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Saturday, May 5, 2007

The Scars of Life

Here I am, again, with the ever so familiar tear lingering between my eyelids; it refuses to surrender to gravity; it just sits there and sparkles. Sadness? How would I color it? Blue is classic for sadness but I do not see just any shade of blue; I am wearing a necklace of sapphire; so royal; so proud; so attractive; so untamed. Gems are more precious when they are raw and sadness is the gem I am wearing today - close to my heart.

This is how the story goes:

One day a little boy decided to go for a swim. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived.

His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go."

We too have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But some wounds are because God has refused to let you go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

Sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of God's love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them.


eyad harfoush said...

Read THREE MEN IN A BOAT for Jerome if u like, it is closely related

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

scars of life ... does it really matters who did em... after all they are SCARS ... made by god, by others, or even by our foolishness ... they are signs on my soul ...condemn me with eternal pain,and shame for being too stupid to jump in the lake. deformed ... yes i am...the one who was beautiful and innocent once... and the outsiders only see the ugly i became... they will never give excuses.... they will never look at gods hand ... they will only see me as a freak... a deformed freak ... Grey is my shade of sadness ... it is uncertain... unstable... unrecognized...unseen..slip into my life without a decent warning .. ................................. ................................. ................................. yeh yeh !! whatever ... i ll live .. with scars yes .. but i ll live

Marwa Rakha said...

Trapped Soul, you really are my image in the mirror. We might look different on the outside but we are a copy and paste version of one another on the inside.

Your words echo within me. You are very right. The people who get maimed in the battle field are called heros and are given medals ... but no one wants to be touched by a freak!

Gray is a good choice. I will use it when I write a post about my pattern in relationships; just as you described it - uncertain, unstable, unrecognized, unseen, and slips out of my life without a decent warning.

We all live!!!

eyad harfoush said...

Dear both,

I have a different vision of the matter, what time, events, and people imprints over our souls are not scars, it is the identity lines of our souls, it becames by time parts of who we are, everything you see as painful experience had definitely added a very good thing to you. Think about it deeply and challegne yourselves to find the good side of the crack

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

mutual feeling marwa ... u too are my image in the mirror, and a window that help me to look inside myself... after all we are freak-mates :)

eyad... as usual u look to the issue from outside, you believe so much in the human will, and how it can shape our destiny...but ... i disagree ... if it is about ourselves, i think things would be so much easier to handle .. but the major factor in the equation is not us .. it is others ..

yes we are the handmade of our experiences ... but if a man has been deformed as a result of a fire made cause he forgot the cigarette near the curtains ... he cant say i become what i become and i have learned my lessons out of this horrible experience ... he will say : i am deformed, a freak who lost every sense of humanity.

yes we learn from our experinces, but we pay dearly for that ... yes they made us better sometimes, and worst sometimes ... but they never leave without a mark that help in increasing the feeling of alienation ....

Breath said...

Hey Marwa,

Long time i know....was kind taking care of alot of things, was always reading most of your posts but in the past period i was kind of in a passive mood, i just wanted to watch and do nothing:).
Thought of this post is interesting i never saw it that way, but this post affects me in a very special way, am not afraid of taking risks although in some situations the foolishness alarm was screaming not to go that way, but i never listened to it. In me i always knew no matter how deep my scars were no matter how bad it hurt i will get through it, i will move on be happier stronger and proud with those scars...essence of strength is faith.

askandarani said...

Scars themselves don’t hurt. They just serve as a reminder of wounds and old injuries.
Alienation isn’t caused by oneself, but rather by others who stop reaching for the true souls of people despite any deformalities they may have.
I would like to quote a part from “scent of a woman”:-
“I have seen. Boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit. There is no prosthetic for that.”
Sadness has no color for it is a black hole that sucks the color of life from everything.
Sure we all live, but what really matter is the quality of life we are leading.

Could go on for ever, but will spare you the agony, next time I would love to read about happy times, sunshine, blue skies and green places. About wonderful moments that touched your life, and this goes also for miss egyptiana.

I remember 300, the scene of the hunchback. Shallow hall and all time classic the black swan.

eyad harfoush said...

Dear Moon Goddess,

Maybe I did not know Marwa in person, but I had the honor knowing you in person, and who I knew was not a freak or alien, she was – for maybe the 1001 time- a lady who gathered the following qualities:

1- Charismatic character, so whoever has the pleasure communicating with you gets the feeling of opponent power, this feeling is actually the feeling that triggered mankind innovation all through history

2- Innovation-driven minded person, and innovation is not only about creating literature or arts, it is about innovative approach to facts of life, to subjects, to traditions…etc. this sort of out-of-herd mentality qualifies a person to live unusually happy life, only if he did not seek happy life the way others do, because this does not suit him. For example, my mother passed away 36 hours ago, and as I am still feeling to sleep after all the fake ceremonies, I decided to get out of the loop by writing this post. It is not a freaky behavior, it is Eyad’s behavior, and it is fine as it fits with Eyad and never harm others

3- Kind heart and sole person, who is giving by nature, and maybe needs to learn how to take sometimes, This maybe the only area for improvement I saw

4- I will not mention about pretty, elegance….etc, as it is quite unrelated to our subject

In brief, I saw a prominent persona, I did not see a freak. May be you need to know that where you belong is what I call “the area out-of-the box” and you need to seek sense of belonging with people, places, activities who are all out-of-the box. I do not see things from outside, I just believe in mankind power once released from psychological vicious circles.

Marwa Rakha said...

Breath, I am glad you are overcoming the passive mood. I was getting worried about you. There is a saying that says that people tend to regret the things they did not do more than the things they did:)

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello again Askandarani:) I will do my best to write you a happy post next time:)

Anonymous said...

here is my comment again, i posted it by mistake on ur last article , so i added it here again :)

dear marwa,
as i read ur post, it made me very sad, as well as worried about u
sad because in a way i related, worried because i feel u have a lot of intense pain that u can't relieve

someone like u , with all what u have as a person, and a career woman , someone ur age , shouldn't carry all this pain around
i am not so wise or even beyond those scares to give advice, but for someone who knows u and really see the beauty within u, and cares, i just feel that there should be a way for u to stop carrying around all that pain and embrace those scares , trust me they do not show deformation , but they contribute to ur beauty, and human nature, at least that the way i see them on u , had u not been through all this pain and hurt , u wouldn't have been so sensitive, haden't u been hurt , u wouldn't have been able to feel other people's pain .

another point, i guess for one thing if men in ur life dont see that , they can go to hell, second maybe this is because of all the agony u carry around, and u pin point those scares ur self , i guess if u don't , no one will notice, its only because we notice our scares and we are so conscious about them , we make them obvious to others and that makes us very vulnerable

our scares marwa are really deep from the inside maybe , because they are scars of the hearts and souls in a way , and these are soft spots, but only from the inside, they are not that visible from the outside , its us who see them this way because we see them as we feel them not as they really show on the outside, do u get me:
and we tend to pin point them that way, they really look ugly , by human nature its easier to hear and feel the ugly wounds then see them, u know like for instense when u see a car crash in the street and u see people covered with blood and thier flesh torn , u automatically turn ur face around, but when someone comes and tell u he saw so and so, u tend to sympathise and thank god that u didnt see it, its very similar to that.
and by time as one of the comments on ur post said , after a while they don't hurt , and they shouldn't hurt, they are just a mark , and a memory as well as a wisdom mark , just as they say about aging lines on the face.

if we don't see them ugly we won't feel them ugly and people will see them just the same way we do, but if we saw them as a diformation , people will do too, its how we feel about ourselfs that transforms to others how we want them to see us is how they do, so please see ur self as how you really are , and throw that burden away dont carry it around any longer.

Marwa Rakha said...

You are so right Amany... but for the scars we would have never had the compassion for others

You are also right to say that if we do not point out the scars, no one will notice

The question is: when I point out my scars, do I point them out in shame or do I point to them with pride?

What makes me sad, people rejecting the scars or people rejecting the person I have become after the scars?

Anonymous said...

Dear Marwa,

i am really glad we agree as most of the time:)

and to answer the your questions, 1- i know u don't point them out in shame but thats not realy the point to others shame or pride is not thier utmost worry, its the pain the pain they sense even in ur pride its the hurt vibes that u transmit without even noticing that shows in ur eyes even when u have that lovely smile on ur face, thats what they see mostly.

2- they are not rejecting u or ur scares , as i said they reject the pain they feel is still caused by the scares , they fear that this pain might reach them, and again bare in mind that i am talking about decent moderately balanced people (since there is no such thing as 100% balanced) not about jerks. and the fact that u pin point them at early stages when they are not really involved or genuenly care enough yet to want to share ur pain and help u wipe it away.or even know u well enough to know that u have a lot more to offer than just pain & that its worth seeing u through healing to end up winning and enjoying all the rest of the wonderful feelings you have to offer.

does it make sense?