Published in Identity Magazine - June 2015
I'd like to remain anonymous.
This is my story,
I once loved a guy 7 years ago, and we dated in summer of 2009 for a few months, and we broke up. Then we dated again in the summer of 2010, however we also broke up; and never spoke again. I don't remember the reason why we broke up twice before.
In 2012, we started talking and I found out he was getting married, and we didn't talk again until 2014. When we talked, I found out he got a divorce, and life took us away again from each other until February 2015. Since, then we've been talking everyday, and my feelings towards him are starting to come back.
I decided to confront him, so I told him, I'm starting to love you again, and I want to know if you will ever have feelings for me again, so I don't end up getting attached to you for no reason.
His reply was lets go out to talk about it and then he said, everything is possible, but now because of my divorce, I'm putting off getting into a relationship for a while. We went a few times since then, and he never brought up the topic again, and I never did as well.
Please let me know what I should do, and do you think there is hope for us to end up together or should I just let this go?
One sentence stood out in your message and it has the key to your dilemma! You said: “I don’t remember the reason we broke up twice before.” Your history with this man says:
- You like him more than he likes you
- You see him as a husband but he does not share the same vision
- He likes your company but there is something about you that puts him off; it could be related to your character, lifestyle, or physical appearance.
- You are not compatible; this is why you broke up twice and keep drifting apart.
Do you want to know if there is hope or not,
- Does he call you? Or are you the one initiating the calls and he just picks up or returns your calls?
- When you talk over the phone, how does he sound? Is he excited, lively, and talkative?
- When you talk over the phone, what is the main thing you talk about? Does he eagerly and keenly ask about your day and its details? Or is he just unloading his burdens, complaints, and aches?
- When you meet, what do his eyes look like? Does he look have a “fish-eye” look? Do his eyes look cold and dead? Does he look at you? Does he gaze? Do you lock eyes with him? Are you comfortable looking into one another’s eyes?
- When he smiles, which part of his face smiles? Do his eyes light up when he smiles? Do you see his teeth when he smiles? Do you like the way he smiles at you?
- When you talk, are you really, deeply, and truly talking? Or do you feel that the words you exchange are just noises lost in the universe!
- When you are sitting together, where are his shoulders? Facing you? Tilted slightly? He is just looking at you with his head and his whole body is not facing you?
I know that my questions sound weird, but this is how you know if a man wants to be with you or not! There is a difference between a man who is fully open to the idea of the two of you being together, and a man who is bored and broken.
My advice, as always, is: don’t settle, don’t compromise, don’t sell your love cheap, and don’t waste your time!