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Saturday, September 1, 2007

Why put all your eggs in one basket!


Many a time have I written about relationships; our feminine mazes that confuse men and the masculine traps that capture our hearts. This is still by far the most difficult article I have ever written. I am about to advocate something that I have never believed in. Actually, I am on the verge of stabbing a deeply rooted belief in our multi-layered culture. The same girl that, given a chance, would have poisoned every man or woman who accepted getting into an open relationship - that very same girl - is about to cross out monogamous relationships and validate having multiple partners. To save face, I will refer to monogamy as “vertical relationships”, and “horizontal relationships” are to be synonymous with polygamy - I am still having psychological barriers with the word!

Let me start by defining the two terms. Vertical relationships mean that you are in a relationship with one person whom you get to know, understand, appreciate, and love by time. This is a type of relationships that involves a lot of trust, dependability, possessiveness, and depth. If you are in a vertical relationship, you invest deeply and seriously in the relationship and in the partner - you put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. If that basket falls, your losses are countless. “Your eggs” in horizontal relationships are randomly distributed in several baskets; you do not place all your bets on one horse and your investments are diversified to secure you from bankruptcy. Horizontal relationships are neither fake nor superficial; they are just not deep enough to cause serious damage should someone try to pull your tooth out.

Like my multiple careers, I began juggling multiple partners. I have always complained of the scarcity of good men, yet I found myself attracted to four men at the same time. They have nothing in common but me. I have grown to like them as individuals and to appreciate what each one brings into my life. The intensity that used to ruin my previous vertical relationships is now working in favor of my horizontal relationships. To the four, I am never too available, too focused, too critical, or too demanding simply because what one man lacks the other fulfills and I feel loved and cared for all the time. Moreover, when one man slouches, instead of reprimanding him, as I used to, I would just give more room for the other three to fill in the void that was left behind – and there is room for more.

But before you go ahead and embark on one of those awesome horizontal relationships, you need to know the pros, the cons, and the rules. I have spent enough time analyzing my new experience and I will gladly share with you my findings. Uphill, you will never need to depend on the presence or absence of one person in your life. You will never feel lonely, bored, hurt, insulted, or cheated, and you will never have to spend another weekend alone. You will always have a date, and worst case scenario, you will always have an email, a text message, or a phone call to put a smile on your face. You will never look like a famished Somali kid in front of an open buffet. Basically, you will be happy! Downhill, if you are not the organized type, you will suffer stress, overlapping schedules, exhaustion, and the wear and tear of your mind trying to cope with the constant change. If you are the melancholic type, you will long for the intimacy the builds up in vertical relationships. If you are the committed type, this will not work for you!

But if you want this to work, you must abide by the rules. Honesty is the first and foremost of all the rules; never lie about, or hide from, the fact that you are having multiple partners. Do as you would be done by – you are still an ethical person who does not step allover people in the name of horizontal relationships. Do not promise exclusivity when that is not the case. The second rule is an extension of the first rule; do not claim to enjoy horizontal relationships hoping to entrap a vertical partner. This strategy is doomed to backfire.

The backbone of this type of relationships is to truly, genuinely, and sincerely like your partners – all of them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Most of the time, people who are used to vertical relationships would like one partner and line up the others to fill in his shoes in case of absence or misconduct. This strategy is fatal; being with people you do not like, or with people you like half heartedly, will push you back forcibly into the arms of the one partner you like – and we all know how being clingy is inversely proportionate with being loved. Horizontal relationships are a great illustration of how the sum of the parts could be bigger than the whole; each one of your partners alone would make a wrong partner, but together their weaknesses seem to vanish with the sense of perfection they bring into your life.

I have always pleaded for equality, and it is only fair to remind you that you are free to come and go as you please and so are your partners. Every now and then you will feel a tingling sense of jealousy towards one of your partners but it is never as suffocating or as painful as the jealousy you feel towards your sole partner in vertical relationships. Were there a “flirting nerve” in our body, then this is the type of jealousy that triggers it. Horizontal relationships are, so far, liberating, fulfilling, pleasant, and they add a different flavor to each day. I broke the curse …. My men never lasted more than a month … my four men made it past the first month and some of them made it to two months … I am still experimenting with horizontal relationships and, as always, should I hit a brick wall, I will come back and spill my guts out ... until then … I will fly high.

28 comments:

askandarani said...

The greatest satisfaction comes from vertical relations, as well as the greatest heartbreak in case of loss. As time passes and u chk your investment u will find minimum return corresponding to the minimum effort, time……. etc exerted on each one alone. With time this wont be acceptable, with time we will all long for intimacy to fill the void inside us. With time again the sum of parts wont be greater than the whole. Good luck in vertical relations and ya rab the the juggling had taught you which ball u will hold on to.

Welcome back.

Fido Dido said...

W.B. marwa happy to read your posts and also your replies for comments. there is no need to thanks me for my post this why friends created for ;)
i love this topic actually u describe my relations. before i read your post i think that i'm only one think about relations like that. yes i have also horizontal relations nearly the same rules i use in my relations but i will tell u secret that i can not find this kind of relation useful. i'm unhappy with this kind of relations because it just look like takeaway food it is stop you hunger but u can not remember its taste. i believe that relation has taste you can feel it.other point u should take care about is hope from the other partner that u will be for him only in future.i have face this matter one time that girl has hope that we can be together in spite she know i have horizontal relations and she get hurt .i was really sorry for her but what can i do so take care of this hope.keep going in your relations and smile for life :)

Mo'men said...

I agree with askandarani

It’s like poker, you bet too high, you either win big or become flat broke (Vertical relationship)

On the other hand, if you bet low; or fairly moderate, you won’t loose that much but if you do win (definition needed), that’s your “kick” which is sadly; momentarily. (Horizontal relationship)

As unpleasant as the theory goes, it’s valid and – for some – justified. But a word of advice, never underestimate the power of time.

Great prose by the way :)

Anonymous said...

Horizontal relationship!!mmm. I guess this is the prognosis when each party is more interested in taking than giving.. If both sides are willing to share and give relationship will converge rather than diverge.

Arima said...

Excellent post! But I think horizontal relationships would be too tricky for me...interesting idea though :-)

Easily Bruised said...

Dear Marwa, Welcome Back! Don't you think that one day, horizontal relationships, would ever make you feel lonely deep inside, even with the presence of the 4 guys? Great post! Miss you...Me

Marwa Rakha said...

Askandarani ... who said anything about minimum effort and minimum time? Horizontal relationships are neither fake nor superficial .. it just helps you get what you want without pressuring people to give what they are not capable of ...

For example, If I want to eat out everyday ... and my vertical man cannot do that ... I can let him be ... not nag ... not complain ... and my horizontal men will meet my needs ... I know it sounds odd but I am still experimenting:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi Fido Dido:) One night stands are take away food ... but this is so so different .... you dine in .. but you do not dine in one restaurant all the time:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi Mo'men .... traditionally speaking, vertical relationships are accepted and horizontal relationships are frowned upon ... who put the rules ... I am not promoting adultry or promiscuous relations .... I am saying that we live once and we are entitled to even momentarily happiness as you put it:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Anonymous ... I wish you had a name:)

I fully agree ... all my men before were interested in taking than giving ... I am also interested in taking than giving ... this is wy horizontal relationships are working well for me - so far:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi Arima ... they are tricky and they are not fit for everyone ... I initiated the thought, and should I face difficulties or misfortune .. I will honestly share my findings:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Oh easily bruised ... your words are full of romance and dreaminess .. life does not work like that for me ... lonliness happens when you are empty from the inside ... and you are empty from the inside when you do not relate to your partner/s .... and in this relationship ... I like them all and there are touch points with each one .. I miss you too xx

Fantasia said...

I don't know if those can be called relationships, Marwa. I totally understand what you're advocating here. Seems like the ideal situation. Yet, neither what you share with each individual, nor with all four, can be described as a relationship. It can be a new dating strategy. But when it comes to having a relationship, your men will gradually decrease until there is only one.
It is a human folly, I have to agree. That you shall invest all your time, emotions and hopes in just one relationship. But it's the human nature after all. Seeking to gather pieces from different persons, is still vertical in my point of view. Yet instead of having a real partner, it is an imaginary one, the result of adding all four. In this case he's a person that doesn't exist.
I'm soooooo interested to know how things will turn out. Please keep us posted.

Fido dido said...

marwa yes different restaurants but same taste. i can not deny it give me some pleasure to discover new persons , new manner and habits but after long time u will need to stability. now we are in transient state as we called in electronics. as i told u i'm also like u have different horizontal relation but unhappy with these relations so what u can advise me to be happy.
p.s. don't include read your posts in advise because i'm already know it makes me happy :)

askandarani said...

haiiiiii, dont mix vertical with horizontal relations, else someone will get hurt.

Anonymous said...

i wish i were that guy with such woman.... have fun... i know u need it....

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/803062/maeve_quinlan/

SAMI said...

Horizontal relationships are working well for you ! May be you are dealing with weaker,less spohisticated types than you, and you find them a bit interesting here and possibly annoying there, that is why taking is the name of the game. On the other hand ,if you met an equal or my be slightly stronger type you most likely will be more giving.. thus, a vertical path good luck LOL.

Graffiti said...

Interesting views

Graffiti

Anonymous said...

http://www.businesstodayegypt.com/article.aspx?ArticleID=7331

this is for you....miss open minded..... hahahaaaaaaaaaaa

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello Fantasia:)

I agree with you that I created an imaginary person by mixing the four ... So far I am happy and satisfied ... I will keep you updated with the developments:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Your comment sounds upset askandarani. Hurting anyone is not my intention

أشرف حمدي said...

hope you visit my Blog
Have a nice day :)

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

I am glad you placed those warning ... the idea seems very interesting ... but as you said ,,, if i am of the committed person so no need to break many hearts

cant wait to know the result of the experiment

Fido dido said...

marwa kol sana we anteeeeeee tyba we ramadan kareeeeeeem :) hope u answer my post. i really need to know your opinion. :)

Anonymous said...

The fool says 'don't put all you eggs in one basket'; the wise man puts all his eggs in one basket and guards that basket closely.

- Warren Buffet

Anonymous said...

shelty blog el battah leeh ya battah..... hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Commander said...

How about polyandry - the female having multiple partners or polyamory - both sexes having multiple partners. Polygamy means that only the male gets multiple fun. PPPpptttt on that unfairness!! Polyamory covers all of us. Win, win. It isn't a new concept, the Oneida Community lived polyamorously in the US in the 1800s. (Not keen on their insisting that elders "teach" the pubescent, but thats altogether another story.) I wholeheartedly second the notion that all eggs in one basket is risky. Shared assets prevents us all from getting complacent and lazy.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hey trapped soul .... as long as you know where you stand and who you are then you are safe ... the worst thing is for you to deceive yourself into believing into something that you are not.
xx