"Beware of Egyptian Men," says the Canadian Embassy

Wandering Scarab - an Egyptian girl living in Canada - prior to her last visit to Egypt, decided to visit the Canadian Consulate website to register with the consulate in Egypt just in case her Canadian husband or her baby girl needed assistance with travel or local authorities. What she read on the site was appalling and ended up in her writing this post.

Women, particularly foreign women, are frequently subject to unpleasant male attention, sexual harassment, and verbal abuse. This often takes the form of staring, inappropriate remarks, catcalls, and touching. The Department publishes a booklet entitled Her Own Way: A Woman's Guide to Safe and Successful Travel. Its prime objective is to inform Canadian women and encourage them to travel safely.

There are reports of female Canadian citizens being forced into marriage without their prior knowledge or consent. Parents, relatives and the community may use relentless pressure and emotional blackmail, threatening behavior, abduction, imprisonment and physical violence to coerce young people to enter into marriage. While both men and women experience forced marriages, it is a form of violence most commonly perpetrated against women. They have been unable to return to Canada, and their passports and money have been retained by family members.

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Walk Like an Egyptian ... Marry Like an Egyptian

One particular post about Egyptian women getting married to foreign men caught my attention.

In her post about The Whores, Ghawayesh starts by saying:

"Times are changing and many ‘respected' families have come to accept the fact that their daughters can make their own choices of choosing to marry whoever they want, if they EVER CHOOSE to marry, which is also a new trend in Egypt."

She then explains an interesting fact about the psyche of Egyptian males who falsely believe

"that they are superior to males of other nationalities. When an Egyptian male opts for a foreign wife, then he's a winner and a stud and God's gift to her and she should be so thankful for his eternal tantrums and malignant ego. And their children are the most beautiful in the whole wide extended family only because their mommy is Blondie and so they are!"

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From the Diary of a Sinister Egyptian Spinster

Back in March 2008, Eman Hashim wrote a post [Ar] questioning why do Muslim Egyptian women need a "wakeel" - a man who has to sign her off to her husband. Let me give you a bit more insight here: unlike western cultures where the father gives away the bride as a jest of his approval and blessing, in Islam the marriage is "flawed" if the father, or the uncle if the father is deceased, has to speak on the bride's behalf through out all the paperwork and marriage procedures. Many sheikhs frown upon the thought of a girl - especially one who has never been married before and who is supposedly a virgin - marrying herself away.

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The Victimization of Egyptian Women and Children

In a not-so-rare scenario in Egypt, the man has the right to beat his wife and children as much and as severely as he wishes and no criminal charges can be filed against him - unless one of them dies as a result of this beating. Why?

"Because some crazy sadistic men have claimed that this is an authorized tool for disciplining a man's wife and children in Islam! Which is absolutely not true" explains the infuriated Fantasia.

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How Secure is Secure

Sunday 6 April - 7:45 PM - mom calls
Mom: Are you home?
Me: Yes
Mom: Why did you say this on OTV?
Me: Say what?
Mom: Your publisher was kidnapped ... in prison ... no second chances ... you are talking about politics!!!!!!!!
Me: Me? Politics? I talked about a man who was kidnapped under his building and his fiancée had no clue where he was.
Mom: This is just none of your business ... now I am worried about you.
Me: Don't worry ... I did not do anything wrong.
Mom: If they come and take you ... who should I call?
Me: (Laughter)

9:15 PM - mom calls
Mom: Are you home?
Me: Yes
Mom: Ok ... take care.

11:00 PM - mom calls
Mom: Are you home?
Me: (Annoyed) Yes!
Mom: Ok ... good night.

2:00 AM - mom calls
Mom: Are you home?
Me: (Shouting) Where do you think I will be?
Mom: (Crying) I have no clue!

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TALES FROM AN EGYPTIAN HOUSEHOLD - THE MAID

One morning she looked more dead that she usually did. She was a carcass with still tears in her eye sockets.

"What's wrong, Om Essam?"
"Nothing anesa (Miss) Marwa."

I insisted on an answer and between her loud sobs and silent tears, she told me how her husband's illness got worse - I did not know she had a husband - and how their son Saoudy, seemed to be contracting the same illness. She cried as she told me how her husband could had not worked in the last 10 years because he sleeps all the time; how he had unexplained frenzies; how he beat her, and her daughters, whenever he had one of his fits; how he turned into the famous bull in that china shop when he tore, broke, and crushed everything she worked so hard to buy for their home.

"Yesterday, Saoudy was about to throw himself out of the window. He said he did not want to live anymore. His sisters were screaming and wailing. I begged him to come back inside and to remember God. I did not want him to die an atheist. I did not want him to go to hell. The Sheikh in the mosque promised us that we would all go to heaven. He told us that people who lead such a tough life of deprivation would enjoy luxuries that surpass all luxuries in the afterlife. I know that I will go to heaven" said the woman as she wiped her face and reached for the mop.

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Dear MAN .. I miss you

Dear MAN

I miss you.
I know that I wake up next to you every morning - But I miss you.
I know that I go to bed next to you every night - Still I miss you.
I miss listening to you.
I miss looking into your eyes as I talk to you.
I miss the funny thing your nose does when you laugh.
I miss the other funny thing you nose does when you get mad.
I miss your silly jokes.
I miss the stories you told me a hundred times.
I miss holding your hand.
I miss your embrace.
I miss being in love with you.
Don't you?
Don't you miss me?

When we first met my heart promised you eternal and unconditional love; but somehow I let my heart down. My day to day life consumed me and our love suffered. Being your dutiful wife and the mother of your kids made me forget that I am also your lover and best friend. I saw you drift away and I did nothing to stop you. I saw the gap between us grow wider and I was too proud to draw myself closer to you. Today, you looked at me for the very first time in a very long time and I realized what has become of us.

How did we become roommates? How did our sentences become so abrupt? How did we grow so far apart? I do not want to blame you for letting our love fall into stagnation. I am reaching out to you now and I am asking you to help me resuscitate our love. Can we start over? Can you take my hands in yours one more time? Can we still walk that designated path together? I am willing to forget how the way you looked at me the other day hurt me. I will also forget how your words cut deep in my heart. I will forgive our last fight and our every fight. I will erase the marks my tears drew on my face. I will renew my love vows, will you listen?

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Say "NO" ... while you still can!

An easy guide to men who are BAD for you ... from The Poison Tree, Planted & Grown in Egypt

Mr. Perfect
He was young, tall, dark, handsome, successful, well off, and open-minded. Mr. Perfect was willing to see me even though he knew that I was living on my own, I had a career, I traveled a lot, and I am not the compromising type. Mom was certain that she would get to see me in a wedding gown in no time!

I asked Mr. Perfect if he was the faithful type. The question just flew out of my mouth and it was too late to take it back. All it took from Mr. Not-So-Perfect was a clear audible "NO" as an answer to my question, to bring my green-eyed monster out of its cave. I repeated my question again highlighting the facts that I expected my husband to be loyal; that I liked to play fair and square; that it was a two way street; that from a religious stance, marital infidelity is a big sin that men and women get stoned to death for.

Again I kept getting nonsensical replies from the groom-to-be. Matrimonial devotion did not seem to suit his notions. Of course Mr. Not-So-Perfect had every right to walk away. With his God-given qualities and mouthwatering attributes he could easily land any girl he wanted for a marriage bargain. Why would he bother with me and with my "radical" opinions? Why did he have to justify his actions and keep his promises? He did not need to resist temptation if he knew in advance that he would be forgiven.

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OTV takes a dive in my black box

Re-posted due to technical errors in the first post

Yasmine Abdalla
CEO & Managing Director
OTV

Dear Yasmine

I have hesitated a lot before writing you this note but after a long thought process, and against the advice of all my good friends, I decided that I owe you this much. I also decided not to publish what I have to tell you in any of the magazines that I write for to avoid any awkwardness. I hope you manage to free yourself for half an hour to read my lengthy communiqué.

First of all I would like to thank you for making me a familiar TV face – I will not go as far as saying a celebrity. I remember when we first met you told me that you are “making a somebody out of nobody” … that was not very nice of you and at the end of the day time will be the best judge on what is the definition of a “somebody” and a “nobody”. But yes, I owe you my first appearance on TV and I admit that I trained for almost a year and a half at your channel. Looking back at my early recordings, I have to admit, I have come a long way.

I would also like to apologize for breaking one of your rules; no one will become a star on my account (محدش هيتنجم على حسابى) … yeah … we have all heard you promise and threaten. This brings me to the main purpose of this letter – I know a thing or two about marketing and a thing or two about management; hence some advice is due:

1) There is a huge difference between a manager and a leader; one gets lost in the minute particles of the day to day operations while the other is blessed with vision. I have been watching you stumble and lose vision. What is the vision of OTV? What is its mission? Who is your target audience? Why are you in business? If, as a viewer, I cannot identify your competitive edges, then you have lost your way. I played a mapping game with my students in class and they could not position OTV.

2) Leaders invest in their teams while managers milk their staff. I will not talk about your presenters here; I will talk about me – a guest. What was threatening about me growing and shooting other programs? A true leader would have seen this as an asset to the show. My success as a writer, trainer, presenter, or whatever job I do will only add to my role on OTV. But … yeah … no one will become a star on your account!

3) Leaders are accessible to their teams while managers hide behind closed doors and procedures. I did not backstab you when I took part in another program. I presented my idea to the producer who presented it to your head of production and for some reason the answer I got was: “we are sorry. We have no budget. Good luck.” I clearly explained that I will pitch the idea to someone else and again I was wished good luck. If you did not know that story, then you have an internal communication problem. If you knew it, then you had no right to look upset when I finished shooting the show and scream exclusivity.

4) Leaders welcome information whereas managers walk around with their ears and eyes wide shut. I tried to call you to tell you that rumor has it that you instructed your producers not to host any veiled girls on their shows if and whenever possible. I have nothing against the principle but when I learnt of several incidents where the guest was brushed off because she was veiled, then it was my duty to let you know and you should have listened in private to what I am now telling you in public. Those guests are talking and now there is a huge question mark about the intentions and the direction of your channel.

5) Last but not least, the idea of exclusivity on guests is not very bright. I am sure you know that by now. Successful businesses operate on win-win situations but you thought you controlled all the strings! To add insult to injury, you gave me 24 hours to make up my mind or else I will be kicked out of heaven! When I asked about what was in it for me, I was told that I got to be on TV … how lame?!! When I asked for more time and more money in return for my undivided commitment, I got a semi termination of services email … how professional!! Did it even occur to you that I passed on all events and commitments on Sundays because of my segment … because I gave you my word … but again ... why would you care?

Yes, I am angry, sad, bitter, pissed off, and offended … but now that this is off my chest … I can resume with my life while you try to keep your head above the water.

Yours truly,
Marwa Rakha