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Friday, March 30, 2007

Premature

My thoughts are killing me; my head has turned into a fishtank where questions relplaced the colorful fish. Why him? What do I like about him? What do I want from him and him from me? Is there an explanation for my insanity? Could there be a reason for this fatal attraction? My mind is so much against me, my heart is giving me a code red, and my body seems to have detached itself from an upcoming disaster.

Why did they call it "falling in love"? Falling is such an ominous word. Why did they not think of flying or roaming or anything that has a sense of freedom to it? Why did they link love to risk, darkness, and suffocation? Anyway, I woke up this morning with wide eyes staring at my cats lest they had answers.

I spoke to my friend about "him" and I shared my dreams and the nightmares. He said one sentence that made the most sense; "You are having a premature relationship." I have never heard that expression before and I was intrigued. My friend explained saying that "we are two people right for one another but the timing is not as right."

I myself am a premature infant; I was born about 3 months earlier than expected. I needed special nursing until my underdeveloped organs were able to function on their own.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz am I saying he is premature? am I premature? did we give birth to a premature relationship? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I cannot think .. I cannot trace the analogy between a premature infant and a premature relationship .. I have been attempting to finish this post for a couple of days now ...

4 comments:

askandarani said...

as quickly and strong as it is now, as quickly will disappear. the person may not be remembered, but the feelings will never be gone, just like a bad flue. comes with a bang and leaves no scars.

a totally irrelevant thought, it rained in alex and washed all the dust and sand away, Cairo, eat your heart out. or is it relevant ;-)

Breath said...

Marwa

i can't stop thinking of this sentence since i read it in your post...what the hell is supposed to mean 'time is not as right'; life don't give too many chances in the love category so if 2 persons are right one to another they should do everything they can and can't to make it work even if time isn't in their favor....It is really the ones with brave hearts who are willing to do such an effort and unfortunately almost no one is willing to be brave and take the risk....Again it is ironic....ones with coward hearts complain that love disappeared from life and people don't know love anymore...they give such statements while the ones with brave hearts and they killed themselves trying to make it work are deeply hurt by them because they are just too scared too selfcentered to throw an effort at it!!!

Anonymous said...

anything you name as a "fatal attraction" probably is some combination of both words...something inside your mind/heart is warning you...it is usually good to listen to your own red flags-been there and done that-and romantic notions are just really notions...be strong and wait for the right one...take care-J

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello everyone,

I am so sorry for not replying to you earlier ... I was going through a bad phase ... will tell you all about it in a detailed post.

Askandarani,

The weather is still dusty and windy .. smells like spit:)

Most scars do not kill but a neglected internal bleeding does.

Breath,

I took your advice. I went out of my way and put in effort and showed interest BUT, because the time was not right, the effort was futile and the interest was not met with similar interest ... I admit .. I freaked the hell out of him ... never again will I be me .. I am good x

J,

You were right all along ... fatal is fatal ... should have followed my gut feeling xx