Dear Marwa
I have a huge problem that is making me miserable. I wish I was never born. Would you believe me if I told you that my mom is the cause of my misery? I will tell you why; my mom is gorgeous. She is this beautiful tall model-looking blond whereas I look like my dad. I am not ugly but next to my mom I look like a dull ordinary girl. When my friends meet her, they do not believe that I am the daughter of this pretty woman. They ask me why I look nothing like her.
The guys at school, instead of showering me with compliments, the first thing they tell me is how wonderful my mom looks. I was performing in a play at school and she stole my light just by showing up. I am beginning to feel jealous of her and I asked her not to pick me up from school again. I do not want to go into details about what happens on the beach, at weddings, or even while walking with her on the street. I love her but her presence hurts me.
The ugly duckling
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Showing posts with label Ask Marwa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ask Marwa. Show all posts
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ask Marwa: Was it love?
Hello Marwa,
I am a 24 year old female who works for a reputable company. Two years ago, I fell in love with a colleague. I was attracted to his wonderful character and religious sense in addition to his gentlemanliness. The problem is that during that period, he never stated directly and frankly to me that he loves me, but his eyes were saying it and the birthday party that he prepared for me said it too. Anyway, I waited and waited, but no step was taken from his side and I got engaged to someone I don't know through an arranged marriage.
My fiancée loved me a lot, but I could not love him at all. Actually, I hated everything about him; he was a smoker and I hate smokers and he watches pornography and whenever we were together in the club or in a cafe, he did not miss any chance to look at and comment on any female. After six months, my fiancée got a job abroad and I only saw him online. After another six months, I received an SMS from the colleague that I was in love with saying "I know it took me too long to say it but I love you so much."
In a minute, everything that I felt or though that I felt for my fiancée vanished. I could only think of my colleague and how long I waited for him to declare his love for me. I took the decision to leave my fiancée and break up the engagement one month before my wedding. My loving colleague was supposed to come back to Egypt at the end of the year in which all of these events happened (2007). We were talking on the phone everyday in a very respectable manner (nothing beyond I love you and I miss you was said and that is why I loved him so much.)
However, two weeks before his flight to Egypt, we stopped communicating, I don't know how it happened, but it happened. Then he called me to tell me that financially speaking we will not be able to be together in spite of the fact that I was ready to live in any level just to be with him and I offered to buy us an apartment here in Egypt. He sent me an SMS to wish me a better future and he left me. I heard nothing about him since then.I do not know if money was the real problem or there was something else. Was he getting back at me for getting engaged and leaving him? But I did not do so; he was the one who did not do anything or take any step.
My questions are: Was I mistaken to leave my fiancée? Did that colleague deserve that sacrifice (if you knew that my fiancée's financial conditions were great)? Was I really in love?
Badly Hurt
Read my reply
I am a 24 year old female who works for a reputable company. Two years ago, I fell in love with a colleague. I was attracted to his wonderful character and religious sense in addition to his gentlemanliness. The problem is that during that period, he never stated directly and frankly to me that he loves me, but his eyes were saying it and the birthday party that he prepared for me said it too. Anyway, I waited and waited, but no step was taken from his side and I got engaged to someone I don't know through an arranged marriage.
My fiancée loved me a lot, but I could not love him at all. Actually, I hated everything about him; he was a smoker and I hate smokers and he watches pornography and whenever we were together in the club or in a cafe, he did not miss any chance to look at and comment on any female. After six months, my fiancée got a job abroad and I only saw him online. After another six months, I received an SMS from the colleague that I was in love with saying "I know it took me too long to say it but I love you so much."
In a minute, everything that I felt or though that I felt for my fiancée vanished. I could only think of my colleague and how long I waited for him to declare his love for me. I took the decision to leave my fiancée and break up the engagement one month before my wedding. My loving colleague was supposed to come back to Egypt at the end of the year in which all of these events happened (2007). We were talking on the phone everyday in a very respectable manner (nothing beyond I love you and I miss you was said and that is why I loved him so much.)
However, two weeks before his flight to Egypt, we stopped communicating, I don't know how it happened, but it happened. Then he called me to tell me that financially speaking we will not be able to be together in spite of the fact that I was ready to live in any level just to be with him and I offered to buy us an apartment here in Egypt. He sent me an SMS to wish me a better future and he left me. I heard nothing about him since then.I do not know if money was the real problem or there was something else. Was he getting back at me for getting engaged and leaving him? But I did not do so; he was the one who did not do anything or take any step.
My questions are: Was I mistaken to leave my fiancée? Did that colleague deserve that sacrifice (if you knew that my fiancée's financial conditions were great)? Was I really in love?
Badly Hurt
Read my reply
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Laugh and the world laughs with you .. weep and you weep alone
Countless articles highlighted the importance of laughter and humor; how it prolongs your life, why it is a natural anti-aging solution, when it is the ideal way out of an embarrassing situation, where it is cute and adorable, what makes it the best camouflage for wrinkles, and the fact that it just makes you more likable and more socially acceptable. In presentation skills and public speaking workshops we guide the attendees on how and when to use humor, in customer care sessions we never get tired of stressing how the customer could see your smile on the phone, in motivational courses we tell people to start their day with a smile and urge them to turn dreary situation into joke material. But were you ever tempted to tell someone that they were not funny or that their jokes were off or that you just could not stand their wit?
Read more on humor
Read more on humor
Dear Marwa
I am sending you this email because I want you to discuss the parent-child relationship. I am sure that I am not the only one who is suffering because of a parent-related problem. I have a chronic problem with my mother. She is too dominating. She wants her orders obeyed without any form of discussion. I am the youngest among my three brothers and I am thirty years old. That means that I am an adult and that I could be fully responsible for my life. If I were married I would have been in charge of a home and kids of my own. She has no faith in me. My mother does not believe that I could take care of the slightest things that relate to me. In her eyes we are kids and she has to take full care of us. She cannot see that we are grownups.
I will give you a few examples of the forms of torture that I have to live with: I cannot choose my own clothes for until today she dresses me up according to her own taste. She dictates when I am allowed to go out and when I am not. She chooses my friends for me and she monitors my phone calls. I would tell her that I am going out with a certain friend to a certain place and I cannot tell you how many times she had showed up unannounced just to make sure that I was where I said I would be. She blindly follows traditions even if it was at the risk of making us miserable. When we try to object we are accused of being ungrateful and non obedient, then she starts crying and wonders what she did wrong to deserve children like us. She tells us that we would go to hell and that we would never be successful because she is angry at us.
I am really confused. Do you think God will really punish me for not obeying her? Do you think I am wrong for how I feel about her? My brothers cannot get married because every time they get engaged the girl ends it because of my mother; she interferes in the girl's life the same way she interferes in mine. Now I have no vision, no standards, no principles, and no one to really guide me. I lie to her, I cheat, and I even smoke behind her back. I have a boyfriend and I cannot tell her. I am always sad and everything makes me feel guilty. I wish I could talk to her as a friend but I feel that I hate her most of the time. Will God punish me for that too?
Yours,
H
Read my advice
I am sending you this email because I want you to discuss the parent-child relationship. I am sure that I am not the only one who is suffering because of a parent-related problem. I have a chronic problem with my mother. She is too dominating. She wants her orders obeyed without any form of discussion. I am the youngest among my three brothers and I am thirty years old. That means that I am an adult and that I could be fully responsible for my life. If I were married I would have been in charge of a home and kids of my own. She has no faith in me. My mother does not believe that I could take care of the slightest things that relate to me. In her eyes we are kids and she has to take full care of us. She cannot see that we are grownups.
I will give you a few examples of the forms of torture that I have to live with: I cannot choose my own clothes for until today she dresses me up according to her own taste. She dictates when I am allowed to go out and when I am not. She chooses my friends for me and she monitors my phone calls. I would tell her that I am going out with a certain friend to a certain place and I cannot tell you how many times she had showed up unannounced just to make sure that I was where I said I would be. She blindly follows traditions even if it was at the risk of making us miserable. When we try to object we are accused of being ungrateful and non obedient, then she starts crying and wonders what she did wrong to deserve children like us. She tells us that we would go to hell and that we would never be successful because she is angry at us.
I am really confused. Do you think God will really punish me for not obeying her? Do you think I am wrong for how I feel about her? My brothers cannot get married because every time they get engaged the girl ends it because of my mother; she interferes in the girl's life the same way she interferes in mine. Now I have no vision, no standards, no principles, and no one to really guide me. I lie to her, I cheat, and I even smoke behind her back. I have a boyfriend and I cannot tell her. I am always sad and everything makes me feel guilty. I wish I could talk to her as a friend but I feel that I hate her most of the time. Will God punish me for that too?
Yours,
H
Read my advice
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