaway from the love nest? What would make prince charming flee on his not-so-white horse? Was it a bad choice? Was it that marriage put an end to the dating farce? Is it the lies? Is it the false pretences? Could it be expectations? Could their premature divorce be the only natural outcome of the marriage of a couple who were incubated in a schizophrenic society? Am I being too pessimistic? Am I being too realistic?

We are victims of our society. The double standards that we are brought up to adopt create what we call in business, an execution gap. There is a big void between where we really are and where we want to be; what we want and what we have; how we feel and how we act. We drown in an abyss of deluding illusions, unrealistic expectations, fake emotions, consuming demands, and the inevitable frustration. We get married for the wrong reasons; we mistake lust for love and confuse stability with stagnation. Mothers are over protective as though they want to suck us back into their wombs. Fathers discriminate between their sons and daughters. Women sing to the deaf ears of their male counterparts. Men play to the sensitive tunes of the female vulnerability. Traditions, manners, taboos, and religion mix in one melting pot that defines stereotyped outlines for our ideal character and our perfect mate. We are dictated the answers to all the quizzes but we are left to face the final tests alone – we fail with flying colors.

http://laila-eg.blogspot.com/

Single at 34 - from The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt

I love sunset tea in the terrace with my mom; I love the tea, the sunset, the mint in the tea, her cat playing with the teabag, but I hate the conversations she strikes! I was enjoying a great moment watching a lovely bird flying in utter freedom across the horizon when my mom broke into my space capsule and asked me: “Why did your last engagement last three days?” I was too perplexed to reply when she hit me with the second bomb of a question: “Why did you break up with your first fiance two months before your wedding?” I was still trying to figure out where these darts were coming from when she hit me with “Why are you still single?” By the time words found their way to my mouth, she was already stoning me with her questions: “What was wrong with H, A, M, K, B, T. R, N, O, S, E, Z ….? Why did you turn down C, D, X, F, G, I, J, L, P, Q, U, V, W, Y ….? Why don’t you get married to one of your friends? Why do you have brothers that I never gave birth to? Don’t you want to have a baby? Don’t you want to have a home? Don’t you want to be happy?”

My mind got on the time machine and I remembered the first marriage proposal I got; I was 16 and he was 22. I remember feeling flattered, excited, and important; I was already dreaming of the ring, the wedding, the dress, the honeymoon, and the home. As a little girl my granny, the best story-teller ever, used to tell me nice stories that involved mainly princes, castles, white horses, and happily ever after. It was not difficult for the little girl in me to wear the crown and gown, and ride behind prince-charming for an eternity of love and happiness. My mother, grand mothers, aunts, and any woman who ever set foot in our house wished me one thing: A man who would take care of me and make me happy!

Judging by the standards of our society, I was a “normal” girl growing up; I had nothing against men, marriage, kids, and mothers in law. When I turned 20, all the heads turned to look at the lucky man whose ring will adorn my finger. Years later, I am still single, and I have gone through a great metamorphosis since my teen years. Countless men came my way; I have seen those who stink in the mind, those who stink in the heart, and those who stink in the flesh! They all just stink!

That day on her terrace, my mom cross examined me, questioned my sanity, and was totally oblivious of my motives. I made no sense to her; I asked her why people got married and she told me that I was no longer seven to ask such a silly question. That was a clear sign that my peaceful sunset tea was over and that I had to make a quiet exit.

So, why do women get married? To have a home, to have kids, to leave their parents’ house, to start a life, to make love, to be responsible …? This is so wrong! Biological and physiological needs like food, air, shelter, and sex, and safety needs like security, protection, and stability are at the very base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The need for belonging and love is midway between these two basic needs and the two superior needs of esteem and self-actualization. Looking at my aspirations now and my beliefs ten years ago, I can only be eternally grateful that I am not married to any of the men who came into my life.

A ten minutes meeting with an NLP guru six years ago changed my life. He asked me about what I was looking for in my prince-charming and I innocently said: “I want him to make me happy”. At the age of 25 I still believed in fairytales; a gorgeous man will stop me on the way to work, get off his horse, kiss my hand, kneel, point his magic wand at me, and order happiness to take home in my heart. The NLP expert clapped twice, woke me from my beauty sleep, and told me that if I was not a happy person on my own, no one would make me happy … ever! His words marked my memory and I slowly moved up Maslow’s pyramid towards achievements, status, responsibility, personal growth, and fulfillment. Now I am facing a bigger problem!

In the movie Runaway Bride, Maggie Carpenter (Julia Roberts) asked Ike Graham (Richard Gere) if there was one right person for everyone, he said: “No, but I think attraction is mistaken for rightness.” I have been attracted to many people but none of them felt right. There were always the ominous mental notes, the odd vibes, and the bad sparks. In my future vision of myself, I see kids and lots of fun, but no man … I see myself as a single mom.

What is difficult about asking for a man with who I can have endless conversations? Who will be faithful? Who will hold my hand as we watch TV? Who will make me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth even when I feel like a shaggy doll? Who I know will come to my rescue whenever I call? Who will give me a knot in the stomach when I think of him? Whose name or number on my phone will draw a smile on my face? Who is my equal? Who appreciates my independence, cherishes my strength, and respects my weakness? Who is not some needy freak or disgusting creep? Who will let me be and love me for who I am? Is this too much to ask for nowadays? I am no princess so I no longer expect a prince!

Maggie Carpenter finally made it to the alter; she proposed to him saying:

“Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.” I will wear a ring and keep it, love a man and keep him, and get married and stay married, only when something in my heart tells me that he is the only one for me and that if I let him go, I will regret it for the rest of my life!

http://laila-eg.blogspot.com/

About virginity - from The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt

“I broke up with her … she is not a virgin” with these words my best friend, Sparky, woke me up on a lovely sunny Friday. I got in my lazy weekend outfit and I drove to that sunny promenade downtown to meet him. My mind was still asleep, I was not sure of what I had to say to him and I did not know what to expect to hear about her. Shania Twain’s ominous song, “It only hurts when I am breathing”, was playing on the radio and my heart went out to the poor girl Sparky broke up with the night before, yet I decided to keep my thoughts to myself and listen to him with an objective pair of ears.

I pulled a chair, adjusted it to face the sun, ordered a hot cup of tea with mint, looked at Sparky with big green eyes, and told him to tell me what happened. He moved a nervous hand through his tousled black hair and told me in the saddest tone ever “She deceived me … I fell in love with a slut … I will make her pay for it!” My lovely Friday was ruined as I asked him to tell me what turned his angel into a slut overnight.

“I told you ... she is not a virgin … she confessed yesterday … I asked her if she did it before and I was sure she would say she did not … she looked so innocent … but instead she told me she did … I went deaf then numb then mad and I broke up with her … what more do you want to know?” Sparky barked back at me.

“Take it easy now and let’s break this down to little pieces.” I said carefully trying not to infuriate him. As I avoided the slightest eye contact, I took a sip of my tea and asked him “Ok … she is not a virgin … what does this say about her?”

Sparky did not take much time thinking, “She is a slut; she is loose; she is easy; she cannot be trusted; she is not fit to be neither a wife nor a mother; she did it before marriage and she is most likely going to do it after marriage.” He said with utter confidence; and as though his problem was suddenly resolved with this conclusion, he asked for the check, thanked me for my support, and left.

My drive home was far from pleasant; I was angry! My sense of justice was provoked and I could see visions of me whipping all the Sparkies in the world with my counter argument. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell my best friend that he was a big fat fake lie; that he was a selfish egocentric sexist; that I envied his ex girlfriend for getting rid of him while I was stuck with him in this so-called friendship.

This is not fair! He called her a slut, denied her the right to be a wife and a mother, turned her into a cheap piece of meat, and decided that she will cheat on whoever decides to take pity on her and marry her. What about the other side of the coin? What about the accomplice in the crime? What about you Sparky? Are you a virgin? Well, I know you are not! I know you have done it, bragged about it, and never missed a chance to blow your own horn when it came to talking about it. He turned a human being into a chocolate bar and he wanted to be the first to unwrap the chocolate bar!

Now what does that say about the Sparkies we know? What does that say about our society? For him it is a subject worthy of pride, appreciation, and admiration, while for her it is a subject of shame, humility, and disgrace. He brags about his big deeds to every Tom, Dick, and Harry, while she strives to burry the deep dark secret. His mom proudly jokes about his adventures and his dad gives him well-kept advice, while her family, if they found out, would rather she caught an exotic disease and died when she was a child.

Agreeing that in the eyes of God males and females are judged on the same criteria, let’s dig deep into the attitude of Sparky. Let’s try to figure out why men, in our male-dominated society, think and behave like that. Let’s also find out the reasons that make girls accept that behavior. Why is experience an advantage on his side and a disadvantage on hers? Why does he expect her to forgive and forget about his past while he insists on a detailed confession of her amours? Well Sparky, I know you are not going to like the answers I came up with.

It can all be traced back and tied down to insecurity. Sparky is after all a scared little boy who does not want to be evaluated, judged, or measured up, or down, against benchmarks from her previous relationships. He is a lazy male prototype who does not want to work hard to keep her happy, satisfied, and fulfilled in their marriage. He does not want her to compare notes and give grades. He does not want to hear comments, remarks, or observations from her, he just wants his cute doll to look at him with grateful eyes and thank him for being in her life. He does not want to listen to her needs; he wants to hear how good he makes her feel and how much of an expert he is.

Sparky wants to play master-slave with her; she will never complain, leave him, or get a life, while he is busy with his wild goose chases. She will never threaten to walk out on their marriage, or dump him for negligence and first-degree murder of the love she had for him. He wants to be the source of whatever sexual knowledge she acquires, and as her sole and prime teacher he will teach her the uses and benefits of yes, thank you, and you are the best!

Now let’s examine her ... what is wrong with us girls? Why do we let the Sparkies get away with it? I know it is easier asked than answered … but let me try … it is years and generations of accumulated traditions that tied our hands to our feet, blindfolded our eyes and gagged our mouths. I could not tell Sparky in his face that he was a hypocrite; if she was loose then he was loose and if she would cheat on her husband then he would cheat on his wife. For having sex, he could not trust her, so why would any other girl trust him?

She could have easily lied ... she could have easily “rewrapped” the chocolate bar. The price of a pair of Italian boots would have saved her pride and would have made her a happy bride. When she was honest she was rejected. Sparky did not appreciate the fact that she respected him enough to tell him the truth. I am sure that next time she will get smarter and swear on her mother’s life that she does not know how babies are made, and I am sure that the next Sparky, like all the other Sparkies, would rather be lied to than be faced with such an ugly truth! I wonder how happy will the next Sparky be with his brand new rewrapped chocolate bar.

In our circles we see a lot of “chocolate bars” who hold on to the wrapping but we all know how they went from one hand to the other. There are girls who literally got naked with so many men yet managed to hold on to that little piece of skin that, in the eyes of Sparky, makes a girl an angel or a slut. Egyptian men are not thinking straight … a slut is not a label; it is a whole attitude of a girl who is willing to lie, cheat and twist facts ... a virgin is not a medical term; it is a girl who is honest, pure and sincere … a girl is not a chocolate bar and Sparkies are definitely not Smarties.

I am not promoting premarital sex; I am neither defending girls who lost their virginity nor attacking guys who want to be the first to unwrap the chocolate bar … I am just asking how can a society applaud something when it is done by one gender and then condemn that very same thing when it is done by the other gender knowing that all religions forbid that thing? How can a man choose a lie over the truth? How can God’s most favored creature be so ruthless and judgmental when it comes to his female counterpart? How do I tell Sparky what I really think of him?

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مونتيسوري مصر

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