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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Women are like Ducks!

A few years back Shania Twain inspired me to sketch an analogy between men and shoes. At the time, I had settled for a very wrong pair of shoes; uncomfortable from the start, though highly maintained, they lost their allure as time passed, and I realized that I have invested a fortune of emotions into a fake, yet well polished pair of mismatched sneakers. Today, for no justified reason, I decided to come clean with a new confession; women are like ducks. When I look at women, instead of faces, I see ducks. There are several categories of ducks in my world; wild ducks, stuffed ducks, black ducks, and sitting ducks. There are pure, hybrid, and deformed breeds of ducks … Let me illustrate to give you a better idea.

Wild ducks are fearless spirits, risk-takers, and trend-setters. In the prairie, among beasts they live, yet highly respected and well positioned. No one dares pluck their feathers, tame, mold, frame, or domesticate them. Those creatures are often criticized, rejected, and resisted but it never makes them any weaker or milder. Whether other ducks look up to them or look down on them, they just cannot be as wild or as free. Unlike black ducks, they know who they are, what they want, and where they want to go. Wild ducks end on a plate only if shot dead or ambushed.

At the other extreme, black ducks are outcasts; like their market value, their self esteem, and their social acceptance are low. Their flaw could be related to their physique, social disposition, spiritual inclination, tarnished reputation, or unheard of ideas. Black ducks are sentenced to a lifetime of isolation and alienation – and it hurts them. A black duck wants to be unnoticed, unheard, unseen, and, in a way, invisible. They are the geeks, the nerds, and the pimple-faced teenagers that never grow into anything more assertive. Since the men of this world are not blessed with insight into their souls, black ducks, end up alone or on the plate of an equal male outcast. Being a black duck is a stigma that neither time nor blood could erase.

Going down the ladder, stuffed ducks are a delight to look at and a pleasure to feast over. They are perfect for social occasions and for showing off purposes – each man on the table has a stuffed duck on his plate! Being full of rice, onions, and any leftovers in the fridge, stuffed ducks look bigger and better than other ducks – posh and grand. They lure men by their big bloated over-fed over-exposed over-stuffed appearance only to give them, instead of nourishing meat, a plate full of constipating legumes. Needless to say, one can only handle that much of stuffed fowl. Their mission in life is to look good – and stuffed! Stuffed ducks land on the plate of whoever pays more.

Sitting ducks are pathetically lovely; you can caress them, fondle them, shoot them, cook them, stuff them, or cage them. They are tame, demure, docile, and disciplined. Sitting ducks are anything but confrontational – they will whine, complain, and bitch about something to everyone and anyone but their offender. Sitting ducks have neither flying abilities nor argumentative capabilities; they are an easy catch, a quick dump, and a perfect emotional punching bag. They do not land on a man’s plate; they end up in his fridge for use when there is no other food on his table – sitting ducks are always taken for granted and never appreciated.

Our culture encourages sitting ducks, exiles wild ducks, despises black ducks, and craves for stuffed ducks, but pure breeds are rare nowadays; for example, I am a hybrid of wild and black ducks- and that says it all about me. Men drool over the offspring of crossbreeding stuffed ducks and sitting ducks; such ducklings fit all the molds of our patriarchal society. Some men are stupid enough to think that they can turn a wild duck into a sitting duck, or even worse, turn a black duck into a stuffed duck. The most hazardous type is a mix of wild ducks and stuffed ducks; they think they rule the word.

Continuing the bird analogy, I would classify swans, ostriches, and birds of prey as deformed breeds. Swans are the vain girls who do not practice what they preach; they claim to be on a high ethical pedestal when their feet are in deep mud. Ostriches burry their heads in the sand thinking they outsmarted everyone when they are nothing but blind, stupid, and ignorant. They easily point out the flaws in others, and because their heads are in the sand, they believe that no one could see their flaws. Hawks are a carnivorous strain of women that feeds on its own friends and loved ones. They are full of envy, venom, evil, and have zero tolerance and no resilience. Multiple deformities occur but the outcome is a creature that is, at best, disgusting.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

ya battah.....hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa....
ramadan kareem....
gawa3teeny....

Amr El Doudani said...

Hi Marwa,actually it is nice post" women are like ducks!". when u are talking about the stuffed duck, you will trigger the anger of many women, yet Men like such stuff duck. But, a question? what u call yourself :)? in which type u like to be? Sorry, which duck are u?

Amr

Muhammad Aladdin said...

"Swans are the vain girls who do not practice what they preach; they claim to be on a high ethical pedestal when their feet are in deep mud."
such novelty and cruelty in an idea like that.
Anyhow, I did like the article, ya did a very well job indeed. And as as a male and as a writer I'd be fascinated by wild/stuffed ducks, and either as man and as a writer I'd go for the wild/black ducks.. (not flirting.. anyway the libra is flirting by nature! lol).

I enjoyed reading it, and, with a grand huge sum of narcissism, that's VERY rare to happen
:)
thanks a bunch


Al

Fantasia said...

I totally agree. I'm the same type as you. I get many fans who gather around thinking I'm the stuffed duck, but when they stick around long enough, they just can't take the idea that their judgement was wrong. They always try to make me turn into any other sort of duck. When they fail, they still can't admit that they're looking for others kinds. They just accuse you of being stiff and unwilling to change. LOL

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello Fantasia ... sorry I took forever .... more action is going on on facebook ... feel free to join:) - just send me a note saying it is you:)

Let's face it .. whether we are stuffed, wild, black, or sitting .. we will always appeal to men and we will always confuse them .... but the worst thing ever is to try to change us into something that we are not.