Egyptian FE-Mail

Friday, March 6, 2009

Flush

He told me that I needed to meditate and that if I looked inside me I would find all the answers, the cure, and the strength that I needed. I was curled at the far end of the sofa at the far end of the room at the far end away from the light. He told me that I looked old and defeated when only a few days ago I was glowing. I wanted to tell him what happened. I needed to open up. He told me that I was my own healer and left me to face my demons. I have never meditated before but I took endless trips down the abyss of my darkness and back. I have friends and they would be more than happy to listen but what good would it do when I knew that he was right – I am my own healer. No one could help me .... ever!

I switched off all the lights. Everything was on mute. I stretched on the sofa, and as I looked at the ceiling my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I could see my hand reaching out to me in the black bubble. I took a deep breath and dove into the darkness within me. Waves of anger and sorrow took turns tossing and turning me. I fell off the sofa. I was stuck between the sofa and the wooden table in the center of my living room. My back was to the sofa. My feet were on the carpet. My knees were against the wooden table. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

I am a toilet.

The ocean scent of the freshener, the little bubbles of blue water, the spotless clean porcelain, and luminous reflections on the oval seat – I am a beige toilet. A dark shadow hung over me like a ghost from the past. It came closer until I could no longer see the light. An Ass. Shit. More shit. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. No! No! Don’t throw toilet paper! No! No! Don’t clog me! Oh No! Please don’t throw the cigarette. What now?! A fountain of pee … he peed all over me. I was crying lest my tears flush away the stains. I reached out for the flush. I flushed. It’s still there. I was sobbing as I flushed again. The cigarette butt was turning into some spongy material ... then I flushed ... The toilet paper softened until it melted in my gutters … and I flushed … In the abyss of my darkness I flushed loads of shit, pee, paper, and cigarette butts. Fresh water ... new bubbles ... the pee was gone.

I opened my eyes. My legs hurt and I needed to stretch out of the toilet. I felt a bit better but I knew that my trip was not over. I lay on the carpet looking at the ceiling in the darkness. I closed my eyes and began feeling the velvet plush of its surface when my fingers suddenly felt a cold sticky pile move underneath my hand. Worms. I could see them; fat black sickle-shaped disgusting creatures crawling all over me. I tried to move but I was paralyzed. I wanted to scream but my lips were glued to one another. I wanted to push them away but my hands were stitched to the carpet. I was crucified. I could not even cry. I took little breaths for fear of sucking the worms into my system. I was gasping for air. I could have snapped out of it but I was intent on continuing the trip. I wanted to hit rock bottom. I wanted the anger to go away.

Light. A little light coming from the doorway. Here I am looking so wise and so content and there I was on the carpet buried in worms and decay. I watched myself walk past my corpse towards the terrace; I pulled the curtains to the side, opened the window, and let the sunlight fill the room. I know those rainbow drops. I have seen them before. The sun blew me a kiss. I kneeled over myself and my light embraced my darkness. The worms vanished. The pain vanished. The anger vanished. I hugged the inside of me. I am healed.

Flush …. One more time …. Flush … get out of my system … flush … I looked at the sky and welcomed a new beginning. On the floor I rested my exhausted body as I watched leaves grow on my barren trees outside. Colorful flowers blossomed where winter left its cruel print. I wore a necklace of beaded Jasmine and let its scent fill my lungs … I miss my grandfather. I turned to the side and opened my eyes. My trip came to an end. Two wide green eyes and a furry face were staring back at me. I could swear I saw him smile. I smiled back and hugged his warm unconditional love.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

مقالات مروة رخا لمجلة احنا و أخبار أخرى

Hi again:)

Latest News:

I now write the relationships page for Al Balagh newspaper (صفحة مع مروة رخا بجريدة البلاغ)
Click here to watch the pilot episode of my new program Tadweena تدوينة

Interesting Links:
The Interviews section on marwarakha.com is working .. have a look
My book The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt is now on Amazon .... spread the word:)
Buy The Poison Tree on Amazon.com
Click here: I uploaded my interview on Nile Life برنامج كل ليلة
Click here: I uploaded my interview on Dream TV برنامج شبابيك

Click here: my posts for Global Voices

Mark your calendars

Every Monday ... I am on After Dark with Erin on Nile FM 104.2 from 10pm to 12midnight (Email me your problems or suggestions). Show is in English and you can listen to us live on http://www.nilefmonline.com/

Every Sunday & Wednesday ... I am on Radio Horytna with Yassmin Yassin from 6pm to 7pm (Email me your problems or suggestions). Show is in Arabic and you can listen to us live on http://www.horytna.net/

I wrote some controversial articles for Campus:

Monday, March 2, 2009

Full Pilot Episode تدوينة

الحلقة الكاملة هنا
http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=32&p2_articleid=288
Here are the blogs I mentioned:
Sami Ben Gharbia
Al Khoga Ethar El Katatney
Noha Atef
Asser Yasser Mohamed Hamdy Eman Hashim
Solana Larsonand an interview with Tarek Amr (Change the Channel)

محتاجة رأى المدونين و المدونات بشدة

ده بايلوت لبرنامجى الجديد عن المدونين و المدونات ... عايزة رأيكم يا جماعة و شاركوا اللينك مع باقى المدونين و قولوا لى ممكن يبقى أحسن ازاى
http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=32&p2_articleid=287

This is the pilot episode of my new program تدوينة please have a look and let me know your feedback and suggestions ... share the link with Arabic speaking bloggers to get more feedback before I proceed

http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=32&p2_articleid=287

Sunday, February 22, 2009

مروة رخا و ياسمين ياسين و حلقات جديدة من بحبك فيك إيه؟ على راديو حريتنا

مروة رخا و ياسمين ياسين و حلقات جديدة من بحبك فيك إيه؟ على راديو حريتنا

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة الثامنة و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن صعوبة الاعتذار و الاعتراف بالخطأ

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=273

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2028.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة السابعة و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن كيمياء الحب و الحب بيحصل ازاى؟
القلب عضلى بتضخ دم و بس ... الحب كيمياء من المخ

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=272

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2027.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة السادسة و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن عيد الحب او يوم الفالانتاين
لو انت سينجل و مش مرتبط ... اكتئاب عيد الحب ... المبالغة فى الاحتفال بعيد الحب ... الكيتش على رأى صديقى المدون محمد الكومى

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=271

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2026.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة الخامسة و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن الجنون
بحب فيك جنونك و بحب فيكى جنونك

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=260

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2025.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة الاربعة و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" و كوكتيل
الحلقة دى هيكون محوارها الأساسى هو مشاكلكم

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=259

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2024.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة الثالثة و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن ازاى تفهم حبيبك

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=258

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2023.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة الاتنين و عشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن الاحلام المشتركة

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=257

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2022.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة الواحد و العشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن الاحساس بالامان

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=256

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2021.rar

مروة رخا مع ياسمين ياسين و الحلقة العشرين من برنامج "بحب فيك ايه" عن الاعتناء بالنفس من بره و من جوه

Listen: http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=30&p2_articleid=254

Download: http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2020.rar

حلقات سابقة للتحميل

الحلقة الـ19
2009-1-14
حلقة الإجابة على إستفساراتكوا
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2019.rar

الحلقة الـ18
(المشاركة فى الحب)
2009-1-4
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2018.rar

الحلقة الـ17
(أمنيات 2009)
2008-12-31
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2017.rar

الحلقة الـ16
(التسامح فى الحب)
2008-12-28
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2016.rar

الحلقة الـ15
(الصبر فى الحب)
2008-12-24
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2015.rar

الحلقة الـ14
(الكرم فى الحب)
2008-12-17
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2014.rar

الحلقة الـ13
(الإهتمام فى الحب)
2008-12-14
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2013.rar

الحلقة الـ12
(الصدق و الكذب فى الحب)
2008-11-26
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2012.rar

الحلقة ال11
(الإخلاص و الخيانة فى الحب)
2008-11-19
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2011.rar

الحلقة العاشرة
بحب فيك رومانسيتك
2008-11-16
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2010.rar

الحلقة التاسعة
(بحب فيك(ى) إنك
(open minded !!
2008-11-12
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2009.rar

الحلقة الثامنة
(بحب فيك رجولتك ، بحب فيكى أنوثتك)
2008-11-9
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2008.rar

الحلقة السابعة
(الاعتماد على الطرف الآخر)
2008-11-5
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2007.rar

الحلقة السادسة
(الفخر فى الحب)
2008-11-2
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2006.rar

الحلقة الخامسة
(الإحتواء فى الحب)
2008-10-26
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2005.rar

الحلقة الرابعة
(الإحترام و التقدير فى الحب)
2008-10-22
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2004.rar

الحلقة الثالثة
(الصراحة فى الحب)
2008-10-19
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2003.rar

الحلقة الثانية
(الثقة فى الحب)
2008-10-15
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2002.rar

الحلقة الأولي
(فتاة و فارس الأحلام)
2008-10-12
http://www.horytna.net/downloads/tracks/Horytna%20-%20Ba7ab%20Feek%20Eh%2001.rar

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Hell of a Marriage

Back in March 2007, I wrote here – on that very same page – on the issue of early divorces:

The men and women who shared with me their sob stories are victims of our society. The double standards that they are brought up to adopt create what we call in business, an execution gap. There is a big void between where we really are and where we want to be; what we want and what we have; how we feel and how we act. We drown in an abyss of deluding illusions, unrealistic expectations, fake emotions, consuming demands, and the inevitable frustration. We get married for the wrong reasons; we mistake lust for love and confuse stability with stagnation. Mothers are over protective as though they want to suck us back into their wombs. Fathers discriminate between their sons and daughters. Women do not practice what they preach; they sing to the deaf ears of their male counterparts. Men do not meet the promises they make; they play to the sensitive tunes of the female vulnerability. Traditions, manners, taboos, and religion mix in one melting pot that defines stereotyped outlines for our ideal character and our perfect mate. We are dictated the answers to all the quizzes but we are left to face the final tests alone – we fail with flying colors.

Are there “wrong” reasons for marriage? No!

Read why and how

Ask Marwa: My mom is prettier than I am

Dear Marwa

I have a huge problem that is making me miserable. I wish I was never born. Would you believe me if I told you that my mom is the cause of my misery? I will tell you why; my mom is gorgeous. She is this beautiful tall model-looking blond whereas I look like my dad. I am not ugly but next to my mom I look like a dull ordinary girl. When my friends meet her, they do not believe that I am the daughter of this pretty woman. They ask me why I look nothing like her.

The guys at school, instead of showering me with compliments, the first thing they tell me is how wonderful my mom looks. I was performing in a play at school and she stole my light just by showing up. I am beginning to feel jealous of her and I asked her not to pick me up from school again. I do not want to go into details about what happens on the beach, at weddings, or even while walking with her on the street. I love her but her presence hurts me.

The ugly duckling

Read my reply

Ask Marwa: Was it love?

Hello Marwa,

I am a 24 year old female who works for a reputable company. Two years ago, I fell in love with a colleague. I was attracted to his wonderful character and religious sense in addition to his gentlemanliness. The problem is that during that period, he never stated directly and frankly to me that he loves me, but his eyes were saying it and the birthday party that he prepared for me said it too. Anyway, I waited and waited, but no step was taken from his side and I got engaged to someone I don't know through an arranged marriage.

My fiancée loved me a lot, but I could not love him at all. Actually, I hated everything about him; he was a smoker and I hate smokers and he watches pornography and whenever we were together in the club or in a cafe, he did not miss any chance to look at and comment on any female. After six months, my fiancée got a job abroad and I only saw him online. After another six months, I received an SMS from the colleague that I was in love with saying "I know it took me too long to say it but I love you so much."

In a minute, everything that I felt or though that I felt for my fiancée vanished. I could only think of my colleague and how long I waited for him to declare his love for me. I took the decision to leave my fiancée and break up the engagement one month before my wedding. My loving colleague was supposed to come back to Egypt at the end of the year in which all of these events happened (2007). We were talking on the phone everyday in a very respectable manner (nothing beyond I love you and I miss you was said and that is why I loved him so much.)

However, two weeks before his flight to Egypt, we stopped communicating, I don't know how it happened, but it happened. Then he called me to tell me that financially speaking we will not be able to be together in spite of the fact that I was ready to live in any level just to be with him and I offered to buy us an apartment here in Egypt. He sent me an SMS to wish me a better future and he left me. I heard nothing about him since then.I do not know if money was the real problem or there was something else. Was he getting back at me for getting engaged and leaving him? But I did not do so; he was the one who did not do anything or take any step.

My questions are: Was I mistaken to leave my fiancée? Did that colleague deserve that sacrifice (if you knew that my fiancée's financial conditions were great)? Was I really in love?

Badly Hurt

Read my reply

Dear MAN - Where are you?

Dear MAN
I have searched hundreds of faces looking for you.
I have been to too many places but where are you?
In my heart I have carried a love too strong;
for the one man in whose arms I belong.
I once gave up … forgive my despair;
Ups and downs … my heart I did impair.
My wounds have healed;
My heart is no longer sealed.
Come into my life for I am ready.
Don’t let go … trust me I am ready.
I will close my eyes and count to three;
I will open my heart and set you free.
If you are really mine you will come back to me;
or I will know that we were never meant to be.

Read the letter

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Asser's Harassers - Egyptian blogger violated

Asser Yasser is an Egyptian female blogger who recently moved to Mokattam area with her family. Her maid complained of how she got harassed on the street on her way to or from Asser's home. Her 15 year old niece who lives with them complained of the violating words that she gets bombarded with on her way to and fom school. And one day Asser made a horrible mistake and decided to walk to a kiosk 200 meters away from home to buy her kids some candy. How dare she walk in the street? How dare she leave her car behind?

On her way home, some teenagers in parked cars that reeked of hash used cuss words, followed her, tried to grab her, encircled her with their vehicles, and the poor woman and her niece felt trapped. People looked from their balconies and no one lifted a finger to help her. She called the police from her mobile phone as she stood there in utter terror and shortly after officer Mohab came to her rescue. He was almost run down by the fleeing cars. One guy stayed behind and said that he was not involved and that he was only watching from his car. Asser Identified him as one of the harassers and they all went to the station to file a formal report.

It got more interesting when the father of the 19 year old harasser snaped at Asser telling her to pick on someone her age. The father did not see or realize the gravity of what his son did. Now the father, the officers, and many others are begging Asser to drop the charges for the sake of the "poor kid's" future.

Bloggers tell her not to ....
Memebers of Kolena Laila tell her not to ...
I personally tell her not to .... it is her right ... it is our right to walk in the street feeling some sort of security ... the harasser and his friends did not think of their futures when they were getting high, when they violated her, or when she begged them to spare someone the age of their mother. No Asser ... do not give in to pressure

Egyptian FE-Mail

مونتيسوري مصر

مشاكل القراء المسجلة

مبادرة مروة رخا للنشر الالكترونى

Delivered to your Doorstep

Friday, March 6, 2009

Flush

Thursday, March 5, 2009

مقالات مروة رخا لمجلة احنا و أخبار أخرى

Monday, March 2, 2009

Full Pilot Episode تدوينة

محتاجة رأى المدونين و المدونات بشدة

Sunday, February 22, 2009

مروة رخا و ياسمين ياسين و حلقات جديدة من بحبك فيك إيه؟ على راديو حريتنا

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Hell of a Marriage

Ask Marwa: My mom is prettier than I am

Ask Marwa: Was it love?

Dear MAN - Where are you?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Asser's Harassers - Egyptian blogger violated

Marwa Rakha

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