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Monday, March 12, 2007

Beyond Firewalls - Back from the Adult Underworld

Was I bored? Maybe! Was it loneliness? Possibly! Was I hurting and in need of a quick fix? Maybe all of that and more! It was just one of those insane moments when one consciously decides to break a rule for the heck of it. I typed the address of the world's largest sex & swinger personals community in the browser box and waited for what seemed like an eternity before I clicked the “go” button. The homepage featured a clip of a semi-naked babe dressed in almost nothing, and her eyes seemed to stare back at me as though she was challenging me to actually do it.

I was too intrigued to walk away. I accepted the webmaster’s invitation to create an account – Actually, I created two. For my female account, I came up with a super sexy name, ripped an extra seductive picture off the net, wrote a state-of-the art introduction about myself, filled in the required fields, and submitted my form. I went through the same steps to create my male profile, but the name and the picture were more inspiring. I took shelter in a foreign name; Jenny and Mike were the names I used when I talked to people. Immediately, I received a congratulations email and my passwords. I was all set to go. If you are expecting a traditional critique of online dating, stop reading here and save yourself more than a handful of shocking details.

Good! You decided to read on. So, the first logical place to start was definitely browsing the profiles of other members to get an overall idea (209,749 listings in Egypt). Then it was only natural to start searching the profiles based on my personal preferences; country, age, gender, hair, eyes, body type, endowment, bedroom interests, marital status, fantasies, desired type of relationship, and other options. I decided to go for four basic searches in Egypt; men looking for women, men looking for men, women looking for men, and women looking for women. The handles (nicknames) were not very encouraging and the headlines were even more discouraging, but whose words was I expecting to read?

I also visited this site’s affiliate sites specialized in alternative lifestyles, Asians, Russians, Literotica, and BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.) I was amazed – Egypt had a very strong presence. After a week, when the site realized that I was not going to pay yet I am attracting a lot of members, they gave me access to all profiles, and I was able to contact whoever I fancied. I tried to be as selective as possible without limiting my options. I sent emails left and right driven by curiosity and my own emotional issues.

The messages I received from men were - at best - revolting. I nearly cried when I read the first email. The female in me felt assaulted by a few words describing her privates and what this complete stranger wants to do to her. I toughened up by time and I learned how to just ignore such emails. I also learned to keep my lower jaw in place when I was sent phone numbers, nude pictures, or more intimate pictures. EgyptHorse, Confidant, Rambo, FireBird, MaadiMan, SexyMan, and Funny_Pilot are examples of men looking for women for various purposes – be it one-on-one sex, group sex, erotic chats, exhibitionism, voyeurism, or swapping and swinging

Feline Wolf is a Lebanese man living in Kuwait who comes to Cairo regularly on business; he was looking for “an escort”. Sinner is an Egyptian looking for a “no strings attached” relationship because he does not want to go through a third divorce. 54 year old Akhnatun is interested in erotic chats and sharing pictures. While Domination Nature is a man who finds pleasure in using whips, needles, and candle wax, Undisciplined Boy needs a firm mistress. Married men had various reasons; Firestarter feels that he cannot share his fantasies with his wife because “she made fun of him”. Hawk feels the he has stamina for more than one woman as “this is how God created men”. Gringo does not feel appreciated by his wife who “never initiated sex”. Nile King is not interested in marriage; he can get all the sex he wants without the responsibilities of marriage, and Sex king is a businessman who throws regular group sex parties “for business and pleasure”.

The male version of me was much luckier; most of the emails were of a gentler nature. Moonlight is looking for women in Cairo for “warm passionate sex” and Female_Touches is inviting women and couples (2 females only) to check out the “things in (her) for a female’s touch”. Many of these girls were looking for a relationship not a one night stand. There were girls who were impoverished enough to ask for money or food in return of their services! A girl advised me to put on a veil for more discretion. “This is how I ensure that the guys I got intimate with did not recognize me outside the bedroom” she explained. Wanna_FuninBed, Sex_Teen_Secrets, Sexy_Lady, AreULovePussy, Nana, Nouny, Maya, Dala3ny, and Salwa seemed so real yet so desperate. Their invitations ranged from a simple “I love sex”, to more particular requests, attention to certain body parts, and less conventional forms of sex … got it?

Candle Light is a virgin who thinks that it is ok, religiously and socially speaking, to have sex with a girl. Hot2handle is a lesbian who has had it with men; “I have been hurt so many times. I can’t take it anymore. I will never understand men”. Mooneye is a married woman who feels neglected and totally unsatisfied; “I feel invisible and it hurts.” Ranrona is bisexual and wants to have sex with anyone who promises to keep her virginity. Romance Chance is engaged and cannot let her fiancé kiss her but she has no problem sleeping around; “I already have a hymen restoration procedure in plan”. Hermoso is a divorced woman who does not want to get married again. Narnar is a man who pretends to be a woman to hunt easier. My masculine picture also attracted a few homosexuals who shared the memories of their first time, their expectations, and their fears. AlwaysBottom, Beast, Frankie, Migos are males seeking other males. Egy-Sub is a young boy of 24 who needs to be dominated by men and Femboy is a cross dresser who has a list of “cross dresser parties in Cairo”.

The homosexual or bisexual girls who contacted me were mostly men in disguise. Some of them were girls who were sent on a hunting mission by the men in their lives – a threesome was their demand. Out of boredom, dissatisfaction, and experimentation, couples were willing to host me at their homes; women wanted to share their men and men wanted to share their women. Bi4Bi is a couple who needs a female companion. CoupleforLove are two girls who want to play with another couple. Egycouple are a couple looking for a man to please the woman in the presence of her husband.

I will neither get on the pulpit to preach the morality or the immorality of adult dating sites, nor will I point fingers at the people who, at one point of time, were my friends and support group. I just want to share and document my personal experience in a world that changed my life forever. My fake foreign identity made it easier for both genders to open up to me. They easily talked about their expectations, needs, and fantasies and I had a microscopic view of the rotten corrupt cells that are eating up the roots of our once intact society. I have always known that we were plagued with frustration but I never realized how deep or how far. I was confronted with the ugliest faces of double standards and hypocrisy.

I have mixed feelings about my adventure; shock, awe, curiosity, shame, disdain, fear, and other reactions towards the sites, the people on the sites, their activities, and my involvement. Instead of facing our problems and ailments, we escape to a fantasy land of our own creation. These people are neither fiction nor the inhabitants of a faraway land; they are Egyptians living with us and among us. Some of them are well established members of the society and carry the burden of family names that open closed doors. Others are soliciting prostitution in their own ingenious way. They are our neighbors, colleagues, friends, and role models; souls trapped in bodies that they hate and in lives that they resent; hidden personalities that lead secret lives – we escaped to the forbidden underworld – to the world beyond firewalls.


jina said...

m-contact me-good job!!! je

A true Egyptian Breed said...

A good post. I can feel a part of the Beyond Firewalls experience!

Rafik said...

You have guts to engage in this area, it only proves how our society has become deeply hypocrit with double standard.

MechanicalCrowds said...

People have been horny since the beginning of time and still are. What are they supposed to do? They'll find a way. I am sure there were much dirtier stuff going on before the internet.... in Egypt and outside.q

Eyad Harfoush said...

Oh Miss Courage in Person,
No limit for your guts ya Marwa, not because you visited this adult site, but because you stated it overtly. How many times should I say your courage is ultimately impressive to me?

Regarding the facts you found, it is not astonishing to me, as I was once upon time a good project of a psychiatrist, and still in contact with my psychiatry colleagues' community. I know by heart the following facts:

1. Rates of homo-sexuality, fetish tendencies, pedophilia.....etc are the same around the world. There is no chastity land on this planet & we had never been an exception today or in the past.

2. some specific sexual deviations are of much higher rates in our society, due to prolonged autism in practice at one side, female psychological circumcision which is more deleterious even than physical one on the other side .....etc.

3. Rates of marital affairs and women / men cheating on their partners are HIGHER in our societies, because our marriage foundations are drifted.

4. sexual orgies has always existed, sometimes with one partner obligating the other to participate (usually the man forcing the woman) its rates are similar to anywhere in the world

We had been always like this my courageous friend, but the era of communicating enabled the society to practice more, and enabled you to access the facts. You wrote in your 100 tips for good girls what proofs your understanding of the wide falsification space in our lives.

I aggress that since 70s, the inhibiting factor of morality is declining, due to pure materialistic set of values we established for ourselves.

bluestone said...

YOU sure have the guts to invade such a world ,,,, but WAAAAY TO GO GIRL ....
it's just about time that some speak out about our underworld ... I always thought it does exist, the more suppression and deprivation it gets the lower and more depraved it turns.
Unfortunalty as we pretend to such a moral conservative society with taboos are kept locked and questions unanswered this secret world shows how ugly we turned out to be ,,, and how important talking out and being honest.

You hav done a great job ,, may be you should prepare a real academic study out of it ..

Marwa Rakha said...

Thanks BlueStone ... you know, when I first started that article it was supposed to be a research, then I got sucked into that world and had to postpone my article for a whole year to gain perspective again ... what a world!

Usf said...

Actually, Marwa, another reason for that, is the extreme censorship here in Egypt. Some girls here are unaware of how exactly sex takes place between a man and his wife/partner. The only vague idea they have is the result of watching foreign television shows. Consequently, guys can be too eager for sex at the time of marriage, and so the women. However, over time, sex becomes neglected as a corner-stone of married life. This could be due to several reasons:

1: Either partner does not enjoy it

2: Other affairs(general life) are occupying either side's time.

3: The constant presence of children.

4: Either partner has unorthodox fantasies and fetishes that the other thinks are ridiculous and will not perform.

Hence the cheating and the dissatisfaction.

One solution in my opinion, is to decrease the public censorship and disgraceof having sex(marital, that is). It is a sacred act of love. It is absolutely halal. It has proven to be a healthy exercise, and the release of the chemicals during an orgasm can prevent certain diseases.

Perversions, homo-sexuality, and acts of promiscuouity aree merely a form of desperate cry for help.

For example, a guy is too stressed about getting married(due to the commitments and reponsibilities), so he satisfies his natural lust by sleeping with every woman in Egypt.

The girl who was fed-up with men turns to women. All she needs is to stop looking for the wrong kind of men...

The gay guy who feels he should be dominated by another man...He was probably molested as a child or abused by a parent(constant beaings, harsh childhood).

Anyways, props on the article, and good luck.

santanas said...

Will marwa if you ask why ? this will be more realistic because why they go to this faraway land as u called it.they feel with fake freedom and they have no courage to face the truth ,we all have the same fear we afraid of the society look to us no matter how this fear affect on our self and our feeling . we need to learn how to be free.Good effort and this my first time in your blog i found it gooooooooooooooood. fady

Anonymous said...

This goes on everywhere, not just Egypt. People like to fuck. So why are you so surprised?

Marwa Rakha said...

Fucking does not surprise me ... it is a basic need ... lying about it .. hiding it ... hypocrisy ... hiding behind a religious facade .... and throwing stones at couples who date while your own windows are made of glass ... this is what provokes me