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Monday, February 16, 2009

A Hell of a Marriage

Back in March 2007, I wrote here – on that very same page – on the issue of early divorces:

The men and women who shared with me their sob stories are victims of our society. The double standards that they are brought up to adopt create what we call in business, an execution gap. There is a big void between where we really are and where we want to be; what we want and what we have; how we feel and how we act. We drown in an abyss of deluding illusions, unrealistic expectations, fake emotions, consuming demands, and the inevitable frustration. We get married for the wrong reasons; we mistake lust for love and confuse stability with stagnation. Mothers are over protective as though they want to suck us back into their wombs. Fathers discriminate between their sons and daughters. Women do not practice what they preach; they sing to the deaf ears of their male counterparts. Men do not meet the promises they make; they play to the sensitive tunes of the female vulnerability. Traditions, manners, taboos, and religion mix in one melting pot that defines stereotyped outlines for our ideal character and our perfect mate. We are dictated the answers to all the quizzes but we are left to face the final tests alone – we fail with flying colors.

Are there “wrong” reasons for marriage? No!

Read why and how

Ask Marwa: My mom is prettier than I am

Dear Marwa

I have a huge problem that is making me miserable. I wish I was never born. Would you believe me if I told you that my mom is the cause of my misery? I will tell you why; my mom is gorgeous. She is this beautiful tall model-looking blond whereas I look like my dad. I am not ugly but next to my mom I look like a dull ordinary girl. When my friends meet her, they do not believe that I am the daughter of this pretty woman. They ask me why I look nothing like her.

The guys at school, instead of showering me with compliments, the first thing they tell me is how wonderful my mom looks. I was performing in a play at school and she stole my light just by showing up. I am beginning to feel jealous of her and I asked her not to pick me up from school again. I do not want to go into details about what happens on the beach, at weddings, or even while walking with her on the street. I love her but her presence hurts me.

The ugly duckling

Read my reply

Ask Marwa: Was it love?

Hello Marwa,

I am a 24 year old female who works for a reputable company. Two years ago, I fell in love with a colleague. I was attracted to his wonderful character and religious sense in addition to his gentlemanliness. The problem is that during that period, he never stated directly and frankly to me that he loves me, but his eyes were saying it and the birthday party that he prepared for me said it too. Anyway, I waited and waited, but no step was taken from his side and I got engaged to someone I don't know through an arranged marriage.

My fiancée loved me a lot, but I could not love him at all. Actually, I hated everything about him; he was a smoker and I hate smokers and he watches pornography and whenever we were together in the club or in a cafe, he did not miss any chance to look at and comment on any female. After six months, my fiancée got a job abroad and I only saw him online. After another six months, I received an SMS from the colleague that I was in love with saying "I know it took me too long to say it but I love you so much."

In a minute, everything that I felt or though that I felt for my fiancée vanished. I could only think of my colleague and how long I waited for him to declare his love for me. I took the decision to leave my fiancée and break up the engagement one month before my wedding. My loving colleague was supposed to come back to Egypt at the end of the year in which all of these events happened (2007). We were talking on the phone everyday in a very respectable manner (nothing beyond I love you and I miss you was said and that is why I loved him so much.)

However, two weeks before his flight to Egypt, we stopped communicating, I don't know how it happened, but it happened. Then he called me to tell me that financially speaking we will not be able to be together in spite of the fact that I was ready to live in any level just to be with him and I offered to buy us an apartment here in Egypt. He sent me an SMS to wish me a better future and he left me. I heard nothing about him since then.I do not know if money was the real problem or there was something else. Was he getting back at me for getting engaged and leaving him? But I did not do so; he was the one who did not do anything or take any step.

My questions are: Was I mistaken to leave my fiancée? Did that colleague deserve that sacrifice (if you knew that my fiancée's financial conditions were great)? Was I really in love?

Badly Hurt

Read my reply

Dear MAN - Where are you?

Dear MAN
I have searched hundreds of faces looking for you.
I have been to too many places but where are you?
In my heart I have carried a love too strong;
for the one man in whose arms I belong.
I once gave up … forgive my despair;
Ups and downs … my heart I did impair.
My wounds have healed;
My heart is no longer sealed.
Come into my life for I am ready.
Don’t let go … trust me I am ready.
I will close my eyes and count to three;
I will open my heart and set you free.
If you are really mine you will come back to me;
or I will know that we were never meant to be.

Read the letter