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Friday, August 24, 2007

I am half a woman!

Between the excitement of a new job and the weight of its big responsibilities, I found the time to meet up with my friend D one evening right after work. We were both run down but we were longing for the tête a tête girly chat. I seated myself in front of her, laid my exhausted body on the chair, and ordered all the comfort food on the menu. From the work round-up to the social gossip, we jumped from one topic to the other laughing and giggling like school girls at a slumber party. We suddenly stopped talking when the couple on the adjacent table received their check. The girl looked from the check to the ceiling and seemed to trace an invisible fly. Her partner looked at the check, hesitantly put his hand in his pocket, took two or three 10 pound bills, put them on the tray, and then pushed the tray – with the check – towards the girl with a cough – and probably a kick in her leg. The girl let go of her imaginary friend, looked at the check, curled her lower lip, threw a few more bills on the tray, and stood up. There was no eye-contact between them as she took her purse and sped up towards the door – the guy was two steps behind. D and I looked at one another and laughed.

“Do you think they will last?” I asked her innocently.
“He is half a man.” D replied with a solemn face.
“He did not do anything wrong” I said, “Sharing the bill is perfectly normal. They
both seem young and most probably he could not afford it.”

D totally disagreed with me; she told me that she would never respect a man who would let her pick up the check, or half of the check. D believed that if a man were to take a girl out on a date, or an outing, he has to be a man about it; “It is an honor for him to have the pleasure of her company and a real man would never let a girl pay a penny – especially if they were more than casual friends.” I was not sure what to think … I never gave that particular issue any thought. I have always felt obliged to reach out to my purse, even if the man said he would pay. Now that I am thinking about it, I tend to believe that somewhere deep down, I feel that if I did not share, I have somehow betrayed myself as though I am allowing him to buy part of me, not my dinner or lunch. D’s perspective runs deeper than that.

“A man should be responsible and a responsible man takes total and utter care of the needs of his woman.”
I interrupted D asking “Do those needs include her clothes, makeup, accessories, and other luxuries?”
“Yes of course!” D corrected me. “Let’s assume that I am married to a man, and we decided to travel, do you think I will pay for my ticket, accommodation, and food?”
I had no reply – I really never thought about it.
“If I want to throw a party for our family or friends, do you expect me to share?”
Again, I had a blank face.
“Do you think I should pay the electricity bill if he pays for the other utilities?”
“I guess it is normal” I finally replied “you do work after all.” I thought I had an argument until I heard her reply.
“I work for my own reasons, be it self actualization or entertainment, and no decent man will accept to take any of my money.”
I thought of my mom, and said “but it is your house and you are sharing.”
“Sharing? This is not fair! I am sharing his responsibilities but is he sharing mine?”
“In what sense?” I was not sure I was getting her point.
“A man should bring the money, put food on the table, pay the bills, and give me my pocket money. A woman, on the other hand, should make sure the money is well spent, the food on the table is cooked, the house is clean, the kids are brought up well, and the man is comfortable and taken care of. By sharing my salary, I am taking part of his load off his shoulders. Will he share my load too, or will he still expect to be served and obeyed?”
She saw my perplexed face and continued saying “most men nowadays want the woman to share his burdens along with her initial responsibility. If this was a company, and they were equal shareholders, using my logic, his share would be 25%. Now why would I want a man who is in this lifetime partnership with 25%? Why would I want to be with half a man?”
I resorted to the stuttering economy and the expensive cost of living saying “very few men now can take full care of the financial responsibilities. You might never get married D.”
“Let’s assume once again that I did not meet my Mr. Real Man, and let’s assume that I grew to like one of the current “half men”, then his shares in this partnership do not grant him neither a superior word nor an upper hand. It is only fair and natural that if he is half a man, he deserves half a woman.”
I had one last question for D “If you were to get married to a “real man” as per your classification, would you fully give in to his wishes and commands?”
“Give me examples” D exclaimed.
“If he does not want you to go out, or if he does not like an outfit, a friend, or anything you want to do, will you do as he says?” I seemed to gasp for air just thinking of the possibility of a man holding my reign.
“Yes … I will … He earned it and I owe it to him.” D concluded.

Ok then, I am half a woman … I want to have a higher vote … I do not want to owe this kind of obedience to a man … and please … please do not start the religion argument with me!


askandarani said...

mmmm, meaning if i am a complete man, this will make me "own" a woman. no thank you, D is meshayesa, those times are bye bye and even if a man is a “full” man a true man wont accept such a trade off.

I am not married, but I believe marriage is about finding a common ground of understanding an agreed upon partnership cause when the shit hits the fan there are no winners.

askandarani said...

yahhhh, u moderated the comments :-(

this is sad :-(( cause this idicates people miss used their rights and u got hurt

Easily Brused said...

LOOOOOL, D is great, but please ask her, would any "Real Man" appreciate her aspect?! I guess not, and he will treat her like See El Sayed. The word is always HIS. :) but still I do respect her mind so much. After all, she is better than any one of us "Girls" she knows how to deal with her future husband. Please, give her my best regards. Me

Fido dido said...

half a woman ,actually i would say u free woman because i can not find any relationship between who pay and being MAN or WOMAN, ya i know here in egypt we raised up that man should pay and woman should obey but is that pay for man give him full control over woman i think not and there are many examples for this in egypt. i think there is no full control between Man and woman because if there is control for actions is there any control for thoughts or love and heat we escape from our responsibilities with this matters. but actually the most thing make me think is if that the opinion of girl or (lady) well educated and deal with others all the day so what will be the thought of ordinary woman in street,don't have the same education or standard of living.marawa i think that if u need to understand those matters you said in your article just look at what is the education effect on woman thoughts, and men also.at last i really need to know your opinion in those words i have say. smile for life :)

Anonymous said...

And how is she imagining fulfilling her responsibilities towards raising a family if she is working and raising her own money? If she says yes; he pays for 100% of the family’s need while she cooks, clean ,have kids, raise kids, guide kids until they grow up, find time to communicate and share love and passion with all family members (including her man!!), and at the same time work and raise money!!. Either she is confused, or your mother and mine had a lot of free time on their hands doing these tasks while not working and raising money!! ? To me those were full women.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello everyone .. I am so sorry I did not reply to your comments earlier. I was busy and had zero clarity of mind .. then I traveled and had no energy.

I will start now with Askandarani:)

Yes I use now comment moderation because people who have nothing better to do posted crap on my blog.

As for your opinion of D ... D does not want a man to own her .. this was my interpretation of her words .. she just wanted a man who would be fully responsible of her .. she wanted the emotional and financial security that such a man has to offer and in return she will give him all the obedience and care he wants.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hey Easily Bruised ... I know why you like D's perspective:)

See El Sayed is not what she wants ... she does not want to be bossed around by an insensitive jerk (this is who see el sayed is) .. she wants the man who deserves the great love she has to offer.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello Fido Dido .. I know you got worried about me .. thanks for the note (that I did not publish)

Yes I am a free woman .. actually a free spirit .. since I was a kid the slightest orders and diciplines suffocated me .. I always wanted to have my way and to fly.

As for the relationship between who pays and men and women ... it is a very strong relationship ... even in movies, the person with the higher financial power ends up being the person with the upper hand in the relationship:)

In Egypt, regardless of who pays, we are taught to obey! A woman has to obey her man even he is a pathetic self indulgent loser.

"If you love me you will do as I say" ... how many times have this statement been used in an attempt to control a man or a woman?

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi anonymous .. D is more than willing to stop working and be a wife and a mother .. do you want to meet her?:)

Anonymous said...

She is a bit late Marwa I'm married. If what you say is not meant to be sarcastic I agree with D; He (the man/husband)leads and becomes fully responsible for her and she perform her role (even if she works) with full love (not blind obedience). In this case no issue of half man,half woman, but successful company. To add to your headech check this site" savethemales.ca". Cheers

Marwa Rakha said...

LOL I was not being sarcastic ... her loss:)

Anonymous said...

hi M, i'm here for D, i can meet her but not before july,08. just ask her...... ur loss i guess....

Mo'men said...

I feel sorry for your "D" friend.

I doubt she'll find what she wants in man , whatever fraction he represents.

"please do not start the religion argument with me!"
mmmm .. i won't, but i'd love to hear your thought on THAT perspective.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi anonymous:) Let me know if you need me to put in a good word for you:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Mo'men ... D is the luckiest girl I have seen when it comes to men ... they are her slaves .. no matter who is the man:)

Religion .... pass on the argument:)

Anonymous said...

it does not matter.... i expect ur word.... but i hope u regret one day..... good luck ....we.... rabena yehdy ya pasha...

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

i am glad to be half a woman, and i would be lovingly share my life with the so called half a man, if these are the criteria

i love it when we use to share everything, and i hate it when he insisted to pay for everything... common i work, i have money, why not spend it for our own pleasure ... besides, i wouldnt ever give my full control to anyone no matter how much i love him ...

economic wise; as askandarani said ... those days are bye bye... now we are living in days that both should help each other.

yay!! i am half a woman and i am proud of that

ياسمين شعيتو said...

lol!! That last sentence cracked me up:D

I'm half a woman two, but i think i'm on the other pole.