Published in Identity Magazine, December 2015
Dear Marwa,
Three years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy and we disagreed on almost everything since our lifestyles were totally the opposite. Our life had turned into a huge mess; however, we extremely loved each other. Our relationship lasted for around a year. Later on, he got a job offer outside the country and asked me to marry him but I refused. My parents refused as well. I wasn’t sure at the time whether this would be the right person for me. He traveled abroad; I met other guys. But every time I went on a date with a guy, I just remembered him and compared him with the other guys. I thought it would be easy to move on, but apparently I couldn’t. I tried to contact him again and I found him living a great life. He told me that I wasn’t a supportive person and that he got over me. What can I do to just move on?
Dear Confused,
Here is the textbook reply for your question “What can I do to just move on?”
Cry and do not fight the pain, eventually you will find your way up once you have hit rock bottom.
Make new friends, talk to new people, go out to new places, travel, and avoid anything that reminds you of him.
Go to the gym because exercise will help your body release endorphins and this will give you a sense of happiness and satisfaction.
Learn something new; a new language, a new skill, or a new hobby.
Part with the memorabilia; gifts, letters, pictures, text messages, emails, and anything that you keep going back to remind you of how good it was and how great it could have been.
Get a pet; pets are a great recipient of your love and care, they will appreciate it and they will love you back! There is great satisfaction here.
If you have made mistakes in this relationship, write them down and work on yourself! Learn from the mistakes, and look forward to a wiser version of your kind self!
It is okay to be the bad girl! Party hard and hurt a couple of guys on your healing trip!
Dear Confused,
I have tried the textbook advice many times and it never worked the way I expected it to! Here is what really worked! I am sharing with you now my experience and sending you vibes of strength, confidence, and sister love!
Acknowledge the fact that you are aching over him now because you gave him that power to hurt you! You gave him power to hurt you when you overlooked his flaws, when you accepted his lack of respect, when you allowed him to step all over you, and when you trapped yourself in the wrong relationship! Withdraw that power now! Write down on a huge poster that he no longer has the power to hurt you!
Review the details of your relationship and write down every single mistake, disappointment, offence, or situation where he acted like a total jerk! Look at this list and tell yourself that those are the reasons why you are leaving him behind to sink into oblivion! Imagine him sinking and fading away! Imagine him drifting further back into the darkness of your unconsciousness! Let him fade away like a bad dream you just woke up from!
Think of him as a tree without a shadow! Who would sit under a tree that does not offer shelter or security? Think of all the sunstrokes and the sunburns that you will be getting by choosing to sit under that tree! Think of that miserable tree that has nothing to offer; no shade, no flowers, no fruits, no seeds, and no life!
The most important advice is to work on your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence! You deserve better! I am not deluding you! You deserve the basics; to be loved, to be appreciated, to be respected, and to be understood! You deserve to feel wanted, cherished, and desired! You deserve a partner in life not just a male!
Do not go on dates just to distract yourself! Go on a date only if you really feel that you want to get to know that person and that he has managed to arouse your curiosity! DO not go on a date to waste your time; you will only be hurting yourself!
Do not pretend or fake anything! If you are unhappy, be unhappy! If you are lonely, be lonely! It will pass!
Go to the gym, learn new things, and have hobbies because this is life! You are still alive and you owe it to yourself to live and to be happy!
Do not punish yourself by intentionally neglecting your health or damaging your image!
Remember that men come and go but you only have yourself to lean on and to live with!
The wait for Mr. Right might be long but until he comes along enjoy whatever there is to enjoy! Embrace the little joys and love yourself!
Remember that you are moving on because this man is not right for you and that relationship is not where you belong! You deserve better!
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