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Thursday, February 14, 2008

What happens in a man's head?

My lovely sweet cute adorable friend sent me a message that I will sum up, then will answer the significant question she threw on my table:

"I don't want fucking men to dictate my fucking mood!!! I'm sick and fucking tired of being on cloud nine one minute coz Mr. X asked me out for coffee...and then being thrown into a pitfire in the deepest darkest corner of hell coz seven days later...he hasn't called me!!! The funny thing is, for the half hour we talked, he seemed completely smitten! I made him laugh alot, and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he liked my opinions. He sometimes paused, looking for the right thing to say. I thought-stupid me!-that this was going to make all the difference. I would just really like to know what happens in a man's mind that after such a great start, it quickly goes kaput! It makes me feel so small, insignificant, ugly stupid when a man does that to me...especially when I can't find a valid rational reason!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What goes on in a man's head? ... something like this:

Man: WOW .. what a gal!!
His Head: yeah .. what a gal
Man: You do not sound as thrilled as I thought you would be
His Head: Thrilled?!! Are you kidding me, man?
Man: Why? She is smart, cute, and absolutely awesome
His Head: Yes .. and this is exactly why she is no good ... got it?
Man: Come on ... I have not had such an interesting conversation in ages ... I had a great time.
His Head: You liked her wild uninhibited spirit?
Man: Yes .. this is exactly what drew me to her .... she is just perfect
His Head: How on earth will you control her?
Man: What? Control her?
His Head: If you have a fight, she will win. If you fight again, she will complain. If you fight again and again, she will leave ... she will dump you and move on.
Man: But she would be so much in love with me
His Head: Such women are more in love with themselves and they have a lot of that nasty thing called self respect!
Man: Ok, then I will not fight with her
His Head: Ok! What happens when you flirt? Again, she will not take it ... she will dump you!
Man: I guess I will have to stop flirting.
His Head: Fine! But if you do not listen to her and make time for her, she will walk away!
Man: No .. No .. I love talking to her ... I will listen. I love her company ... I will find the time!
His Head: Sweet talking will get you no where with such a girl. She is confident and knows what she is worth. She will not believe your crap.
Man: I will not feed her crap then
His Head: She has a fulfilling life and plenty of friends and activities. You will never own her.
Man: I do not want to own her, I want to love her.
His Head: Shame on you!!!!! You sound like a pussy .... you do not want to own her, you want to love her, you will not feed her crap, you will make time for her, you will listen to her, you will not flirt, you will not fight, and you do not want to control her .... what kind of man are you?!!! You are not a man!!!

Man & His Head unite forces ... and run away ... you scared him away hun


Prince said...

crazy article :p lol
well hey :) its my first time to comment on your blog although i know you since long time! :)
exactly...since couple of days! :p
lol well i was surfin writing sites as iam interested in writing and i met with some blog talkin about miss Egypt 2007 and i saw your comment about " I was goin to win the title if i applied earlier but i was vieled from head to toe! "
well the comment took all my attention tryin to imagine the story...then i go on behind your comment and read through your blogs and The Lokanda novel...ummm i feel like tellin you my life story! :P well well enough for now :)
and about your article i feel its normal as from my short journey through your writing i can feel the strange unfriendly feeling towards men! :) well i hate women at times too but its personal, plus i can never write and say that alllll girls are silly! lol its kinda hard judgement...and you fall in something like this in your article in american chronicle about the warning of invloving with egyptian men...i know it happen and i saw many examples of it as you saw...but you give the feeling its so common to the level of warning! noway! :p however, sorry for the long article :p it wasn't comment about this article only but actually about the whole effect of your writing on me...and its so good! keep it up! :)
with my love...

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello Prince Walid:)

LOL @ " I was goin to win the title if i applied earlier but i was vieled from head to toe! "

Welcome to my blog and I am glad that you like the way I string sentences together:)

Tell me the story of your life:)

On the surface, my writings seem to be against men ... but when you look again, you will realize that they are against women ... women who are so out of touch with their essence.

I only attack men who do not know/ were never taught what manhood means:)

You mentioned that you are interested in writing .. how so? Are you a writer?

Prince said...

hi again Marwa :)
well I think anyone with a writer mind who read your articles will like it cause its really different, and you have a message on it...even the crazy journey you made in adult dating site :p lol the picture of journalist who put himself in prison to explore prisoners lifes came in my mind while readin this :p but the way you wrote about it was the great job :)
ummm well about me...its crazy life story of 20 years that is my age :) and you may know what writing mean to me if you know that I left engineering college cause of it...and Study Philosophy now in Literature college! :) I told ya its crazy story :p
anyway iam kinda super ambitious,not by words only but with work too, know what iam doin in life and I learned much about it like 40 not 20 YO :) oh here I go tellin my life story again :p lol
well Iam interested in writing since I was a kid...you may know about it more at my - under construction - website :) its a site I made lately only for my friends but in the end of this month it will turn to official site :)
you can get there and you will know me more of my writing as I know you well of your writing :)
or that what i think! ;)
see you :)

lonely man said...

why everytime i read somthing you write 1st i say you are against men all the way and then i say no u're not this is really how we think.
why dont you think that maybe i say maybe men are weak no matter how strong they seem to be what if men are jelious from women success what if men are just like kids needs full attention what if this is how its supposed to be ? what if i loved somone so much that i didnt even want to try my luck with her simply as i compare myself to the lots of ppl she knows or the ppl she could know if she wants and the comparison are not on my side at all.
what if when she gets too wild she gets u back in this horrible thinking is she a good one or a bitch
what if men are afraid to be dumped what if it really hurts so much that a girl dump you ! what if this is the internal defense system for men or somthing.i really think this way exactely like you write it im not proud of that maybe some men are better but at the end this is me. at the end the result of your words will be feeling pety and sorry for weak men ? or feeling sorry for good girls ?
i dont really know but all i know and im sure of is that nothing is done with bad intention from men

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello Lonely Man

First of all I have to congratulate you on having the courage to admit the fears and insecurities of men ...

Second I am not against men:) I just do not understand why women accept insults and humiliation from men.

As for your comment ... it is very true and women have their fears and insecutities as well:)

You need to find someone who will love you for who you are and as you are .. someone who sees your flaws and instead of trying to change them .. accepts them and deals with them.

As for the "bitch" part ... this is a problem with our society and if you are wise, and I hope you are, you will know what to do about it.

Anonymous said...

i can also say that i empathise with this lady and i am not egyptian but i am a female from the UK and have just been in Egypt and have been curious to work out what goes on in people's heads in that country, especially men's heads.
But yes, I would definitely agree, for anyone to be careful about Egyptian men.
In fact while I was there, I drew myself a big poster saying:

'Health Hazard'
Under no circumstances touch or allow an Egyptian man to go anywhere near you.

They are very dangerous.

Especially when you are a foreign woman and you will expect them to behave in nice kind friendly ways and that they are genuine and that they mean it, because they 'act' that way.

But no, there are all kinds of weird things going on in Egyptian people's minds, and you can not understand much of what it is about, but the most important thing to remember is that people will say what they want you to hear, because they want to get something from you.

So as a woman. Be careful.
Very very careful.

But apart from that.
I broke my own rules.
And then I regretted it but I am a foreign woman, so what can I say. I found it strange reading about the woman that said she had 'male friends' for 'touchy feely' but she did not do that with her actual boyfriend.

From a foreigners point of view, the culture is 'perverse' because it is like it makes people do the wrong things in the wrong way.

For example in the UK if you touch someone it is something 'special' that brings you closer.

Even for a woman to say she has men that she 'touches' and she is just using them.

That is just 'weird' and that is like 'slut' behaviour.

But if she was in the UK then the fact that she is with someone and they make 'physical bond' is something special to bring them closer together.

But in Egypt you have this weird thing about physical contact that 'it drives you apart' because you actually 'have had that bond'.

From an outside psychological point of view, it just looks dysfunctional. It is very difficult for me to understand though, because as I am an outsider, and nobody really talks so much about these things, about what you 'can or can't do' then it makes it very complicated.

People treat me like 'things' are normal, because I am a foreigner, and then you discover, no it is not normal, and then they turn round and judge you in the same way that they would an Egyptian, when I am not Egyptian.

So then I turned round and judged him in the same way I am Egyptian.
I am talking about someone making many promises to marry me. In England this is normal. You have physical contact and its OK and normal and then you get married.

You don't 'not' marry just because you have actually 'had' contact because you loved each other.

And then the whole thing about 'being honourable' because you 'don't have contact'. When this girl you described, is exactly 'not' being honourable, exactly because she is doing 'stuff' with other people behind her 'honourable boyfriends back'. Like

I said, it is just perverse.
You talked about black holes.
I agree, it is like Egyptian culture is twisted in some ways, honour is a wonderful thing, but it has to be because you 'feel it', and because it is 'real' not because it is 'pretend' and all this stuff going on behind the surface, behind the 'veil'.

The veil is just as much about the 'man' as well. You would not believe the things that I have seen and heard, because I am a 'foreigner' people seem to confess all kinds of things to me, and think that it is 'normal' because I am from a different country, and these things are 'normal' in Europe.

No they are not.
People love each other, and then they marry each other.

They don't lie to pretend to be something that they are not.
They don't judge a woman for her 'honour' because of whether she is a virgin or not.
If a man and a woman love each other and are good to each other, then they will honour and respect each other, and that is about something that they create and build between each other, and that is about their 'relationsip' to each other. Not something that is a 'judgement' on them from outside. Not 'honour' that is something that is forced on you, if you go against it, somebody will kill you. Not something that is only an excuse for men to treat women in the worst way imagineable.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hello UK girl .. I wish I had something to say more tha that I was sorry ... I am sorry that you had to go through such a mortifying experience in my beloved country and I am sorry that no one helped you bridge and understand the cultural unspoken language ... I am sorry he broke your heart and if it is any consolation, you are lucky that you did not delve deeper in this relationship. I am sorry that instead of seeing our heritage and legacy, you got to see the perverse backward heads of people who should drop off the face of the earth.

R.Elgayar said...

UK girl, you hit the nail on the head about the majority of Egyptian minds. For all the concern about honor and decency in that society and I have never heard the word "decent" used as much as I do except in Egypt, there is alot of dishonesty and "undecent" shit going down. The best Egyptian man you will find is the one NOT raised in Egypt. And again, I always must add that there are exceptions to everything and there are some great men in Egypt and I personally know them, but it will be very hard to find them among all the nut jobs there. But until that society does a major overhaul in it's obsession with people's sex lives, whether there is any sex life before marriage or not(which to someone from the West sounds so absurd in 2008), things are never going to change. This is why Marwa'a blog is so refreshing for me to read, to see an Egyptian woman have these thoughts that I wish alot of women and men there would have. I really, really feel sorry for people there because of this mentality ingrained in their minds that won't allow them to enjoy a normal healthy existence.

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi again R:)

I have missed your comments on my blog:)

I wish I had anythign to say in defence of our society .. the thing is it all started in good faith and the best of intentions then somehow people forgot the essence and focused on the flaky surface of things ... I hope that more and more people grow to realize the true meaning of honor, virtue, love, and religion - regardless what religion they adopt.

Hana said...

Actually I think this is so true, I personally like men with powerful characters and yet I find them to actually be intimidated that I am independent that like to try new things or even into am into heavy metal. . I am not your every day low voiced, regular opinioned, striving to get married, cover my mouth when I laugh kinda of girl . . I am just me. . And I hate that whomever I encounter is trying to turn me into everybody else for their own convenience. . We females out there all have to be unrecognizable "La7ma mafrooma”. . I think when a man thinks a woman is smart then she is probably a lot smarter than him (for him to have noticed) and that is a scary thought for all those men out there working as hard as they can to maintain there fake strong fronts . . Dear Men, we are all humans, some smart others dumb, some interesting, others dull, there is not a really strong characteristic/gender connections as most people comfortably think there is. . Guys, please try to enjoy life, stop stepping into every other man sitting beside you shoes. . Stop being marrying copies and working so hard to maintain that. . A quote I like says : Be an original, everybody else is already taken ..

Marwa Rakha said...

Hi again Hana:)

Heavy metal? do you have a band?

You seem like you have a lot to say and usually in my book signing events there are discussions and I invite "special people" to share their own work with my audience.

I have had a lovely young lady recite her rap poetry and last evening I had two very talented girls from alexandria share their work.

Let me know if you are interested:)

Hana said...

No actually i do not have a band but a lot of my friends do . .
Anyway thank you for your generous offer to join you in future book signing events, i will be considering it definetly . .