Thoughts on: Change & New Beginnings

* New beginnings are always loaded with many contradictory feelings; hope, fear, optimism, doubt, resolution, skepticism, comfort, hesitation, and determination.

* The skeletons in the closet and collective experiences are a threat to new beginnings.

* We remember when we were last burnt or when we were last hurt, and we subconsciously look at our scars and resist the change.

* Memories of how deep and how painful the scars were rush back to our heads and, with an involuntary movement, we clench our fists as though we are holding on to the past - Something inside of us refuses to let go.

* At home we were directed to focus on our downsides, at school we had to improve our bad grades, and in the workplace we are asked to “develop” our weaknesses. Those who moved on did the exact opposite.

* It is amazing how much power we have yet we are so oblivious to its existence. Invest in what makes you feel strong instead of wasting time on things that only make you feel weak and bad about yourself.

* We do not believe in flying; we feel more secure with our feet on the ground, even if it is just quicksand.

* Fear always intercepts our attempts to change; fear of the devil we don’t know; fear of the other side of the fence; fear of the maze.

* We hold on to stability, to our comfort zone, like a mother to her child on a collapsing bridge, and we avoid venturing outside for fear of getting hurt or getting lost.

* Nothing justifies waking up in the morning hating what you wake up to, who you wake up with, or where you get up to go.

* Nothing explains leading an unfulfilled life with an unfulfilling job and an unfulfilling partner.

* We are meant to choose. We are created to investigate options and alternatives. We are not equipped to compromise for the long term.

* There are times when we consciously limit our options because we do not want to feel overwhelmed by the infinity of choices out there. It is difficult to choose; the bigger the selection, the more helpless we feel.

* How do we know we are making the right decision? How can we tell that we are not going to regret this? Other than using our limited common sense and intangible gut feeling, we will never know!

* Find micro-options and loopholes of choices in the tightest of situations and the trickiest of questions.

* Shift your motivation from the fear of loosing to the excitement about winning.

A Penny for your Thoughts!

Growing up I had ample respect for writers whether they wrote for the silver screen or on the pages of newspapers and magazines. My deepest and most pious thoughts were directed towards those whose books and novels hacked my mind. I have always envisioned male authors to be old wealthy intellectual creatures whose lives are filled with seminars, parties, lectures, and brilliant discussions. My teenage head believed that female writers had to wear glasses on a plump face; they had to be short and their hair had to be gray. It was natural to assume that recognition, wealth, and thoughts that were worth sharing came with age; hence, the notion of a young writer was not to be conceived.

Over the past 33 years I have absorbed the colors, scents, flavors, textures, and voices of everything I encountered. I have sponged on people I met vacuuming their feelings, experiences, beliefs, fears, dreams, and nightmares. I have turned into a walking magnetic crucible of humanity and there is much more to attract. When I turned 30 my collective potion of pain reached its boiling temperature and it began pouring in emails to my friends, on magazine pages, and along the tabs of my blogs. Writing liberated me and vented the heat off my overloaded psyche. I also discovered that great young writers exist and that female writers could be pretty and smart without one attribute overriding the other.

In my grown up head it was natural to assume that if a person had the talent and the imagination to string literary beads of thoughts into a sacred rosary, then that person could be a writer. Then I learned the power of connections and the allure of fame. I adamantly worked on both seizing every opportunity that beamed in my horizon. I thought that I was a few baby steps away from my dream – becoming a writer … a real writer … a published writer with books, essays, novels, and what-have-you. Again, I assumed that people who contribute to the legacy of an era should do nothing but write, and that if a person chose to become a writer then that person needed to earn a good living out of writing.

Between the ruthless clutches of publishers, producers, agents, copyrights, and other calculative mechanisms a writer’s priceless thoughts and words became worthless. The most creative writers I know are leading the lives of vagabonds. The freelancers, unless they are trapped into some corporate entity, they are semi starved. The scriptwriters – talented ones – are licking the dust. Novelists are sold cheap and columnists do it for fun. Editors in magazines enjoy zero stability and very little income compared to their counterparts in other industries.

The blogosphere has attracted a multitude of writers – published and unpublished – whose work reeks of talent. Whether it is in English or Arabic; be it poetry or prose – mystical is their gift. Being the naïve optimist that I am, I urged them to get published. The Miss Fix-It that I could be, embarked on creating a fool-proof marketing plan for their talent and gift in a world that pays more for a skilled – not talented – well-connected pen. The World Wide Web has given them a voice, a solid base of readers, a fan club, and interactive feedback. They have escaped from materialistic torture devices into cyberspace. They write because they just want to write – it is not a living and it certainly is not a life.

The image that I painted for writers in my teens is now shattered. The dream that I lived about becoming one of them is now uncertain. Touring the world with my books, touching hearts, provoking thoughts, and raising our dead society from its beauty sleep all seem vague. If I want to maintain the standard of living that I luckily enjoy now, writing will not suffice. I will always have to sell my body to some corporate entity to secure my basic physiological and safety needs. In front of me she sat, and with young inquisitive eyes the 21 year old journalist looked at me and asked: “Can I make a living out of being a writer?” I could have lied. I could have given her false hope. I looked into her soul and said: “No! It’s a penny for your thoughts!”

The Magic Mirror

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Who’s the fairest fair of all?

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Who’s the smartest head of all?

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Who’s that girl standing tall?

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Who's to hold me when I fall?

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Why are you not answering my call?

Oh mirror ...

The lines and the scars you do not hide

My scattered thoughts you would not guide

Me myself and I; the gap so wide

Oh mirror; you make me look inside

You show me a girl against the tide

By the rules she would not abide

Within your frame, a caged spirit am I?

By your name, what voice have I?

Oh mirror … can you hear me?

My mirror is deceiving me!

I will show you my smile ... will you let me?

A star in my eyes ... will you get me?

I will show you a happy face ... please let me

A shelter from myself ... please get me

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Do not show me her face;

I have killed her and left no trace.

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

She shall never stutter;

With a new voice, words she will utter.

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Her fear you shall never show;

Fearless she is to know.

Mirror ... mirror on the wall,

Do not point at her scars;

It hurts ... not her scars.

Oh mirror ...

There is no Santa but tell her not

Dreams are dreams but wake her not

She will give in ... tell her not to

She will give up ... tell her not to

Cruel mirror ...

Why show me a figure so broken?

Why tell me words unspoken?

My mirror ...
Every time I at look you

I miss a line in her face.

Every time I come to you

A part of her I erase.

Every time I need you

I abandon her grace.

So my mirror ..

Where is the little fat girl that you used to show me?

Where are the frightened eyes that used to look at me?

Is she still hiding her smile with her hand?

Is she still looking for a magic wand?

You loved her not

You loved me a lot

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

What have I done?

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Where has she gone?

Mirror … mirror on the wall,

Which way do I run?

Yes mirror ...

How I wish I could give you my back

and never look at you again.

How I wish I could leave you on a rack

and never fall for your tricks again.

Oh mirror ... Why can’t you lie?

Why don’t you tell me that I am the fairest fair of all?

Why don’t you tell me that I am the smartest head of all?
Why don’t you let me stand proud and tall?
Will you at least be there when I fall?
Oh … Mirror … mirror on the wall …
Why are you not answering my call?

The Funfair

My laughter and giggles filled the air
as you walked me to the fair.
I was again a little girl of five;
I was so alive.

My pink ballerina shoes I wore
for I feared falling no more.
To the carousel we walked
and about all the games we talked.

The merry-go-round song played
and to the tunes I swayed.
A black stallion I mounted;
up and down I counted.

In the air my hands I threw
in my heart your love grew.
To the rollercoaster we went
next to one another we laid spent.

You bought me ice cream on a cone;
its chocolate flavor made me moan.
You painted kittens on my face,
and gave me mittens made of lace.

In the mirror maze we set foot
hand in hand we stood.
What I saw was never so true;
I saw the girl that I once knew.

In front of the fortuneteller our eyes met.
“Will it last?” I asked fearing regret.
“Carpe Diem” were the two words she uttered.
“I love you” in a low voice you stuttered.

Between a silent breeze and tunes so fine,
in the horizon a dolphin did shine.
In my heart and out he jumped;
our bodies gently bumped.

I am the ocean! The high waves I create.
I am a wave! In the ocean I propagate.
In a chocolate factory the little girl stood.
The delightful chocolate tasted so good.

Oh God!

Nothing

Deep into your beautiful eyes I look;
I see nothing.
Between your poised words I listen;
I hear nothing.
Through your sculptured face I gaze;
There is nothing.

You look at my defeated face;
You see nothing.
You hear my hollow words;
You say nothing.
You reach out to me;
But alas! You mean nothing.

Like a big transparent ball,
You are made of nothing.
Like a wooden plaque on a wall,
You reflect nothing.
Like a Greek statue in my hall,
You feel nothing.

In the circle of nothingness we met,
Talked for hours about nothing I bet,
Have I not told you? Nothing will nothing beget.

Yours truly,
Marwa Rakha

Challenging the Dragon in the Eye of the Sun

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”

- Sir Francis Bacon

I woke up gasping for air after another nightmare and I knew that this would be another sleepless night. I reached out for his book as though I needed to feel his presence. No one has ever dedicated anything to me - I read the dedication he wrote me one more time; in his head I am smoking apple flavored shisha on my terrace, staring at the stars, obsessing about my toothbrush, and coloring my world in orange. I am not an avid reader of Arabic literature but Ahmed Naje’s Rogers was anything but disappointing.

Reading Rogers felt like sitting next to a remarkable storyteller as he flipped through his photo album and told me the story of each shot. Instead of turning moments into fading memories, Ahmed decided to capture the essence of his childhood memories, school days, traumas, family icons, wars, and amours in his book. The prose and narration, along with his vivid imagery, textured descriptions, and forward colors gave life to each of his characters. His attention to detail can be easily traced in his descriptions – the mosquito scene on his grandfather’s hand is just one example.

Ahmed Naje’s Rogers is a canvas of memories and snapshots where fact and fiction are woven beyond identification. His imagination fed stories to his green inquisitive mind. Questions like the existence of God, the creation and “sewing” of the human body, the laws of attraction, and the need to create a utopia are just a few fragments of his enigmatic book. Unlike other picture albums, Naje’s pictures are far from perfect; he has no reluctance in showing his scars, his fears, his dreams, and his frustrations – as a little boy and as an adult. As a reader, you cannot help but identify with the feelings that each shot evokes.

Feeling the air blow against his face, walking by the river, and seeing green fields set a striking contrast between his life at his hometown and his life in “the big city” where suffocating cement blocks turn his stomach and only the thought of a revolution or a supernatural gift for larceny cause his mental orgasms. The most visible themes revolve around his grandparents, his parents, his street, his cruel teacher, his girlfriend, his undefined female friend, and his best friend. On a deeper level you can trace his unanswered questions – starting from God to his very own existence and his chosen path.

With lots of imagination Naje, echoing Roger Waters of Pink Floyd’s Album “The Wall”, created a brick wall between his reality and his fantasy land. In his own words and using his own palette he decided to color his pictures adding one brick after the other to the wall that he often crossed in his first book – Rogers.

The S-Word

Like a sword the s-word cuts through our lives; starting and ending relationships; labeling and tagging people; torturing some and relieving others. I grew up watching our Egyptian cinema turning sex into a shameful repulsive act where the woman is defeated and the man is delighted. The message was very clear: women who “give in” to men without a legally binding document end up suffering one way or the other. The s-word turns them into social outcasts, black sheep, or infamous notorious creatures of the night. The man usually vanishes leaving behind a bereaved creature pulling her hair and tearing apart what’s left of her clothes as a sign of intense remorse. Some of those women were portrayed to show further suffering when the seed of the affair blossoms into a child. With nothing but disdain and a curled lip, the voice of our intact society would echo in our ears saying “I told you so!”

In our modern cinema, girls can flirt and tease as much as they pleased but the s-word is still frowned upon. Those engaging in premarital sex strive throughout the movie to set two wrongs right – and of course it is the girl who is always doing her very best to get a ring on the damn finger. Other tragic heroines, whose character flaw is their lustful nature, have to go through a painful catharsis whereby they are humiliated, rejected, mortified, and eventually forgiven, or killed in an accident. In the first dénouement, being forgiven in this sense means that they have learnt their lesson and that they will lead a life of penance and “virtue” until a fine gentleman sees how far they have changed and kindly accepts to give them a ring. In the second scenario - where they die - they have paid in full for their mortal sin and now they can just die to set an example for the living.

Today a fellow writer, in a casual chat, asked me why girls refuse and adamantly resist getting intimate with their beau. He complained of the fact that girls feel that the s-word impacts the interest, or the lack of interest, of a guy in a girl. He bluntly asked me why girls fear losing the guy once they have sex with him. I was not the only one watching those movies; I could even consider myself lucky because I was a late bloomer in my relationship with the silver screen. Decade after another, such movies spread the guilt culture in our shame society. As if FGM (female genital mutilation) was not enough to create lifetime barriers between our girls and their sexuality, we have a whole culture preaching the virtue of a hymen.

Arabic movies, books, and anecdotes planted a deeply rooted conviction that girls who are “dishonorable” are not fit for being wives or mothers. The same influences caused men to believe that a girl who expresses her love physically is loose; hence the famous analogies between a girl’s honor and a match stick, a brand new car and a second hand car, and the famous piece of meat covered in sticky flies. My maid once noticed that my cats were not playing together and threw me a casual comment saying “why would he want to even see her face … he already took what he wanted … he is just a man!”

I have many male friends who, in my presence, share their success stories and conquests in the female world. Their verbiage and jargon are of the most offensive type; verbs like jumped, humped, and scored are very popular. So even if a guy is sitting there all polished and cleaned up for his girl, she could still sense the jump-hump-score sequel. Our men are known to be sweet-talkers and to be very expressive in the beginning of the relationship; an American friend of mine, who laments ever getting married to her educated Egyptian hubby, told me that he swept her off her feet with his words, attention, and passion – this is what our men do.

But once the girl loses touch with the ground, she falls … she falls hard and is most likely to break her neck, smash her head, or crack her back. She survives the fall only to live with a permanent disability. Experience taught girls to hold back; they learnt to disguise their feelings in a cloak of callousness for self preservation purposes. Our generation of men and women are confused; everything that they were taught as kids is being questioned as adults. Our very same inhibited women and our very own conservative men, once in the presence of a foreigner are transformed. The women no longer feel judged and the men no longer feel pressured and questioned – what a mess!

I am not for or anti premarital sex. There are so many variables in the equation and our society is not ready for a generalization of any sort at this point of time; if I tell girls to go ahead and to release their inhibitions, I will be damned. If I tell them to resist and to fight the natural urge for intimacy, I am a lying hypocrite. I will just leave it at the point where it is a case by case scenario and I will conclude on a final note to the guys: mental shackles are way worse than metal shackles. We will get out of our dungeons, when we no longer fear your dragons.

Women are like Ducks!

A few years back Shania Twain inspired me to sketch an analogy between men and shoes. At the time, I had settled for a very wrong pair of shoes; uncomfortable from the start, though highly maintained, they lost their allure as time passed, and I realized that I have invested a fortune of emotions into a fake, yet well polished pair of mismatched sneakers. Today, for no justified reason, I decided to come clean with a new confession; women are like ducks. When I look at women, instead of faces, I see ducks. There are several categories of ducks in my world; wild ducks, stuffed ducks, black ducks, and sitting ducks. There are pure, hybrid, and deformed breeds of ducks … Let me illustrate to give you a better idea.

Wild ducks are fearless spirits, risk-takers, and trend-setters. In the prairie, among beasts they live, yet highly respected and well positioned. No one dares pluck their feathers, tame, mold, frame, or domesticate them. Those creatures are often criticized, rejected, and resisted but it never makes them any weaker or milder. Whether other ducks look up to them or look down on them, they just cannot be as wild or as free. Unlike black ducks, they know who they are, what they want, and where they want to go. Wild ducks end on a plate only if shot dead or ambushed.

At the other extreme, black ducks are outcasts; like their market value, their self esteem, and their social acceptance are low. Their flaw could be related to their physique, social disposition, spiritual inclination, tarnished reputation, or unheard of ideas. Black ducks are sentenced to a lifetime of isolation and alienation – and it hurts them. A black duck wants to be unnoticed, unheard, unseen, and, in a way, invisible. They are the geeks, the nerds, and the pimple-faced teenagers that never grow into anything more assertive. Since the men of this world are not blessed with insight into their souls, black ducks, end up alone or on the plate of an equal male outcast. Being a black duck is a stigma that neither time nor blood could erase.

Going down the ladder, stuffed ducks are a delight to look at and a pleasure to feast over. They are perfect for social occasions and for showing off purposes – each man on the table has a stuffed duck on his plate! Being full of rice, onions, and any leftovers in the fridge, stuffed ducks look bigger and better than other ducks – posh and grand. They lure men by their big bloated over-fed over-exposed over-stuffed appearance only to give them, instead of nourishing meat, a plate full of constipating legumes. Needless to say, one can only handle that much of stuffed fowl. Their mission in life is to look good – and stuffed! Stuffed ducks land on the plate of whoever pays more.

Sitting ducks are pathetically lovely; you can caress them, fondle them, shoot them, cook them, stuff them, or cage them. They are tame, demure, docile, and disciplined. Sitting ducks are anything but confrontational – they will whine, complain, and bitch about something to everyone and anyone but their offender. Sitting ducks have neither flying abilities nor argumentative capabilities; they are an easy catch, a quick dump, and a perfect emotional punching bag. They do not land on a man’s plate; they end up in his fridge for use when there is no other food on his table – sitting ducks are always taken for granted and never appreciated.

Our culture encourages sitting ducks, exiles wild ducks, despises black ducks, and craves for stuffed ducks, but pure breeds are rare nowadays; for example, I am a hybrid of wild and black ducks- and that says it all about me. Men drool over the offspring of crossbreeding stuffed ducks and sitting ducks; such ducklings fit all the molds of our patriarchal society. Some men are stupid enough to think that they can turn a wild duck into a sitting duck, or even worse, turn a black duck into a stuffed duck. The most hazardous type is a mix of wild ducks and stuffed ducks; they think they rule the word.

Continuing the bird analogy, I would classify swans, ostriches, and birds of prey as deformed breeds. Swans are the vain girls who do not practice what they preach; they claim to be on a high ethical pedestal when their feet are in deep mud. Ostriches burry their heads in the sand thinking they outsmarted everyone when they are nothing but blind, stupid, and ignorant. They easily point out the flaws in others, and because their heads are in the sand, they believe that no one could see their flaws. Hawks are a carnivorous strain of women that feeds on its own friends and loved ones. They are full of envy, venom, evil, and have zero tolerance and no resilience. Multiple deformities occur but the outcome is a creature that is, at best, disgusting.

Horizontal Relationships – Updates and Q&A

Update:
It has been almost two weeks since I wrote about my experience with horizontal relationships. I promised to be honest with my updates and here I am again. Natural selection and Darwinism played their role in filtering my eggs. I have to admit that I was so sad to lose three of my guys; yes, I lost three in one week!

The first guy was too pushy and all our conversations started with and ended in WH-Questions; where are you? Why don’t you answer my calls? What are you doing? Who are you with?

The second and the third are only good for desperate girls who have nothing better, or no one better, to invest in. They were both nice to flirt with but it started and ended with nothing but high school games – so futile and so unproductive.

I still like the fourth but I am missing the fun and excitement of putting my eggs in more than one basket. I feel that I am sliding slowly in a vertical relationship simply because I do not like anyone else at the moment.

Q&A

What is a vertical relationship?

Vertical relationships mean that you are in a relationship with one person whom you get to know, understand, appreciate, and love by time. This is a type of relationships that involves a lot of trust, dependability, possessiveness, and depth. If you are in a vertical relationship, you invest deeply and seriously in the relationship and in the partner - you put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. If that basket falls, your losses are countless. Vertical relationships do not have a depth limit to them ... so if you stay a day and you dig a meter then when you are there for a week it is another few meters ... and so on ... as long as you are investing then it is vertical how far, how long, how deep, do not change the vertical aspect.

What are horizontal relationships?
“Your eggs” in horizontal relationships are randomly distributed in several baskets; you do not place all your bets on one horse and your investments are diversified to secure you from bankruptcy. Horizontal relationships are neither fake nor superficial; they are just not deep enough to cause serious damage should someone try to pull your tooth out.

Horizontal relationships are a great illustration of how the sum of the parts could be bigger than the whole; each one of your partners alone would make a wrong partner, but together their weaknesses seem to vanish with the sense of perfection they bring into your life. There is a continuous elimination process ... sort of a survival for the fittest process. If one of them becomes a burden or too much work he is expelled and replaced when I happen to like someone else. The value of the relationship is directly proportional to what the partner brings into your life. It is the ideal antidote for taking someone for granted; you snooze ... you loose.

What is the difference between horizontal relationships and open relationships?
In an open relationship, you are in a relationship with one main partner but you allow yourself to play with others. In horizontal relationships your one and only commitment is to yourself; what you feel like doing and who you feel like being with.

What is the difference between horizontal relationships and friends with benefits?
Friends with benefits are basically friendships that got comfortable enough to allow physical episodes. Horizontal relationships involve all the dating aspects. It is not a friendship.

What is the difference between horizontal relations and casual dates?
Casual dates have zero depth. You do not want, or care, to know your partner. You just want to spend some good time. In horizontal relations you genuinely care. You are sincere.

Can my horizontal partner be married?
No - It makes you his mistress not his partner.

Can my horizontal partner be dating someone else?
If he/she does not know, then no - It makes it an affair not a relationship.

Can my horizontal partner keep me in the dark?
No - you turn from a partner to a dark nasty ugly disgusting secret.

What are the advantages of having horizontal relationships?

* Emotional Independence - You will never need to depend on the presence or absence of one person in your life.
* Fulfillment - You will never feel lonely, bored, hurt, insulted, or cheated, and you will never have to spend another weekend alone.
* Attention - You will always have a date, and worst case scenario, you will always have an email, a text message, or a phone call to put a smile on your face.
* Balance - I am never too available, too focused, too critical, or too demanding simply because what one man lacks the other fulfills and I feel loved and cared for all the time.
* Content - moreover, when one man slouches, instead of reprimanding him, as I used to, I would just give more room for the other three to fill in the void that was left behind.
* Horizontal relationships are, so far, liberating, fulfilling, pleasant, and they add a different flavor to each day.

What are the disadvantages of horizontal relationships?

* If you are not the organized type, you will suffer stress, overlapping schedules, exhaustion, and the wear and tear of your mind trying to cope with the constant change.
* If you are the melancholic type, you will long for the intimacy the builds up in vertical relationships.
* If you are the committed type, this will not work for you!
* If you are looking for marriage and kids, this will not work for you too!
* Confusion and mixed up emotions is very likely to happen.
* Subconsciously comparing your partners is always a threat.
* Becoming too self-involved and too self-centered is a natural outcome.

* Being called a slut by people who cannot understand what you are saying.

What are the rules?

* Honesty is the first and foremost of all the rules; never lie about, or hide from, the fact that you are having multiple partners.
* Do as you would be done by – you are still an ethical person who does not step allover people in the name of horizontal relationships.
* Do not promise exclusivity when that is not the case.
* Do not claim to enjoy horizontal relationships hoping to entrap a vertical partner. This strategy is doomed to backfire.
* You have to truly, genuinely, and sincerely like your partners – all of them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Most of the time, people who are used to vertical relationships would like one partner and line up the others to fill in his shoes in case of absence or misconduct. This strategy is fatal; being with people you do not like, or with people you like half heartedly, will push you back forcibly into the arms of the one partner you like – and we all know how being clingy is inversely proportionate with being loved.
* I have always pleaded for equality, and it is only fair to remind you that you are free to come and go as you please and so are your partners.

Do you get jealous in horizontal relationships?
Every now and then you will feel a tingling sense of jealousy towards one of your partners but it is never as suffocating or as painful as the jealousy you feel towards your sole partner in vertical relationships. Were there a “flirting nerve” in our body, then this is the type of jealousy that triggers it.

Jealousy happens for two reasons: 1) you are insecure, or 2) you have higher expectations that what your partner could fulfill.

In this type of relationship, you are not insecure and you have zero expectations ... so the only jealousy that you feel is when you see that person showing interest in someone else ... when that happens, it just makes you more competitive and territorial in a positive way - you will try to be a better person instead of turning his life into a living hell.

“As time passes and u check your investment u will find minimum return corresponding to the minimum effort, time”
False! As time passes the weak eggs perish and you are only left with the strong assets. Plus who said anything about minimum effort and minimum time? Horizontal relationships are neither fake nor superficial; they just help you get what you want without pressuring people to give what they are not capable of.

“With time this wont be acceptable, with time we will all long for intimacy to fill the void inside us.”
False! If you are so dependent on intimacy then you are not equipped for horizontal relations. Check the definitions above to know where you are and what you are getting yourself into.

“Horizontal relationships are like takeaway food; it stops your hunger but u can not remember its taste.”
False! One night stands are take away food ... but this is so so different ... you dine in ... but you do not dine in one restaurant all the time.

“It’s like poker, you bet too high, you either win big or become flat broke (Vertical relationship) On the other hand, if you bet low; or fairly moderate, you won’t loose that much but if you do win (definition needed), that’s your “kick” which is sadly; momentarily. (Horizontal relationship)”
If winning = marriage then you will lose. If winning = commitment then you will suffer. If winning = anything but being happy now and who the hell cares about tomorrow then you will win and a momentarily high is your aim after all.

“Don't you think that one day, horizontal relationships, would ever make you feel lonely deep inside, even with the presence of the 4 guys?”
On the contrary; loneliness comes from being with people you do not care about or from people who do not care about you. In vertical relationships, you can be the loneliest person ever because your partner has no interest in you, or in what you do. In horizontal relations (please read the rules again) you are with people you DO like. Loneliness happens when you are empty from the inside ... and you are empty from the inside when you do not relate to your partner/s. In this relationship ... I like them all and there are touch points with each one.

Could we apply that for getting married to four?
No. This is a dating model not a marriage or family model.

“This is the pattern of relations everyone have after we break up specially after long termed relations; we feel a bit unsecured … u call it horizontal and i call it dilemma :)”
Nop the Dilemma is whether you can handle and fully understand horizontal relationships or not.

Can we turn a horizontal relation into an exclusive one by time?
“Be exclusive” is a voice of someone who cannot compete on the market, hence wants a guarantee ... it is way way gratifying to find a person who wants to be with you and only you out of love not out of a deal.

Are horizontal relationships a form of cheating?
Cheating is about being dishonest and lying. In this scenario the two are ruled out. We just give one another enough space to be.

Men will not welcome a girl in horizontal relations
False! If a man is confident enough he will not mind competition ... I do not mind competition ... I know who I am and I know what I have to offer ... funny enough the men who used to be so laid back taking my presence for granted are now working their asses off to get a bigger part of me! Love has to be earned ... I am waiting

The fool puts his eggs in more than one basket; the wise puts them in one basket and guards them well.
False: Protecting the basket is so consuming and you might end up putting in so much effort protecting worthless eggs ... leave it to natural selection … nature will expire rotten eggs and will nourish and protect good ones.

Will that make you loose/immoral?
No you are very structured, very honest, very moral, and very devoted - to yourself

What happens if I get attached?
Attachment is not part of that deal.What if all your partners ask you for a date in the same time, how will you handle that situation?They would never ask me for a date on the same day ... but let's assume that this day is Valentine's Day ... I will just consult my selfish self and decide who will have the pleasure of my company.

“When you talk about jealousy, and the person becoming more competitive in a so-called "positive" way, you are degrading yourself, and your partners. People will compete - only until they close a sale. If they compete again tomorrow, then that is to close a new sale. If a man or woman has a relation in which they do that type of competition - then they will only invest as much as they need to buy (or sell) today's share of pleasure.”

Those are the words of a person who hates competition and wants Egypt Air to be the national carrier forever regardless of the quality of the service or its competitiveness in the market. There is no such thing as closing a deal nowadays … the new trend is CRM (Customer Relationship Management) and that means you continue to serve and please your current customer because the cost of a new customer is 6 times higher than the cost of retaining an existing customer.

“Relationships - whether you call it horizontal or vertical - are about the other person being there for you - especially, when you have nothing to offer. That's what friendship is - the simplest form of a one-to-one not-otherwise-related relationship. You don’t pay the price for some good company unless you are desperate.”

Desperate is putting up with some silly good-for-nothing person in your life just because you think this is a steady relationship.

“You can think of these men as friends with benefits, but that's as good as it can get. Otherwise, when he picks up the bill for dinner - then that's how much money he invested in return for your company today. Tomorrow is a new sale.”

These words are so far from the truth. Read above the difference between this relationship and horizontal relations. For more insight on: who picks up the check, read my “I am half a woman” article.

"U might not be hurt half as bad as u would otherwise but can u feel half as good?"

It feels better .... remember the rules... you have to really like your partners ... otherwise you will be miserable ... and their presence will make you lonelier than ever.

"Can u stop urself from the inevitable game of favs? finding urself attracted just a tad bit more to someone?"

I do not know how other people function but I do not have a problem favoring one partner over the others ... it is not about them .. it is about me.

"Does that make u feel wholesome or just as u describe it a fragment of what HIS perfect woman should be?"

Believe it or not I am fine with that .. I am not perfect .. I cannot be molded ... I hate pressure.

"it is the ideal antidote for taking someone for granted ... you snooze .. you loose ... You know, you'd make a great sales manager - keep your staff on their tip-toes. Meet your targets, or help yourself to the door! - It works, but you have to pitch in some security to get a loyal employee who won't ditch you at the first next-best offer. As for a relation - there is a level of trust, security, etc. that you have to reach in order to call it a "relation".

Once again we are back to security. People who seek security, stability, stagnation, and a signed contract are not fit for horizontal relations.

If you have a car that you value, you don't dump it when it snoozes - but when a match-stick snoozes, you trash it. How valuable are you to your partners? And how valuable are your partners to you?

Your value is directly proportional to what you bring to the life of your partner; it could be great conversation, fun outings, warmth, no pressure, or anything that you have to offer other than the chains of commitment. The value of the partner is directly proportional to what the partner brings into your life.

Why put all your eggs in one basket!

Many a time have I written about relationships; our feminine mazes that confuse men and the masculine traps that capture our hearts. This is still by far the most difficult article I have ever written. I am about to advocate something that I have never believed in. Actually, I am on the verge of stabbing a deeply rooted belief in our multi-layered culture. The same girl that, given a chance, would have poisoned every man or woman who accepted getting into an open relationship - that very same girl - is about to cross out monogamous relationships and validate having multiple partners. To save face, I will refer to monogamy as “vertical relationships”, and “horizontal relationships” are to be synonymous with polygamy - I am still having psychological barriers with the word!

Let me start by defining the two terms. Vertical relationships mean that you are in a relationship with one person whom you get to know, understand, appreciate, and love by time. This is a type of relationships that involves a lot of trust, dependability, possessiveness, and depth. If you are in a vertical relationship, you invest deeply and seriously in the relationship and in the partner - you put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. If that basket falls, your losses are countless. “Your eggs” in horizontal relationships are randomly distributed in several baskets; you do not place all your bets on one horse and your investments are diversified to secure you from bankruptcy. Horizontal relationships are neither fake nor superficial; they are just not deep enough to cause serious damage should someone try to pull your tooth out.

Like my multiple careers, I began juggling multiple partners. I have always complained of the scarcity of good men, yet I found myself attracted to four men at the same time. They have nothing in common but me. I have grown to like them as individuals and to appreciate what each one brings into my life. The intensity that used to ruin my previous vertical relationships is now working in favor of my horizontal relationships. To the four, I am never too available, too focused, too critical, or too demanding simply because what one man lacks the other fulfills and I feel loved and cared for all the time. Moreover, when one man slouches, instead of reprimanding him, as I used to, I would just give more room for the other three to fill in the void that was left behind – and there is room for more.

But before you go ahead and embark on one of those awesome horizontal relationships, you need to know the pros, the cons, and the rules. I have spent enough time analyzing my new experience and I will gladly share with you my findings. Uphill, you will never need to depend on the presence or absence of one person in your life. You will never feel lonely, bored, hurt, insulted, or cheated, and you will never have to spend another weekend alone. You will always have a date, and worst case scenario, you will always have an email, a text message, or a phone call to put a smile on your face. You will never look like a famished Somali kid in front of an open buffet. Basically, you will be happy! Downhill, if you are not the organized type, you will suffer stress, overlapping schedules, exhaustion, and the wear and tear of your mind trying to cope with the constant change. If you are the melancholic type, you will long for the intimacy the builds up in vertical relationships. If you are the committed type, this will not work for you!

But if you want this to work, you must abide by the rules. Honesty is the first and foremost of all the rules; never lie about, or hide from, the fact that you are having multiple partners. Do as you would be done by – you are still an ethical person who does not step allover people in the name of horizontal relationships. Do not promise exclusivity when that is not the case. The second rule is an extension of the first rule; do not claim to enjoy horizontal relationships hoping to entrap a vertical partner. This strategy is doomed to backfire.

The backbone of this type of relationships is to truly, genuinely, and sincerely like your partners – all of them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Most of the time, people who are used to vertical relationships would like one partner and line up the others to fill in his shoes in case of absence or misconduct. This strategy is fatal; being with people you do not like, or with people you like half heartedly, will push you back forcibly into the arms of the one partner you like – and we all know how being clingy is inversely proportionate with being loved. Horizontal relationships are a great illustration of how the sum of the parts could be bigger than the whole; each one of your partners alone would make a wrong partner, but together their weaknesses seem to vanish with the sense of perfection they bring into your life.

I have always pleaded for equality, and it is only fair to remind you that you are free to come and go as you please and so are your partners. Every now and then you will feel a tingling sense of jealousy towards one of your partners but it is never as suffocating or as painful as the jealousy you feel towards your sole partner in vertical relationships. Were there a “flirting nerve” in our body, then this is the type of jealousy that triggers it. Horizontal relationships are, so far, liberating, fulfilling, pleasant, and they add a different flavor to each day. I broke the curse …. My men never lasted more than a month … my four men made it past the first month and some of them made it to two months … I am still experimenting with horizontal relationships and, as always, should I hit a brick wall, I will come back and spill my guts out ... until then … I will fly high.