لماذا يا أمى؟ (كلنا ليلى) م

اجلست ابنتى امامى و قلت لها

"بكرة هنروح للدكتور"

قالت و الخوف يملأ صوتها

"ليه يا ماما؟ أنا مش عيانة"

أمسكت يدها الصغيرة و قلت لها

"هى عملية صغيرة و مش هتحسى بحاجة"

ردت تترجانى

"ليه يا ماما؟ انا مش عيانة"

راقبت ابتسامتها تختفى خلف غيمة من دموع بريئة و وجد نفسى ابكى لى و لها و لكل امرأة ختنت ظلما و غدرا

و جدت نفسى اطرح نفس سؤالها
"لماذا يا أمى؟"

تذكرت عندما كنت فى نفس عمر ابنتى حينما اعتدلت امى فى جلستها. تذكرت نظراتها. تذكرت انقطاع حوارها الهامس مع خالاتى و جاراتنا عند دخولى. تذكرت نظراتهم لى – نظرات من يعرف لمن لا يعرف! لا أعرف أكانت نظرات شفقة أم شماتة كنظرة الام قبل ضرب ابنها. تلك النظرة التى تمتزج فيها القسوة بالحب. نظرة يعرفها كل من عوقب بلا ذنب اقترفه. لماذا يا أمى؟

تذكرت آلامى حينما افقت من البنج. تذكرت احساسى بالغدر. نعم يا أمى لقد غدرت بى. لقد بترتى طفولتى و اهدرتى انوثتى. لقد كذبتى على. لقد و عدتينى بالحب و الأمان. أنا ضائعة! إلتئم الجرح و لكنى انكسرت. ظهرى انحنى. نظرتى انطفئت. لقد اغتصبت! نعم يا أمى لقد اغتصبت حقى فى أن أكون امرأة. لقد عاقبتينى لأنى ولدت أنثى. أنا الأمانة بين يديك تتكلم. وضعنى ربى كائن ضعيف فى رعايتك. لماذا استغللت ضعفى؟ لماذا يا أمى؟

لماذا ينظر لى زوجى كأنى جماد؟ أنا جماد! لماذا لا ينظر لى زوجى كأمراة؟ أنا مشوة! أنا مسخ! لماذا لا يلمسنى يا أمى؟ لماذا اطفئ النور كلما اقترب منى؟ لماذا أبكى كلما عاشرنى؟ لماذا لا أشعر بحبه؟ لماذا توقفت عن حبه؟ لماذا تعودت الاستلقاء على ظهرى و النظر للسقف؟ أكنت تستلقى على ظهرك و تنتظرى انتهاء مهمته؟ أكنت تجرى إلى الحمام للاغتسال من دموع لوثها القهر؟ لماذا تحولت الى وعاء؟ لماذا تحولت إلى مرحاض؟ لماذا أكره انفاس الرجل الذى لم أتمنى غيره زوجا؟ لماذا أرى فى عينيه نفس النظرة التى طالما حيرتنى فى وجه أبى؟ نظرة رجل بلا إمرأة! آه يا أمى

لماذا تحولت من جسد إنسان إلى وسادة بالية؟ لماذا أكره النظر لنفسى فى المرآة؟ لماذا يا أمى اخترت لى طريق الدموع و الدماء؟ دموع طفلة تبكى دماء براءتها. دموع فتاة نزفت بكارتها. دموع امرأة فقدت آدميتها. لماذا حكمت على بالموت حيه؟ قتلتينى كالدبة التى قتلت صاحبها و هى تحاول أن تحميه. صاحب الدبة مات أما أنا فسجينة جسد لا ينطق و لا يشعر و لا ينتشى. لماذا حكمت على يا أمى أن أحيا حياة رجل عاجز جنسيا؟

"الختان مكرمة للبنت" - قالها الشيخ فتقلصت معدتى. مكرمة الذل و الهوان. مكرمة لا أراها فى عينى زوجى. مكرمة لا أشعر بها و أنا ملقاه كالجثة على فراش الزوجية. مكرمة أشعر بها كلما أحسست بزوجى يشتهى امرأة أخرى. مكرمة تتملكنى كلما أحسست بعجزى كامرأة و بضعفى كطفلة. لماذا يا أمى تطالبين بنفس المصير لابنتى؟ لماذا يا زوجى العزيز تريد لابنتك نفس معاناة زوجتك؟ لماذا يا أمى؟

تعالى يا ابنتى ... تعالى فى حضنى

"لا يا حبيبة قلبى و أجمل ما فى عمرى ... انت لست مريضة و بعد الشر عليكى من المرض. مافيش دكتور. مافيش عملية. أنت زى الفل يا بنت قلبى يا غالية!" سلام يا أمى
http://laila-eg.blogspot.com/

The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt

Now on Amazon.com

Check it out

The Poison Tree is not a traditional novel; it combines the techniques of blogging, journal-keeping, and formal writing while retaining one binding thought that keeps the story together; poison is the fertile ground that I, and many others, was born into; a poisoned culture nurtured my roots with suffocating traditions, taboos, and beliefs; poison runs through my stem.

I branched out and my branches carried me far away from the roots and the ground. I questioned the tutoring of my conservative society and green leaves covered my bare branches. My tree bore its fruits; poisoned fruits that were the poison of many who dropped dead next to the solid stubborn tree.

This is a book about love, marriage, divorce, sex, dating, virginity, adult dating, religion, shame, taboos, gender wars and fear that grew and blossomed on my poison tree.

Dedicated to every female trying to break free and to every male who is willing to give her a chance.

Barak Obama verus Mabrouk Obama

Why do Egyptians Get Divorced?

This question has been circulating a lot in many unrelated circles nowadays.

On Facebook, Alyaa Gad, an Egyptian physician living abroad, was shocked to know that:

the governmental Central Body for Mobilisation and Statistics (CBMS) found that 75,000 divorce cases have been ruled on by Egyptian courts in 2006-2007, the survey found that in 45,000 cases the reason behind the divorce was the Internet.”

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Young Egyptian Women Do Not Want to Work

While some women are still struggling to prove themselves in the workplace, the young generation of Egyptian men and women seems to be taking a different route.

Fantasia was watching an episode of El Beyoot Asrar (Homes have Secrets) where they were talking about women and whether they should work or not.

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Egypt: Another Doweika Tragedy Waiting to Happen!

Students at the faculty of Engineering in Alexandria University created a group on Facebook called “The Mokattam Catastrophe to be repeated in the faculty of Engineering.”

The student's cry follows a tragedy in Doweika, a Cairo slum, where rocks came tumbling on homes, killing and maiming scores of poor people.

In the description of the group the students wrote:

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Egypt: Who are those People … in the People's Assembly?

In the aftermath of the Egyptian Parliament going up in flames, people's reactions ranged from utter shock, sadness, to gloating. Blogger Wael Nawara conducted an independent poll asking bloggers, readers, and Egyptian internet users to answer the following question: Does the Egyptian Parliament truly represent the people?

The poll's results were announced today on his blog:

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Suez Canal donates 1,000,000 Egyptian Pounds to Doweika Victims

Like Asser Mattar, many Egyptians were happy to find out that Suez Canal canceled its annual celebration on September 14 to donate a total of one million Egyptian Pounds to support the victims of the Doweika tragedy. Scores of people were killed and injured when huge rocks fell on 35 homes in the slum in one of Cairo's poorest neighbourhoods.

In his Facebook note, Asser started by quoting Suez Canal revenues in August 2008:

One of the main headlines that I read on a monthly basis is that the revenues of
Suez Canal broke a new record. Yes, it happened on a monthly basis for at least
the whole past year. The revenues never decrease, and the Suez Canal tolls for
those of you who don't know are collected in US dollars, which is equal nowadays
to approximately 5.4 Egyptian pounds.

After the Doweika catastrophe,
where at least six hundred people were buried alive under the rubble of Moqattam
hill, Asser decided to calculate how much time does it take Suez Canal to earn
the one million pounds.

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Jihad Hackers

The Egyptian blogosphere has turned into the new jihad field for Muslim, Coptic, and secular fundamentalists.

Quranic Studies defines jihad as "Jihad is simply the process of "exerting the best efforts," involving some form of "struggle" and "resistance," to achieve a particular goal."

It is no big secret that the number of Egyptians who believe that Egypt should become a secular nation are increasing. Mainly, intellectual bilingual well-educated people have realized that inter-faith strives are holding the country back.

"This group is open to anyone that wants to make Egypt a better place to live in, and that believes in:

1. All Egyptians are born free and equal in dignity and rights
2. All Egyptians have the right of free thought and religion.
3. All Egyptians are equal before the law.
4. Any Egyptian is entitled to all rights and freedoms without distinction such as race, gender, religion or origin.
5. An Egyptian Secular (civil) state is the only way to achieve these objectives." Says the creator of Egypt, A Secular Nation group on facebook.

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The Egyptian Ministry of "Hisbah" - Fact or fiction?

This word "hisbah" has been popping up a lot in my face lately and it is usually associated with three things: 1) Saudi Arabia 2) The Muslim Brothers 3) An Egyptian intellectual, writer, artist, or thinker.

Islam Q&A defines hisbah and men of hisbah as people who are dedicated, voluntarily or paid, to refuting and denouncing apparent immorality. They continue what the vice police leave unfinished. Among the public immoralities that they fight comes a long list that starts from men and women dating, to non- Muslims openly manifesting their beliefs and religious symbols, promiscuous images, movies, and books, or promoting anything that leads to adultery, homosexuality, and gambling.

The most recent hisbah lawsuit in Egypt was against renowned best selling author and the editor in chief of Akhbar Al Adab newspaper Gamal El Ghitani whom he lost to Muslim fundamentalist cleric Sheikh Youssef Al Badry. - The novelist has to pay 20,000 Egyptian Pounds or the Sheikh will take over his newspaper.

This is not the first time Sheikh Al Badry succeeds in terrorizing Egyptian intellectuals:

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