مونتيسوري مصر

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Friday, March 6, 2009


He told me that I needed to meditate and that if I looked inside me I would find all the answers, the cure, and the strength that I needed. I was curled at the far end of the sofa at the far end of the room at the far end away from the light. He told me that I looked old and defeated when only a few days ago I was glowing. I wanted to tell him what happened. I needed to open up. He told me that I was my own healer and left me to face my demons. I have never meditated before but I took endless trips down the abyss of my darkness and back. I have friends and they would be more than happy to listen but what good would it do when I knew that he was right – I am my own healer. No one could help me .... ever!

I switched off all the lights. Everything was on mute. I stretched on the sofa, and as I looked at the ceiling my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I could see my hand reaching out to me in the black bubble. I took a deep breath and dove into the darkness within me. Waves of anger and sorrow took turns tossing and turning me. I fell off the sofa. I was stuck between the sofa and the wooden table in the center of my living room. My back was to the sofa. My feet were on the carpet. My knees were against the wooden table. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

I am a toilet.

The ocean scent of the freshener, the little bubbles of blue water, the spotless clean porcelain, and luminous reflections on the oval seat – I am a beige toilet. A dark shadow hung over me like a ghost from the past. It came closer until I could no longer see the light. An Ass. Shit. More shit. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. No! No! Don’t throw toilet paper! No! No! Don’t clog me! Oh No! Please don’t throw the cigarette. What now?! A fountain of pee … he peed all over me. I was crying lest my tears flush away the stains. I reached out for the flush. I flushed. It’s still there. I was sobbing as I flushed again. The cigarette butt was turning into some spongy material ... then I flushed ... The toilet paper softened until it melted in my gutters … and I flushed … In the abyss of my darkness I flushed loads of shit, pee, paper, and cigarette butts. Fresh water ... new bubbles ... the pee was gone.

I opened my eyes. My legs hurt and I needed to stretch out of the toilet. I felt a bit better but I knew that my trip was not over. I lay on the carpet looking at the ceiling in the darkness. I closed my eyes and began feeling the velvet plush of its surface when my fingers suddenly felt a cold sticky pile move underneath my hand. Worms. I could see them; fat black sickle-shaped disgusting creatures crawling all over me. I tried to move but I was paralyzed. I wanted to scream but my lips were glued to one another. I wanted to push them away but my hands were stitched to the carpet. I was crucified. I could not even cry. I took little breaths for fear of sucking the worms into my system. I was gasping for air. I could have snapped out of it but I was intent on continuing the trip. I wanted to hit rock bottom. I wanted the anger to go away.

Light. A little light coming from the doorway. Here I am looking so wise and so content and there I was on the carpet buried in worms and decay. I watched myself walk past my corpse towards the terrace; I pulled the curtains to the side, opened the window, and let the sunlight fill the room. I know those rainbow drops. I have seen them before. The sun blew me a kiss. I kneeled over myself and my light embraced my darkness. The worms vanished. The pain vanished. The anger vanished. I hugged the inside of me. I am healed.

Flush …. One more time …. Flush … get out of my system … flush … I looked at the sky and welcomed a new beginning. On the floor I rested my exhausted body as I watched leaves grow on my barren trees outside. Colorful flowers blossomed where winter left its cruel print. I wore a necklace of beaded Jasmine and let its scent fill my lungs … I miss my grandfather. I turned to the side and opened my eyes. My trip came to an end. Two wide green eyes and a furry face were staring back at me. I could swear I saw him smile. I smiled back and hugged his warm unconditional love.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

مقالات مروة رخا لمجلة احنا و أخبار أخرى

Hi again:)

Latest News:

  • I now write the relationships page for Al Balagh newspaper (صفحة مع مروة رخا بجريدة البلاغ)
  • Click here to watch the pilot episode of my new program Tadweena تدوينة

Interesting Links:
The Interviews section on marwarakha.com is working .. have a look
My book The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt is now on Amazon .... spread the word:)
Buy The Poison Tree on Amazon.com
Click here: I uploaded my interview on Nile Life برنامج كل ليلة
Click here: I uploaded my interview on Dream TV برنامج شبابيك

Click here: my posts for Global Voices

    Mark your calendars

    Every Monday ... I am on After Dark with Erin on Nile FM 104.2 from 10pm to 12midnight (Email me your problems or suggestions). Show is in English and you can listen to us live on http://www.nilefmonline.com/

    Every Sunday & Wednesday ... I am on Radio Horytna with Yassmin Yassin from 6pm to 7pm (Email me your problems or suggestions). Show is in Arabic and you can listen to us live on http://www.horytna.net/

    I wrote some controversial articles for Campus:

    A Hell of a Marriage
    Is Pre-marital Sex for you?
    Rebound Relationships: Are you on the rebound? Or are you a Rebound?
    What if the SEX is not Good?
    I am not a Virgin
    The Call
    Hey you … yes you!
    How Secure is Secure

    مقالاتى لمجلة احنا
    أنا ولد و باتكسف من خيالى
    أحمد زى الحاج أحمد
    انشفى يا ليلى
    عزيزى الرجل الشرقى ...أنا اُفضل أن أكون عشيقتك مش مراتك
    خبيرة العلاقات العاطفية تعلن إنها ملهاش فى العلاقات العاطفية
    جوزى بيقول عليكى ضد الشرع و الدين
    عيب والله العظيم عيب
    هاطلع من هدومى
    الغباء العاطفى و العياذ بالله
    و كأنى كنت حامل و سقطت
    نصائح لكل مواطن هـ "يشطـّب" شقته
    مش كل كلام الكبار صح و مش كل كلامهم غلط ... اهلى كانوا صح لما قالوا و كانوا غلط لما قالوا
    فوبيا الارتباط بامنا الغولة او بابو رجل مسلوخة
    أخى المواطن .... احترس من هذه المرأة
    ضل رجل ولا ضل حيطة
    مصر: الشعب ضد البلد

    On the pages of What Women Want, I sent a few letters to a few men ... feel free to copy:)

    Dear MAN - Where are you?
    Dear MAN - You are a clown
    Dear MAN - My name is Laila
    Dear MAN ... I want to hurt you
    Dear MAN ... I love you
    Dear MAN ... I left you
    Dear MAN ... I need my space
    Dear MAN ... I miss you

    I hope you enjoy my articles for Identity Magazine

    Ask Marwa: Was it love?
    Ask Marwa: My mom is prettier than I am
    Laugh and the whole world laughs with you ... weep and you weep alone
    Ask Marwa: My mom is driving me crazy
    My attempt at an Ethical Will
    Searching for Laila's Identity (Kolena Laila Initiative)
    Things Couples SHOULD NOT Take for Granted
    Say "NO" ... while you still can!

    I would also like to invite you to listen to my Arabic radio progam بحب فيك ايه

    What do I love about you? 29th Episode (Arabic Radio) التضحية
    What do I love about you? 28th Episode (Arabic Radio) الاعتذار
    What do I love about you? 27th Episode (Arabic Radio) كيمياء الحب
    What do I love about you? 26th Episode (Arabic Radio) عيد الحب
    What do I love about you? 25th Episode (Arabic Radio) الجنون
    What do I love about you? 24th Episode (Arabic Radio) مشاكل المستمعين
    What do I love about you? 23rd Episode (Arabic Radio) التفاهم و الفهم
    What do I love about you? 22nd Episode (Arabic Radio) الأحلام المشتركة
    What do I love about you? 21st Episode (Arabic Radio) الاحساس بالامان
    What do I love about you? 20thEpisode (Arabic Radio) الاعتناء بالنفس
    What do I love about you? 19th Episode (Arabic Radio) كوكتيل مشاكل
    What do I Love about you? 18th Episode (Arabic Radio) المشاركة
    What do I Love about you? 17th Episode (Arabic Radio) احلام السنة الجديدة
    What do I Love about you? 16th Episode (Arabic Radio) التسامح
    What do I Love about you? 15th Episode (Arabic Radio) الصبر
    What do I Love about you? 14th Episode (Arabic Radio) الكرم
    What do I Love about you? 13th Episode (Arabic Radio) الاهتمام
    What do I Love about you? 12th Episode (Arabic Radio) الصدق
    What do I Love about you? 11th Episode (Arabic Radio) الاخلاص
    What do I Love about you? 10th Episode (Arabic Radio) الرومانسية
    What do I Love about you? 9th Episode (Arabic Radio) Open-minded?
    What do I Love about you? 8th Episode (Arabic Radio) الانوثة و الرجولة
    What do I Love about you? 7th Episode (Arabic Radio) الاعتماد على شريك حياتك
    What do I Love about you? 6th Episode (Arabic Radio) الفخر بالحبيب
    What do I Love about you? 5th Episode (Arabic Radio) الاحتواء
    What do I Love about you? 4th Episode (Arabic Radio) الاحترام و التقدير
    What do I Love about you? 3rd Episode (Arabic Radio) الصراحة
    What do I Love about you? 2nd Episode (Arabic Radio) الثقة
    What do I Love about you? 1st Episode (Arabic Radio) فارس الاحلام و فتاة الاحلام
    Happy Relationships (Arabic Radio) السعادة
    I have no self confidence (Arabic Radio) مشاكل الثقة فى النفس
    I am not a Virgin (Arabic Radio) العذرية
    Dear Man: I refuse to be your wife; I would rather be your mistress (Arabic Radio) عزيزى الرجل الشرقى افضل ان اكون عشيقتك
    Stop Stalking the Guy (Arabic Radio) مطاردة الراجل
    I am single and over 30 in Egypt (Arabic Radio) عانس
    Jealousy, Doubt, and lack of Confidence (Arabic Radio) الشك و الغيرة
    Egyptian Women - Cheating (Arabic Radio) ليه الست بتخون
    Egyptian Men - Cheating (Arabic Radio) ليه الراجل بيخون
    Fake it until you Make it - being a Good Girl in Egypt (Arabic Radio) هاتى رجله
    Internet Dating and Online Friendships among Egyptians (Arabic Radio) علاقات النت
    How Egyptian Girls lose a Guy in 10 Days (Arabic Radio) ليه الراجل بيطفش
    My Heart is Aching and Breaking - on Breakups (Arabic Radio) بعد الفراق
    Egyptian Traditions and Taboos (Arabic Radio) اصول مش اصول

    Monday, March 2, 2009

    Full Pilot Episode تدوينة

    الحلقة الكاملة هنا
    Here are the blogs I mentioned:
    Sami Ben Gharbia
    Al KhogaEthar El Katatney
    Noha Atef
    Asser Yasser Mohamed Hamdy Eman Hashim
    Solana Larsonand an interview with Tarek Amr (Change the Channel)

    محتاجة رأى المدونين و المدونات بشدة

    ده بايلوت لبرنامجى الجديد عن المدونين و المدونات ... عايزة رأيكم يا جماعة و شاركوا اللينك مع باقى المدونين و قولوا لى ممكن يبقى أحسن ازاى

    This is the pilot episode of my new program تدوينة please have a look and let me know your feedback and suggestions ... share the link with Arabic speaking bloggers to get more feedback before I proceed