Beyond Firewalls - Back from the Adult Underworld

Was I bored? Maybe! Was it loneliness? Possibly! Was I hurting and in need of a quick fix? Maybe all of that and more! It was just one of those insane moments when one consciously decides to break a rule for the heck of it. I typed the address of the world's largest sex & swinger personals community in the browser box and waited for what seemed like an eternity before I clicked the “go” button. The homepage featured a clip of a semi-naked babe dressed in almost nothing, and her eyes seemed to stare back at me as though she was challenging me to actually do it.

I was too intrigued to walk away. I accepted the webmaster’s invitation to create an account – Actually, I created two. For my female account, I came up with a super sexy name, ripped an extra seductive picture off the net, wrote a state-of-the art introduction about myself, filled in the required fields, and submitted my form. I went through the same steps to create my male profile, but the name and the picture were more inspiring. I took shelter in a foreign name; Jenny and Mike were the names I used when I talked to people. Immediately, I received a congratulations email and my passwords. I was all set to go. If you are expecting a traditional critique of online dating, stop reading here and save yourself more than a handful of shocking details.

Good! You decided to read on. So, the first logical place to start was definitely browsing the profiles of other members to get an overall idea (209,749 listings in Egypt). Then it was only natural to start searching the profiles based on my personal preferences; country, age, gender, hair, eyes, body type, endowment, bedroom interests, marital status, fantasies, desired type of relationship, and other options. I decided to go for four basic searches in Egypt; men looking for women, men looking for men, women looking for men, and women looking for women. The handles (nicknames) were not very encouraging and the headlines were even more discouraging, but whose words was I expecting to read?

I also visited this site’s affiliate sites specialized in alternative lifestyles, Asians, Russians, Literotica, and BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.) I was amazed – Egypt had a very strong presence. After a week, when the site realized that I was not going to pay yet I am attracting a lot of members, they gave me access to all profiles, and I was able to contact whoever I fancied. I tried to be as selective as possible without limiting my options. I sent emails left and right driven by curiosity and my own emotional issues.

The messages I received from men were - at best - revolting. I nearly cried when I read the first email. The female in me felt assaulted by a few words describing her privates and what this complete stranger wants to do to her. I toughened up by time and I learned how to just ignore such emails. I also learned to keep my lower jaw in place when I was sent phone numbers, nude pictures, or more intimate pictures. EgyptHorse, Confidant, Rambo, FireBird, MaadiMan, SexyMan, and Funny_Pilot are examples of men looking for women for various purposes – be it one-on-one sex, group sex, erotic chats, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or swapping and swinging

Feline Wolf is a Lebanese man living in Kuwait who comes to Cairo regularly on business; he was looking for “an escort”. Sinner is an Egyptian looking for a “no strings attached” relationship because he does not want to go through a third divorce. 54 year old Akhnatun is interested in erotic chats and sharing pictures. While Domination Nature is a man who finds pleasure in using whips, needles, and candle wax, Undisciplined Boy needs a firm mistress. Married men had various reasons; Firestarter feels that he cannot share his fantasies with his wife because “she made fun of him”. Hawk feels the he has stamina for more than one woman as “this is how God created men”. Gringo does not feel appreciated by his wife who “never initiated sex”. Nile King is not interested in marriage; he can get all the sex he wants without the responsibilities of marriage, and Sex king is a businessman who throws regular group sex parties “for business and pleasure”.

The male version of me was much luckier; most of the emails were of a gentler nature. Moonlight is looking for women in Cairo for “warm passionate sex” and Female_Touches is inviting women and couples (2 females only) to check out the “things in (her) for a female’s touch”. Many of these girls were looking for a relationship not a one night stand. There were girls who were impoverished enough to ask for money or food in return of their services! A girl advised me to put on a veil for more discretion. “This is how I ensure that the guys I got intimate with did not recognize me outside the bedroom” she explained. Wanna_FuninBed, Sex_Teen_Secrets, Sexy_Lady, AreULovePussy, Nana, Nouny, Maya, Dala3ny, and Salwa seemed so real yet so desperate. Their invitations ranged from a simple “I love sex”, to more particular requests, attention to certain body parts, and less conventional forms of sex … got it?

Candle Light is a virgin who thinks that it is ok, religiously and socially speaking, to have sex with a girl. Hot2handle is a lesbian who has had it with men; “I have been hurt so many times. I can’t take it anymore. I will never understand men”. Mooneye is a married woman who feels neglected and totally unsatisfied; “I feel invisible and it hurts.” Ranrona is bisexual and wants to have sex with anyone who promises to keep her virginity. Romance Chance is engaged and cannot let her fiancé kiss her but she has no problem sleeping around; “I already have a hymen restoration procedure in plan”. Hermoso is a divorced woman who does not want to get married again. Narnar is a man who pretends to be a woman to hunt easier. My masculine picture also attracted a few homosexuals who shared the memories of their first time, their expectations, and their fears. AlwaysBottom, Beast, Frankie, Migos are males seeking other males. Egy-Sub is a young boy of 24 who needs to be dominated by men and Femboy is a cross dresser who has a list of “cross dresser parties in Cairo”.

The homosexual or bisexual girls who contacted me were mostly men in disguise. Some of them were girls who were sent on a hunting mission by the men in their lives – a threesome was their demand. Out of boredom, dissatisfaction, and experimentation, couples were willing to host me at their homes; women wanted to share their men and men wanted to share their women. Bi4Bi is a couple who needs a female companion. CoupleforLove are two girls who want to play with another couple. Egycouple are a couple looking for a man to please the woman in the presence of her husband.

I will neither get on the pulpit to preach the morality or the immorality of adult dating sites, nor will I point fingers at the people who, at one point of time, were my friends and support group. I just want to share and document my personal experience in a world that changed my life forever. My fake foreign identity made it easier for both genders to open up to me. They easily talked about their expectations, needs, and fantasies and I had a microscopic view of the rotten corrupt cells that are eating up the roots of our once intact society. I have always known that we were plagued with frustration but I never realized how deep or how far. I was confronted with the ugliest faces of double standards and hypocrisy.

I have mixed feelings about my adventure; shock, awe, curiosity, shame, disdain, fear, and other reactions towards the sites, the people on the sites, their activities, and my involvement. Instead of facing our problems and ailments, we escape to a fantasy land of our own creation. These people are neither fiction nor the inhabitants of a faraway land; they are Egyptians living with us and among us. Some of them are well established members of the society and carry the burden of family names that open closed doors. Others are soliciting prostitution in their own ingenious way. They are our neighbors, colleagues, friends, and role models; souls trapped in bodies that they hate and in lives that they resent; hidden personalities that lead secret lives – we escaped to the forbidden underworld – to the world beyond firewalls.

Egypt: The People vs The Country

Do people make the country? Or, does the country make the people?
I - a very proud Egyptian - have seen a lot of the country and enough of the people and here are my thoughts:

• If the people do not have manners; the country is rude.
• If the people spit in the street; the country is disgusting.
• If the people do not shower; the country stinks.
• If the people touch their privates in the street; the country is perverted.
• If the people throw garbage in the street; the country is dirty.
• If the people do not brush their teeth; the country is full of yellow/brown smiles.
• If the people have a loud pitch; the country sounds like a hen den.
• If the people are frustrated; the country is reputed for harassment.
• If the people do not stop at red lights; the country is always congested.
• If the people do not drive safely; the country has a high accident rate.
• If the people do not fix their cars; the country is hazed out with pollution.
• If the people do not put road-signs; the country is a maze.
• If the people do not know how to drive; the country has the worst roads.
• If the people abhor rules; the country is in chaos.
• If the people do not respect schooling; the country is illiterate.
• If the people do not like to read; the country is ignorant.
• If the people insist on talking bad English; the country stutters.
• If the people do not keep their promise; the country is never taken seriously.
• If the people lie; the country is known for liars.
• If the people cheat; the country is known for fraud.
• If the people are dishonest; the country has no answers.
• If the people are not tolerant; the country is intolerable.
• If the people do not practice what they preach; the country is double-faced.
• If the people envy one another; the country is sick with jaundice.
• If the people step on one another’s toes; the country is full of swollen toes.
• If the people stab each other in the back; the country is sore with deadly wounds.
• If the people are lazy; the country is stagnant.
• If the people are artificial; the country is a disgrace.
• If the people are stoned; the country is numb.
• If the people are confused; the country loses direction.
• If the people do not know the truth; the country is misled.
• If the people are poor; the country is naked.
• If the people have no dreams; the country is dead.
• If the people do not have a present; the country will not have a future.
• If the people do not think of the future; the country will live in the past.
• If the people do not change themselves; the country will not change them.
• If I could get rid of such people; I might save the country.
• I just hate the people; but I am in love with the country.

Hail thee Ostrich Land!

I had a horrible nightmare! No! I live in a horrible nightmare! I want to wake up but it is the reality that I am living.

Today, I am not a writer; I am just a girl who is seeing red with anger and I need to vent - again.

My mom is not talking to me! Why? Because I said in my relationships segment on OTV that I "interviewed some young folks that I met when I was smoking a shisha." - Yes, that's all I said.

You might think that she did not know that I smoked shisha until I shamelessly announced it on air. Wrong! She knows and she sat with me a few times as I hubbled and bubbled.

You might think that no one else knows about my disgraceful pass-temps. No! I smoke with my brother, my male cousins, my female cousins, my colleagues, my friends, and my students - I have a shisha at home that she has seen a million times!

What is her point then? It is the same lame sentence that I have been hearing all my life: "What will people say?"

This is the same logic that is used to build the fake social facades that I abhor so much.

I am quite limited when it comes to understanding such statements. Those "people", along with ghosts, demons, and spirits, are in the same category in my head - they are there but we have our separate lives and our paths don't cross. I don't fetch them and they don't come after me - end of story.

Before my mom hung up, I promised her to announce on the coming episode, that her shame of a girl moved out a few years ago because she dared grow up!

This society is made up of male and female ostriches and I will make a fortune selling their meat - for some reason that sounds familiar in a deja vu sense.

I am not defending shisha smokers ... it is a ridiculous habit; but - excuse my metaphor - I am marking my territory from people who, undeservedly, happen to have a say in my life by peeing all over them every chance I get.

Until Death do us Part

Until Death Do Us Part

(Shuffle)

Another Stupid Adult

“I love you; I know how to make you happy; I am so strong; I will make you faint on our wedding night!” He said with pride to his future bride – yours truly – 12 years ago. I cannot deny that there are times when I wonder how my life would have differed had I not called off my wedding. If I woke up on the right side of the bed, my thoughts took me to a cozy house with a loving husband and lovely kids; but if it was one of my countless bad hair days, I envisioned a miserable wife in a boring marriage with teary-eyed kids, and suffering sleepless nights contemplating a flawless murder. I am certain that had I married the guy who used to exercise his “stick”, or the guy who wanted to deliver his own babies, or the alcoholic, or the neurotic, or the psychotic, or the caveman, or any other guy, I would have been divorced. I do not think I would have made it past the first month, let alone the first year. I was miraculously saved but not everyone was as lucky; some were even as unlucky as ending their marriage months after it started.

What fed their dreams to the shredder? What turned their vows into curses? To love but not to hold? For the better but not for the worst? For the richer because no one wants the poorer? In health but never in sickness? What would make a young bride runaway from the love nest? What would make prince charming flee on his not-so-white horse? Was it a bad choice? Was it that marriage put an end to the dating farce? Is it the lies? Is it the false pretences? Could it be expectations? Could their premature divorce be the only natural outcome of the marriage of a couple who were incubated in a schizophrenic society? Am I being too pessimistic? Am I being too realistic? To get my answers I had to ask the men and women in question. I wanted neither the staged sugar-coated replies nor the decent socially smart conclusions; I wanted the ugly shocking truth – the kind of truth that neither feared exposure nor knew any inhibitions. I created a male account on an adult site to lure the girls and a female account to entrap the guys. I searched for divorced men and women between the age of 21 and 30. I got my answers … and more.

Sara is 25, she got married when she was 21 to the man she loved since she was 16. She is on that site looking for a man who could love her and give her the warmth that her marriage was deprived of. She cannot take off her veil because of her family; she cannot get a divorce because she does not want to move in again with her parents. But deep down, she feels divorced and acts accordingly. Mohamed (28), her husband, is addicted to adult dating sites, and he is on that same site chasing women and doting on them, while she is withering at home alone - or in the arms of someone else. She has been demoted from wife to roommate, and he does not want to have kids. Mohamed’s pictures with his “girlfriends”, his chats, and his mementos are right under her nose – he does not care enough to wipe his traces. “Sara owes me”, he revealed to my male alias; he married her knowing that she was not a virgin. He believes that his actions are righteous and justified, and that she should be grateful that he saved her, and her family, from shame. “I will get a divorce eventually … I am so unhappy” said Sara and Mohamed not knowing that I was talking to both of them.

Mostafa (29) is another story; he fell in love with Menna (24) and after a dating period of one year, they got married with the blessings of both families. The marriage lasted for one problem-filled year, and finally they got a divorce. Mostafa is looking for sex. He wants to prove that the divorce was not his fault; he keeps saying that he is good in bed and is very desirable but his wife was distant and frigid. He wrote countless lines describing how passionate he is and how he knows and understands exactly what women need. Mostafa has watched plenty of xx rated movies and he wanted to re-enact each and every scene with his wife only to be faced with her shocked eyes and expressionless face. When he noticed that I was reserved, he snapped at me saying “I do not need another inexpressive b****.” Zeina (23) enjoyed talking to my female alias; she was the one doing the hunting. Her marriage lasted for three months. One night, she got a call from a hospital telling her that her husband has been in an accident. Being the dutiful wife she was, she hurried to the hospital only to be told that her husband was involved in a homosexual “gathering” that obviously went sour – they beat him up, raped him, and threw him in the street. Zeina does not want to get married again.

Khaled (30) and Mona (25) had an arranged marriage. Khaled had drinking problems and a very unstable career. He had tantrums and Magda’s face and body paid for his insecurity. He used to cry and she used to forgive him. The frequency of the frenzies increased and she could not take it anymore; hence, the divorce. Magda does not want to meet anyone; she is just looking for venting space. Karim (23) is living in a dreamy bubble of his own. He got married right after he graduated to his college sweetheart. He wanted to love her forever. He loved her hair, her sweet voice, her shy gaze, and how she understood him well. After their marriage one shock followed the other; her body hair, her morning breath, her horrible cooking, her hair in the bathtub, her monthly pads in the waste bin, her watching TV all night, and many other little things that he never imagined in his sugar babe. Karim used to believe in love, now he believes in co-habilitation before marriage – even if it was just short trips.

Mira (25) has a two-year old girl from a horrible marriage. He was 20 years older and was extremely jealous; his fits erupted whenever he caught a man looking at her. Mira told me that she had to quit work. She avoided unmarried female friends and all male friends. She was afraid to greet a relative she ran into in the street and, by time, everyone avoided her too. On the other hand, Salem had plenty of affairs and he used to brag about them all the time and Mira had to either pretend that she was deaf or that she knew he was joking. “My daughter is a blessing but Salem threatened to take her if I got married … I need a man and if I cannot get a husband then so be it.” Jina (26) got divorced two years after her marriage because of her mother in law; “the woman had no clue what privacy meant. She had a key to our house and used it at anytime. She asked about what we ate, where we went, and how many times we did it. My ex was not man enough to protect our marriage from such an invasion. I have no regrets other than marrying him in the first place.”

Sally (22) was the victim of a sadist; “he used to whip me when I was late, burn me when I asked questions, sodomize me in return for money, and stick a needle in sensitive parts of my body for every mistake he said I made. He told me that this was because he loved me and he wanted me to be a better person. I used to cry a lot and I was so embarrassed; I could not tell anyone what was happening behind our closed doors.” Sally submitted to his sick needs and desires for six months until, one day she fainted in the street and the passer-bys took her to the hospital. There the doctors were horrified and they called her husband and her family. She got her divorce on that same day. Sally told me that she never knew the man she got married to and that she found herself in a house with a total stranger who used her and abused her in the name of love. Her mother told her on her wedding night that a respectful wife obeyed her husband and kept him satisfied – otherwise he would leave her. Sally blamed her family for her disaster of a marriage; “they over-sheltered me to protect me but it was their ways that made me an appealing prey for such a sick man. I learned the hard way and I am now gaining my own experiences. I am not thinking of marriage; I just want to explore the world.”

The men and women who shared with me their sob stories are victims of our society. The double standards that they are brought up to adopt create what we call in business, an execution gap. There is a big void between where we really are and where we want to be; what we want and what we have; how we feel and how we act. We drown in an abyss of deluding illusions, unrealistic expectations, fake emotions, consuming demands, and the inevitable frustration. We get married for the wrong reasons; we mistake lust for love and confuse stability with stagnation. Mothers are over protective as though they want to suck us back into their wombs. Fathers discriminate between their sons and daughters. Women do not practice what they preach; they sing to the deaf ears of their male counterparts. Men do not meet the promises they make; they play to the sensitive tunes of the female vulnerability. Traditions, manners, taboos, and religion mix in one melting pot that defines stereotyped outlines for our ideal character and our perfect mate. We are dictated the answers to all the quizzes but we are left to face the final tests alone – we fail with flying colors.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Marketing Analogy

Your vision:
To be perceived as a good girl at all times.

Your mission:
To bend over backwards to please others.

Your positioning statement:
The Ultimate Denying Experience (apologies to BMW)

Your target audience:
Vain ladies and gentlemen.

Your objectives:
Trial and, hopefully, purchase.

Your Marketing Mix:
Product: You
Price: Your Life
Place: "Good girl" outlets though "good girl" distribution channels
Promotion:
1) Advertising - Personal ads & word of mouth
2) Public Relations - Favorable speeches & crisis management strategies
3) Sales Promotion - Limited edition (until putting on a ring on the naked left finger)
4) Direct Marketing - Cute emails & regular SMSes to all eligible bachelors and mothers of potential bachelors
5) Personal Selling - Promote your cooking, sewing, budgeting, and loving competive advantages in all outings

Alf alf mabrouk (Congrats!)

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – The “good guy” you deserve

1) As long as he comes home in the end, he can do as he pleases.
2) As long as he feeds you, keep your mouth shut.
3) He can force you to stay home – you never had a career anyway.
4) He can boss you around – you never had an opinion, so why complain now?
5) He can be as disrespectful as he wants, and you can cry as much as you want.
6) He can beat you up for every white lie he discovered.
7) He is fully entitled to isolate you from the female friends you never had.
8) A “good guy” is jealous; you will never get to wear your stashed wardrobe.
9) He will never tarnish your innocence and take you dancing; he will have a girlfriend to escort him.
10) If you give birth to a baby girl, he will make sure she is brought up as a “good girl”!

Conclusion:

I proudly announce that, over the past 10 years, I have managed to convert from being a “good girl” to a “bad girl”.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Absolute NOs

1) Drinking is totally unacceptable – it is always your first sip.
2) Girls with a tattoo are bad – have yours in a hidden place.
3) Girls with a belly piercing are loose – hide yours but talk about it.
4) You always have a curfew – it is always the first time you’ve missed it.
5) Dancing is for “bad girls”, “good girls” stare and curl their lips.
6) “Good girls” never go to bars or pubs – it is always your first time.
7) Love? Every man you meet is your first, and last, love!
8) Sex? What sex?
9) Internet dating; a “good girl” always rises above such obscenities.
10) Strength, brains, independence, career, and a life are male-repellents.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Your weapons

1) Tears will get you out of absolutely anything.
2) Apologies will erase any opinion you might have accidentally voiced.
3) Blindfolds; put them on and rest in peace.
4) Mouth gags are a great tool to keep your mouth shut when hurt and if insulted.
5) Your back; turn it to anyone who needs help and you will never get in trouble.
6) Put on a sad face and you will always be the adorable center of attention.
7) Put on the lost princess look and a savior is bound to show up.
8) White lies were created to make you prettier.
9) Black lies were created to make your man happier.
10) A veil will give you immunity – put it on and do as you please.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – Your career

1) The sole purpose of working is to meet Mr. Right.
2) Avoid careers; “good guys” do not appreciate them.
3) Get a job that gives you minimum exposure and zero fulfillment.
4) A promotion is not an achievement; finding a man is.
5) A trip abroad is never good news.
6) Be a friend to all.
7) “Good girls” do not talk to their male colleagues.
8) If you have to talk to them, make it strictly professional.
9) Your male boss and colleagues are werewolves in disguise.
10) Your female boss and colleagues are always jealous – poor you!

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – Your character

1) Have no character; be as colorless as possible.
2) “Good girls” are modest; stifle your self-esteem.
3) Be soft and mild to attract a “good guy”
4) You are obedient to the bone.
5) Have no aspirations; you were born to be a mother and a wife.
6) If you have aspirations; they are family obligations not your choice.
7) Public displays and private affairs should be kept miles apart.
8) You have a selective version of Alzheimer’s – use it when cornered.
9) Being illusive will make you more desirable.
10) Being a double-faced hypocrite will make you more mysterious.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Your opinions

1) Have no opinions what so ever.
2) If you have an opinion, keep it to yourself.
3) If you happen to have brains, hide them – brains scare “good guys”.
4) Go with the flow; if they hate miniskirts, then you’ve never seen one.
5) Thinking is bad for your health.
6) If you really surly truly have to disagree, agree first.
7) No matter what, avoid having any opinions on sex, religion, politics, independence, women, men, life, and death.
8) “I aim to please” – repeat it and act upon it.
9) You’ve always wanted to get married to a guy like your dad.
10) You’ve always wanted to be like your mother when you grew up.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The sisters

1) Always be seen in the company of other “good girls”.
2) Never tell a “good girl” a secret; she will blackmail you.
3) Never introduce a “good girl” to a potential guy; she will innocently hit on him.
4) Never cry in front of a “good girl”; she will bring it up again to hurt you.
5) Never talk to a “good girl” who is turning into a “bad girl”.
6) Be a diplomat; anything you say will be used against you.
7) Be a nun; forgive, forget, and never tell.
8) Be an idiot; nerds never threatened anyone.
9) If you have an urge to talk about sex, it is never you; it is always about “one of those girls”.
10) Never call another “good girl” a bad name in her face – you can say anything you want behind her back.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – the epitome of innocence

1) Avoid talking to guys – if possible.
2) Talk to them while standing up – to give the impression that it is a casual chat.
3) Sit with a guy in groups only – you are a “good girl”, remember that.
4) Never get involved with a guy.
5) Hide it if you do.
6) Lie about it if you are asked.
7) Deny it forever when it is over.
8) Never hold hands in public.
9) Do anything you want in private.
10) No matter what, you are always a virgin and you do not know how babies are made.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Watch your manners

1) Speak in a low decent tone regardless of how low and indecent your words are.
2) Laughing out loud in public is not becoming of a “good girl”.
3) Keep your legs closed and close to one another in public.
4) If you do otherwise, with your legs, in private, always say it is the first time.
5) Smile at all times – it makes you look authentic.
6) Avoiding eye-contact does not make you a liar, it just makes you shy.
7) Learn from Halle Berry; the look but don’t touch attitude flies well.
8) A “good girl” never ever smokes – in the bathroom is fine.
9) Shishas & lollipops are out of the question – “good guys” are quite imaginative.
10) Table manners dictate that you should eat in silence and smile when necessary.

100 “GOOD GIRL” TIPS

Introduction:

Being a “good girl” in our society is not exactly rocket science. If you are over 18, use these tips to strengthen your social positioning and to polish your image, if and whenever needed.

Chapter 1 – The dull doll look

1) Have a wardrobe of cute girly, or tom-boyish, outfits for family visits – they will never notice you growing up.
2) Have a stash of sexy tops to go with your hidden ultra low rise jeans for hanging out purposes – great disguise.
3) Curly hair is a sign of wildness; straighten it to give you an innocent look or cover it for the ultimate trustworthy look.
4) If you add a few blond streaks, always make it sound like the stupid hairdresser’s mistake.
5) Use lip gloss and pout.
6) Use volumizing mascara and flutter your lashes.
7) Try natural color blush to give you the needed flush.
8) Invest in a great concealer to hide your pores, your age, and your imperfections.
9) Gaze into an imaginary line behind whoever you are talking to for a super dull look.
10) If you are tempted to straighten your back and show off you femininity, remember that you are a heap of bones wrapped up in fat and covered with flawed skin.

Tic Toc … It’s the Biological Clock! - Conclusion

Audrey Hepburn shared with women her age-defying beauty tips saying “For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.” Having spoken my mind, the single girls were silent and pensive, and the single guys were silent and attentive – I rested my case and my soup was cold.

Tic Toc … It’s the Biological Clock! - PART 5

The single 33, 34, 36, and 40 year old girls began telling their tales of rejection that basically rotated on the fact that he, or his mother, thought they were too old to have kids. They talked about the inquisitive eyes, questioning looks, the muttering, the murmuring, the whispering, and the curled lips that stalk them in weddings, parties, gatherings, and outings. Society and family deny them the right to choose and to refuse because they are “too old”. They struggle with their self-esteem and self-fulfillment, and are torn apart between their hormones, nesting phases, and settling down urges - we ladies suffer! I barged in again lending my fellow single females a supporting hand. I played my favorite Libra game; single and happy or married and miserable? Single gal or single mom? No man or wrong man? No kids or wrong kids? I hit a bull’s eye when I mentioned the possibility of adoption; if your maternal instinct is nagging non stop and Mr. Right took a wrong turn on his way to you, nonetheless, you can still be a mother. Options start from nephews and nieces, cats and dogs, to sponsored orphans and live in orphans. Motherhood is not about getting pregnant and giving birth; motherhood is all about nurturing and caring – be it a warm hug, a sound advice, a shoulder to cry on, or a comforting smile.

Tic Toc … It’s the Biological Clock! - PART 4

The first dart hit the guy who was bragging about his ability to have kids at any age as I faced him with the sad truth; yes, he could have a kid at the age of 45 but he will never give him the fun that a 25 year old young dad can give him. He will feel old, look old, act old, and be old. The second dart targeted married men; I asked each of the wives to make a wish – 5 traits that they would like to be passed on from their husband to their son or daughter. After the initial humming, came a silence, some gap fillers, and then a few incoherent words that just reflected how these women are not convinced of the men they chose. The men looked offended but that was no excuse for me to spare them; it was their turn to tell me the 5 qualities that they wished the wives had said. Their masculine faces looked dignified and proud as they waved the flags of responsibility, generosity, sensibility, and the like. I watched as the male and female eyes met; the men threatened and the women recoiled - The men looked victorious, the women looked revolted, and I could not touch my soup.

Tic Toc … It’s the Biological Clock! - PART 3

The other day I joined a group of friends, and their friends for lunch in a nice warm Italian restaurant. My best friend literally begged me to keep my views to myself and asked me not to turn the outing into a futile debate. I was a bit insulted but I gave her my promise. Finding my cute resemblance in my squeaky wooden chair, I sat, smiled, nodded, and managed a giggle when needed. I was about to dive into my bowl of soup, when one of the single guys on the table proudly stated that men were privileged with their ability to “impregnate” a woman regardless of their age. Thinking of my friend, instead of jumping at his throat, I decided to see what the other guys and girls on the table had to say. The married women used the word “compromise” many times – especially when looking towards their husbands. The married men used the word “favor” at lot - especially when looking towards their wives. The single girls were drowning in helplessness, the single guys were choking on their private jokes, and my friend was pressing my hand when she should have gagged mouth.

Tic Toc … It’s the Biological Clock! - PART 2

The world seemed to conspire against me when I got a call from my mom a few minutes later. After the usual hellos, in her adorable enthusiastic tone, my mom shared with me a brilliant idea; I am to find a man with good genes, get married, get pregnant, and get divorced right away. I laughed my heart out. I wished I could hug her. She thought I was mocking her with my laughter and she was ever so intent on making her point. She flashed the biological clock pepper spray in my face as she quoted a doctor on TV: “As women age, the quality and quantity of their eggs declines; thus, affecting fertilization success, embryo quality, and pregnancy rate. The rate of decline varies from one woman the other, but overall, fertility begins to decline slowly in a woman's 30s, with the greatest decline happening after the age of 35.” I was no longer laughing as I felt trapped between a huge rugged rock and a very hard place; part of me acknowledged what my mom said yet another part insisted on doing it the right way. I want a child with the right man; I never wanted any of the men who came my way to be the father of any baby I gave birth to.