Be warned!! This is a very disgusting and sickening post ... if you are not feeling so well, do not read!!!
I pulled the cover over my head yesterday as I tried to hush the voices in my head. I closed my eyes hoping that I would soon drift into peaceful sleep. I began counting the sheep but instead of the white furry creatures I used to see in the green fields, I saw cars. I saw lead vehicles of all shapes and colors crowded on a bridge and I could not count ... they were so many ... they were so random ... they were so ugly ... their poisonous fumes crept under my cover and their honking attacked my peace of mind ... I felt my stomach turning ... I saw his face (coming in another post) and I remembered how he sat there so self conceited ... I remembered his bitten untrimmed yellow nails, the grayish wax in his ears, and the scent of his sweat filling the air as he told me that I lacked femininity.
In a split second I was out of the bed, running to the bathroom, with my hand on my mouth trying to stop the flow of what I tried so hard to push down. I have never vomited that much ... I never knew that vomiting could hurt that bad ... It was allover the place .... It was coming from every hole in my face ... I could not breathe ... I felt the motion of the car .... I vomited more ... I heard his hiss of a voice ... I vomited more ... I remembered some work emails ... I vomited more ... I remembered my mom and her anger ... I vomited more ... I remembered my dad and my anger at him ... I vomited more .... I was about to faint.
Then it stopped ...
I thought of my new home .. I tried to smile ... the vomiting started again ... I thought of the painter, the carpenter, the plumber, and the mess they left behind ... I looked at the mess I created ... I vomited more .... My cats were at the door looking at what they have never seen me do before ... I tried to cry ... the vomiting started again ... I could no longer stand ... I could no longer sit .... I threw myself in the tub ... let the water flow ... remembered the cockroach (previous post) and finally smiled.
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1 comment:
Ça doit être ton première amour, je sais que c'est beau, qu'on peut faire l'impossible pour l'être aimé, qu'on peut renier à notre amour propre pour mieux servir l'autre... mais des fois, ça un effet de poudre qui s'éparpille rapidement.
L'amour vrai, je dirai l'amour équilibré c'est celui qui te donne, qui te prend pas autant au point de nager dans la tristesse...
La vie est bien faite, et les expériences sont toujours bonne à prendre, certaines nous cassent exprès pour que les prochaines nous corrigent...
bref, j'ai assez philosophé, mais mon cœur me fais mal rien qu'en pensant à ce qu'il t'a dit...
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