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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Excuse me? Open What?

“I am in an open relationship!” He said like a proud Egyptian declaring his American passport.
“How do you mean?” I asked like a poor Egyptian who has never seen a map!

I was not playing dumb; I seriously did not know what to make out of his statement! Open relationship as in honest? No taboos? Creative? Mentally stimulating? Physically liberating?

He gracefully explained to my not-so-enlightened self that this was the ideal relationship because they would never get bored of one another, they got to enjoy space and freedom, and that he was open and candid about having other partners, but he would always come back to her. He asked me to loosen up because life was too short! He told me that he was very honest with his girl and with all the other girls; it was a sign of how decent and open-minded he was! I walked away from the conversation before my violent streak took over, and ran to the comfort and warmth of my cats - who have so far proved to have better logic when compared to human beings.

So an open relationship is like an open invitation for the man to come and go as he pleased? Who would accept that? Is it like a permission to cheat? What kind of man would have the audacity to demand that? Does it mean that exclusivity is struck out of the context of the relationship? Why would anyone want to do that? So, could the girl have multiple partners as well? What would that make of her man? Half a man? If you delete commitment, trust, and respect from a relationship, what would you have left? Sex? Where would such an arrangement leave intimacy, bonding, and partnership? Why even call it a relationship in the first place?

In the old days, men used to tell naïve girls that they were separated. I remember the first time I heard that line, I asked a series of closed-ended questions for clarification; I always started with whether they lived in separate houses, and when the answer was negative, I asked whether they lived in separate bedrooms, and when that test came out negative as well, I would ask timidly if they slept in separate beds. Most of the time, that also was negated. I used to struggle as I asked for a definition of being separated, and I was always told that they were separated on the mental and emotional level. – This is my definition of sliced baloney marinated in crap that men feed us all the time!

A decade later, men grew wiser and realized that their “I am separated” line is not flying. They used the head on top of their shoulders and voila: a new type of relationships that sounds so politically sound - an open relationship was their proposition! A solution that relieved them of any previously felt guilt. He does not have to lie about his whereabouts or hide his tracks anymore; why should he when his partner gave up her right to object and agreed to become an object in his life? There are two types of girls who would accept such a deal; Prototype A is a girl who does not have true feelings and is using him just as much as he is using her. Prototype B is a desperate girl who consensually gives the man the right to kick her behind whenever he pleased. Aside from the traditional code of ethics, and shockingly enough, I carry more respect for the first type, as opposed to contempt, with no traces of sympathy, for the second.

Following George Orwell’s Animal Farm model, upon replacing the word animals with men and making the necessary adjustments, let me jot down the seven commandments of a man’s open relationship:

“Remember, comrades, your resolution must never falter. Never listen when they tell you that men and women have a common interest, that the prosperity of one is the prosperity of the other. It is all lies. Women serve the interests of no creature except themselves. And among us men let there be perfect unity, perfect comradeship in the struggle. All women are enemies. All men are comrades. Here is a toast to open relationships!”

1. Whatever goes upon two legs, and asks for exclusivity, is an enemy.

2. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has no character, is a friend.

3. No man shall wear a wedding ring – married or not.

4. No man shall sleep in the same woman’s bed forever – married or not married to him.

5. No man shall respect women – women were created for entertainment.

6. No man shall commit to any woman – married or not married to him.

7. All people are equal but men are more equal than women.


MechanicalCrowds said...

I'm curious. Have you ever come across a man that was different? By different I mean doesn't fit the picture you paint of all the men that you seem to meet... ie not a 'narcissistic jerk'... or did they all end up the same??

Marwa Rakha said...

Hey MC

The last article Jenny ever wrote was titled "The Myth of the Different Man" - Jenny is me before I had guts to use my own name:)

So yes they are all the same .... so far ...

Anonymous said...

I kind of agree with you that an "open relationship" is just a better way of saying "sexual relation". But it exists - and it does not meet the criteria set by our society or religion, but I tend to still have some respect for people who know where they stand.

I am not sure exactly why you are attacking the man in particular, but if what he says is true - then you would probably get the same answer from his woman.

Even if it is not so openly publicized - there are tons of women out there who do date several men - and are very discreet about it (or at least they think so). Why they do it? I can speculate.... but bottom line is: The girl has multiple partners. Some of them might not now - and others will pretend they dont know as long as they are enjoying the ride.

What's the difference? One chose to be open about it - and one preferred to keep it in the dark. Again, I am not defending this attitude - I am just emphasizing that we should not base our judgement on how honest people want to be about their "status":)

Human nature is complicated. Even the best of the best of men and women would follow their instincts as highly sexual animals if you were to release them from all social, religious, ethical, etc. standards.

Nobody is perfect all the time; meaning that the guy you would want to talk to, is not necessarily the one you want to listen to. The one you want to romance emotionally, might not be same guy that can phsically satisfy you, and so on. I am sure you have friends that you classify for different "moods" - and if it wasn't unethical - most people would choose to have a partner for every mood.

My two cents anyway...

Marwa Rakha said...

Dear anonymous .. I am not saying that women are more ethical or moral than men .. I am talking about one particular issue; that is the men who say that they are in an open relationship, or ask for one.

I talked about two women; one who knows and accepts because she knows and accepts - I respected that type

The other type is the one who accepts because she is to weak to refuse or walk away.

Anonymous said...

"Stubborn you" has to have the last word.
But; do you agree? or disagree with what I said ya Miss you?:)

Eyad Harfoush said...

Dear Marwa,
I will not speak in general but about myself, I used to freak-out from the feeling of being "targeted" as a "prospect groom" from all the "shadow seekers" around. Oneday I was not disclosing about my actual marital status claiming being married to test if the "sweet pie" likes the person or the groom. Maybe others has adopted a similar trick saying they do seek an open relationship as a start. But surely several men will prefer an "open relationship" more than a long-term commitment. We hate commitment by nature

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

"men hate commitment by nature"... they keep testing women!!!... they justify their lousy attitudes by big philosophical words??????

sometimes i wonder. from where they have all this courage and self confidence to say what they say, and so what they do!!!!!!!!!!!!

and why women are too blind to see their reality... !!!!????

an open relationship!! why not call it its true name...

why relationships become too complicated, and circle around one idea... SEX... CHANGE PARTNER... MULTIPLICITY...

you know what... i hate the whole thing... i will remain in a world of my own creation... it is much much safer

joan said...

I've been in a few "open relationships" if you want to call them that. And the end result was always the same...the guy figured out that my dance card was easier to fill than his own and decided he prefered commitment. In each case, the guy ended up asking me for a monogamous relationship. Not that he got me to agree to it...but they always tried.

However, if the man is married...forget it. It only works with two single people. But there is a huge difference between sex and love. It is entirely possible to love someone and enjoy sex with someone else.

My first love died of AIDS. He and I could never have sex or it would likely kill me. So for three years my "friends" took care of those needs with my love's complete blessing.

Anonymous said...

marwa,read my blog,u inspired me to write something ,let me know what u think

Marwa Rakha said...

Hey Eyad ... men have their traps and so do women .. But this is a nasty trap .. this is an unethical trap .. this is actually insulting

Marwa Rakha said...

Trapped soul .... book me a room next to you in your isolated insulated shell

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello Joan,

A common friend of ours asked me yesterday what would have become of me were I born and raised in a western community.

I think life would have been so different for me and I think my perspective of things would have been different too.

But then again .. I am a possessive person ... I demand exclusivity in relationships ... how can I share? How can I pretend not to care when I cared?

Marwa Rakha said...

Well done Strawberry:)

Ravine85 said...

Thank you for writing this!
"open relationship" is basically an oxymoron. If you want multiple partners , I don't see why you should claim to be in a relationship with any of them. I feel it's like a term men use to maintain regular sex-buddies and spare themselves the trouble of courting a woman from beginning to end every time they time they have physical needs (which probably represent the biggest chunk of their daily life) .

Neveen said...

Open relationship…what else did you expect, that’s common and I have met guys who actually admitted having such relations. Unfortunately, one of them is a friend, and he honestly told me that yes he loves his wife, he respects her, being committed to her as a husband is something and being exclusively for her is something else. He said that an open relationship with others is the only way 2 keep him committed to his wife. A matter that I didn’t get at the very beginning till I discovered that she knew about it and she is fine with it as long as it is not an official relationship, that stroke me to the core, I had to shut up, I even looked the other way trying to hide my amazed wondering gaze, and I just ignored what she just said. So why bother, if you don’t accept it then fine, but if some men are up to it then for sure some women are too, whether married or not. Religion is nothing but a mask people wear to impress others, but don’t try to convince me that religion and our community “that approves whatever a man will do just because he is a man” will constrain such a behavior. Peace Marwa, I don’t give a damn anymore, I am not with or against, I am just not to be involved.

Dina said...

Regardless whether it is a man or a woman who is into this kind of relationships is definitely loosing a lot. i am sad to say that he/she will be left out with a great sense of emptiness. A person would be able to enjoy the real true happiness when in sync with the right way of doing things( principles , ethics, conscious) the more he/she is violating those , his life would be missed up! So he/she is loosing! You can not miss around with the rules of life!

Maxxed`ouT said...

In my sleep-walking, i once pissed in the bin infront of the maid.

Marwa Rakha said...

You're funny Max:)